Scouts: It’s the beginning of another crazy busy week for me as my day hasn’t gotten off to the best of starts. Everything’s breaking around me, and everyone’s looking to me to fix it all! Maybe I shoulda just stayed in bed this month. Pick me up by telling me a good Dad joke in the comments!
Rays 5, Red Sox 2 – Scouts: There just doesn’t seem to be any end in sight for Boston’s terrible, horrible, no good season. Chris Sale is now 0-5 and was outdueled by Tyler Glasnow who was able to hold the Sox offense to 2 runs on 6 hits over 6.2 innings. Sale was roughed up for 4 runs in the first two innings, and while he was able to recover enough to pitch 7 innings, Boston’s offense continues to sputter.
Marlins 1, Phillies 5 – Scouts: Boy Miami sure is bad. How bad are they? They allowed Zach Eflin to pitch his first complete game since 2017. Eflin went the distance allowing just a single run, lowering his seasonal ERA to 3.34
Oakland 4, Toronto 5 F/11 – Scouts: Wow, what a wild one. The game, tied at 1, when suddenly the boys came out to play. Oakland put up 3 in the top of the frame, and boy they shirley that it this one in the bag right? WRONG! Brandon Drury gave those fans who stuck around a treat blasting a 3-run homer, only to be followed by a Justin Smoak walk-off single. Oakland closer Blake Treinen took the loss.
Brewers 2, Mets 5 – Scouts: The Brewers were on their way to victory, tying the game up with a two-run homer int he 7th off starter Steven Matz. But the lolMets were not to be denied, A J.D. Davis single in the 7th followed by a Tomas Nido double in the 8th picked up the win.
Rockies 7, Braves 8 – Scouts: Josh Donaldson and the Braves were able to stave off a 3 game sweep in this back and forth affair, when Donaldson lifted a homer to right to put the final 3 runs on the board in the 8th. Still the Atlanta bullpen made it a game when the Rockies put the first two men on in the 9th, and Luke Jackson had to come in and save the day for A.J. Minter.
Padres 6, Nationals 7 F/11 – Scouts: Washington was down 6-0 after the top of the 3rd, but was able to end the bleeding and eventually tie it up in the 5th. There it stood, tied at 6 until Matt Adams absolutely crushed a game winner into the 3rd deck in the 11th.
Orioles 1, Twins 4 – Scouts: Dylan Bundy got it started early with a lead-off homer to Max Kepler as the Twins swept the O’s. Byron Buxton and Chris Davis also went deep.
Tigers 1, White Sox 4 – Scouts: I sure hope you like strikeouts, because this game had them in spades. Matthew Boyd racked up 9 of 10 for Detroit, while Reynaldo Lopez struck out 14 Tigers. The Sox bullpen threw in another 6 for good measure, bringing the total to 20 to 10 strikeouts in Chicago’s favor. And yet, they still managed to combine for 5 runs. This is baseball in 2019 folks.
Angels 7, Royals 3 – Scouts: Matt Harvey has finally found a team he can beat. The 9-19 Kansas City Royals. Harvey went 7, allowing 1 run on 2 hits, striking out 5. Albert Pujols passed Barry Bonds for 3rd on the all-time RBI list.
Reds 2, Cardinals 5 – Scouts: Jack Flaherty gave the Cardinals all they needed, lasting 7 strong shutout innings, buying time for the Cardinal’s banged up offense to get the job done.
Yankees 11, Giants 5 – Scouts: These days it seems the Yankees have more players on the DL than in the dugout. I can’t even tell you who half their lineup is, but that didn’t stop them from putting up large crooked numbers up on Dereck Rodriguez and the Giants. The Yankees scored 2 in the first, second, third, sixth, and added three in the ninth for good measure.
Pirates 6, Dodgers 7 – Scouts: Down 5-1 in the 4th, the Dodgers slugged their way out of a mess created by Rich Hill. It all started as these things tend to do with a homer, by Cody Bellinger, but it was the singles and doubles that kept this rally going, and before anyone knew what was going on, LA had escaped with a narrow victory.
Cubs 6, D’Backs 5 F/15 – Scouts: Ugh, some days guys just don’t want to go home. Arizona tied things up in the 6th, and there it stood until the bats finally woke up 9 innings later. The Cubs picked up 3 in the top of the 15 thanks to a Ben Zobrist double and a Kris Bryant sac fly. That sac fly ended up being the difference maker as Arizona put up a pair in the bottom of the frame but fell short of the super late rally when Nick Ahmed lined out to finally send everyone home.
Rangers 14, Mariners 1 – Scouts: Man, I don’t even remember the last time Seattle won a ball game, and yet they are still 5 games over .500. It feels everytime I turn around they are losing and losing badly. This was a no doubter as Texas piled it on early and often scoring in all but 3 innings. Erik Swanson took the brunt of the damage allowing 9 runs on 11 hits in just 4 innings. I could list off all the Texas achievements, but there are just too many.
