Prof: Another Monday, another week of work to get that green stuff. I have an interview for a second job this evening, so I would appreciate your positive vibes. We aren’t all out there living our best Bobby Bonilla lives. Shoutout to our retired homies; living the life! Today’s musical selection is all about the Benjamins.
Twins 1, Phillies 2 – Scouts: Apparently “Barreldelphia” is becoming a thing now. Maybe I’m out of the loop on this one, or I’m too much of an old man, but I don’t really understand it. It started with a tweet from Andrew Knapp, then Jake Arrieta made up T-Shirts, and now Rhys Hoskins is using it while describing his 2-run home run that won the game in the 6th.
Marlins 3, Braves 4 – Prof: Freddie Freeman started the party off right with a two run homer, but the day belonged to Dansby Swanson. Yes, the impeccably styled, ridiculously handsome, and winner of the “Best Civil War General Sounding Name Award” shortstop was the difference maker in yesterday’s contest. Dans hit a solo dinger in the fourth and hit the walk-off single that scored FF5 and defeated the floundering Feesh.
Cubs 2, Brewers 4 – Prof: Christian Yelich and Josh Hader continue to be among the best of the best in the National League. Yelich went 2-3 with a home run, while Hader went 2 and 3/4 innings for his fifth save of the season. For Chicago, Kyle Hendricks was only able to last four innings, and the abysmal Cubs bullpen took over. Not so fun fact – there wasn’t a single Cubs pitcher who took the mound yesterday whose ERA was under 5.00. Yikes!
Rangers 2, Angels 7 – Prof: Mike Trout has hit a homer in four straight games now, so basically he is just doing Mike Trout Things™. Texas’s Joey Gallo is also out here reminding folks that he, too, likes to drop bombs. The really notable thing about this matchup was that there was a bee swarm delay of game of about five minutes or so. Even nature wants to be a witness to the GOAT.
Yankees 15, Orioles 2 – Scouts: I’m pretty sure Gary Sanchez and the Yankees can be tried for war crimes after Sunday’s abusive beatdown of the pathetic Orioles. Sanchez hit three homers, and was going for a 4th in the 9th. Also going yard for the Yankees is Austin Romine, Clint Frazier, and Gleyber Torres. Chris Davis went 0-4 with 2 strikeouts and is now 0-23 on the season. Davis is now on a 0-44 streak. Davis is two at bats shy of tying the record, so there’s that. There are no words.
Royals 1, Tigers 3 – Scouts: Detroit continues to win, win, win holding KC to a single run in the first. Tyson Ross settled down after the first to pitch 7 strong, 5 hit innings.
Blue Jays 1, Spiders 3 – Scouts: Mike Clevinger struck out 10 in 5, and was pulled for upper back tightness after just 75 pitches. Terry Francona says they were just being overly cautious, but that won’t stop Spider faithful from worrying.
Nationals 12, Mets 9 – Prof: It’s hard to believe that this game was Max Scherzer’s first win of the season. I mean, by rights Mad Max ought to be 3-0 on the season, yeah? Anthony Rendon is doing his best to make the Curly Dubs forget that old dude who used to play outfield for them. Bryce Who? Rendon scored on a wild pitch, and also hit a three run homer. I feel really bad for the Mets, to be honest. This is probably one of the better games they played thus far and it still wasn’t good enough. Shoutout to my dude Michael Conforto who hit a three run homer of his own in a losing effort.
Reds 5, Pirates 7 – Scouts: We had a little dust-up in the 4th that lead to a little bit of fireworks and a handful of ejections. It all started when Derek Dietrich pimped a homer in the 2nd inning. That clearly didn’t sit well with Chris Archer who claimed to “yank” a 93 mph fastball directly behind Dietrich’s hip on the very next pitch two innings later. When warnings were issued, Cincinnati manager David Bell came out to argue that Archer was not ejected and Yasiel Puig lost his temper once again. The benches cleared, a lot of pushing and shoving occurred, but Puig was clearly out of control, being held back by both Joey Votto and Melky Cabrera. Puig eventually got away after things calmed down, and it all started up once more. Puig, Bell, and Amir Garrett were ejected for the Reds, while Keone Kela, and Felipe Vazquez were all tossed for the Pirates. In the end, everyone looked terrible. Dietrich had to know he would piss people off as he didn’t leave the box until after the ball landed. Archer shouldn’t be throwing at anyone, and despite his lies that it was accidental, at least he threw behind Dietrich. David Bell seems to be overreacting, and his actions only further riled his players up, and Yasiel Puig really needs to get control over his temper. I’m expecting a few suspensions after this one, Puig will almost certainly receive multiple games due to his history of getting into the middle of these sorts of things.
Athletics 8, Astros 9 – Scouts: Houston picked up a much needed win on a Jose Altuve 4 pitch, walk-off walk against Blake Treinen. It was Altuve’s second walk of the game, who also managed to go 3-4 on the night. Pretty good performance I’d say.
Mariners 12, White Sox 5 – Prof: Who is Daniel Vogelbach? The Seattle designated hitter went HAM against Chicago, hitting two homers and a bases-clearing double. He finished the game with a career high six RBI. The Mariners are hot, hot, hot! They are off to the best start in franchise history – 9-2. Let’s see if they continue to be the jewel of the AL West.
Padres 1, Cardinals 4 – Prof: Adam Wainwright was in rare form yesterday. I think he found Doc Brown’s DeLorean, because he was pitching back to the future if you know what I mean. Waino went six full innings, allowing only one earned run while punching out nine. St. Louis avoids a sweep.
Rays 3, Giants 0 – Scouts: Yandy Diaz belted a lead-off homer and the Rays never looked back. San Francisco was shut out and managed just 5 hits.
Red Sox 1, Diamondbacks 0 – Prof: The Red Sox are 3-8. What? It didn’t matter in this game, though – Boston drowned the Gritty Snakes in that dirty water. Mitch Moreland hit a solo homer in the seventh inning.
Dodgers 12, Rockies 6 – Scouts: Man, LA has come out looking super human so far. They can’t keep this up all season can they? The Dodgers completed a series sweep scoring 12 runs on 12 hits and Cody Bellinger picked up his 7th homer on the year, one more than Gary Sanchez who is only that close due to hitting 3 against the O’s earlier in the day.