Spiders 1, Astros 4 – Scouts: Sometimes you make the smart baseball play and are made to pay up big time. The Spiders intentionally walked Josh Reddick to get to Robinson Chirinos, who responded with a big thank you as he blasted the first pitch he saw over the left field wall, scoring the game winning 3 runs.
Fan Interference 
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton.’
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone. Now it’s Hans free.
Hope your day gets better.
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Was it BAD jokes? I thought it was supposed to be DAD jokes.
It was Fun (as Kirk said before he died).
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Stop me if you’ve heard this. No?
Kid: I’m hungry.
Dad: Pleased to meet you, Hungry. My name is Dad
.
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For Scouts:
“What do you call a guy who tells dad jokes but has no kids?”
“A faux pa.”
As for the Nats, another lost weekend where they wasted two good starts by Scherzer and Strasburg and dropped two of three to the Padres, despite yesterday’s heroics from Matt Adams and others. Those others included the kiddie corps of Juan Soto (3 run HR), Victor Robles (HR), and Carter Kieboom (HR, his second of the weekend), which made the Nats the first team ever to have three guys under 22 homer in the same game. The others also included the bullpen, which went eight shutout innings after Jeremy Hellickson got shelled; four of those innings came from someone wearing Erick Fedde’s uniform, but until we identify who that guy is, I’m not counting on a repeat performance.
Fedde was called up to replace a corner infielder who went on the IL. Anthony Rendon, you may recall, was hit on the elbow by a pitch last weekend, and he missed several games, finally returning to the lineup on Friday night, and then subsequently re-injuring the elbow, which swelled up, causing him to be unavailable to play Saturday and Sunday. However, it wasn’t Mr. Rendon who headed to the IL, but rather one Ryan Zimmerman, suffering a case of plantar fasciitis in his heretofore good foot; he incurred the injury on an awkward play in Colorado on Tuesday, tried to play through it, and failed. I still don’t know what they’re waiting for with regard to putting Rendon on the IL, too.
The Trevor Rosenthal Experiment was also put on hold by the Nats, as it seems Mr. Rosenthal suffered from some kind of virus during the trip to Florida and Colorado, leading to him dropping ten pounds and incurring muscle weakness (“Yeah, that’s the ticket”) so he landed on the IL, as well. I’m sure once he’s recovered from his virus and checked out by the doctors, he’ll get a few weeks of a rehab stint to try to figure things out.
12-14 now, 3GB in the East. Cards coming to town for four, then a ten game road trip through Philly (3), Milwaukee (3), and LA (Dodgers – 4). Fans keep wanting to say “It’s early”, but it won’t be after these next two weeks.
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“Let Boston sleep, for when they wake they will shake the world.”
– Napoleon Bonaparte
“They’re coming to take me away haha, they’re coming to take me away, hoho, heehee, haha….”
-Napoleon XIV
As I kill a day trying to self-stimulate myself sufficiently to keep awake through a two day visit of the Ennuiland Indians, I am minded of a true dad story. Assimilate the beginning; it has a funny ending anyway because, well, because life is like that sometimes.
When my dad was 78 years old he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Death sentence, right?
Nope. After the surgery he lived for more than ten years. Alzheimer’s and the flu finally took him at 89. But this is a story about the day after his operation.
In the recovery room he was still very groggy from the anesthetic and pain killers. The bed under his back was elevated about 40 degrees. We were gathered around when he began to lean forward. The nurse gently pressed him back down. A few seconds later he began to lean forward again. The nurse gently pressed him back down again. When he began to lean forward yet again, the nurse said “You need to lie still. Why do you keep leaning forward?” My father said something barely audible. The nurse said “I can’t hear you.” My father opened his eyes a little, stared at the nurse and whispered “I’m sitting on my balls.”
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Teenage son: Back in a bit, I’m going to get a haircut.
Me: Why don’t you get them all cut?
My wife has been hassling me for years about my terrible sense of direction, so I finally had enough, and I packed my bags and right.
My wife caught me the other day, standing on the scale and sucking in my gut. “That’s not going to help.” she taunted me. “You’re wrong!” I retorted… “It helps me see the numbers.”
Thank you… I’ll be here all week! Please tip your server.
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What’s the usual percent tip in Canada?
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I could tell you but you wouldn’t understand because it’s metric…
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
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Those Damn Dirty Gods are seriously getting my hopes up. This is easily the best Twins team since the glory days of Super Joe, and watching them you don’t get the feeling that this is just a hot streak. If they rough up the Astros starting tonight with Verlander, y ‘all might have to remind me to take my Haldol.
BTW Kepler’s lead off homer came on the very first pitch. That’s how you start a kick back and enjoy Sunday afternoon
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