The winter ice has been trying to kill me all winter long and last week was vengeance week. I’ve decided to let the few remaining patches, now no longer in a position to reach out and throw me to the ground, to slowly dissolve into the nothingness they so richly deserve. Their pathetic wailing does pleasure me so.
Enjoy
Hey, Michigan State won. Sorry, I can’t think of anything to say. The Feesh are the Feesh.
Blue Jays 6 Tigers 0 | Rays 4 Astros 2 | Rockies 6 Marlins 1
The Attack Of The Winter Gods
The winter Gods sent down their ice demons to coat all walks and clog all gutters immediately before deploying the main body of their snow attack. They then kidnapped the high March sun to transform their infantry of snow malevolently waiting above the ice demon possessed gutters into dripping water passing though the vile 20 degree air to become ice demons upon the back steps. “Cross over us, cross over us”, they called to me each day and night “and you will be warm”. Yes, warm in bed with a broken hip, waiting for pneumonia to come and shut down what remains of a respiratory system already paying the price of a half century of abuse.
Ooh, Goldy hit three dongs. Trout was Trout. 13 Innings!
Cardinals 9 Brewers 5| Angels 6 Athletics 2 | Diamondbacks 5 Dodgers 4
Vengeance – A Dish Best Served Thawed
Though the ice demons did lunge at me over and over, they were only able to bruise a rib, the remnants of whose pain I now savor. The ice demons of the last week who wished to ooze upon my back walk were cast a foul by 48 hours of continuous above freezing temperatures, and by the chopping, prying and cutting of my steel shovel. And by the avenging rays of the sun. I did hurl them upon the sun warmed hot plate of my sun soaked back walk and reveled in their screams as their crystal sinews dissolved and then wafted up into rays of the merciless sun.
If you try to kill the king and fail, he will stand above you.
Luchessi allows 0 runs, strikes out 7 in 5 innings, has only used 87 pitches, and is taken out after 5 1/3? The Red Sox break hearts in the ninth.
Padres 4 Giants 1 | Red Sox 7 Mariners 6
Anyhow, I gotta go and try get Walmart over with before the Twins game starts. Don’t let me forget the cheap chocolate ice cream.
Fan Interference 
The winter ice has been trying to kill me too but thanks to my security cameras and automatic 72-degree groundwater-sourced sprinkler system, it hasn’t even gotten close. One night the melting ice dumped a mammoth carcass down the block as it receded again, and we’re going to source DNA from it to clone a new one using one of the female elephants at Metrozoo. The rest, we fed to the dogs.
Typical El Niño weenter here in Nuevo Macondo.
As far as the Feesh, pfffftttt. Brinson was ohfer with a bunch of strikeouts. Trevor Richards threw five gemlike innings but Sergio Romo came on and coughed up four runs, and Tayron Guerrero burped up two more. The bats remained hanging from the cave ceiling along with the glowworms.
The attendance on a beautiful evening last night was 6400. That’s right. I didn’t leave orf any zeroes. So much for the magic draw of all Beep Beep’s “stadium enhancements.” If I were Beep Beep I would definitely hold orf negotiating a new cable deal. Left center field would have looked a lot less ridiculous tonight with the home run sculpture in place than with that new standing room esplanade in a facility with no one in its seats. I believe Oakland’s 4/17/79 record for the worst attended game in ML history (250. Yep. 250. I didn’t leave orf any zeroes there either.) may be in jeopardy this season.
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Aaaaaand the Tigers have peaked for the season.
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Maybe they have but you shouldn’t. It is getting warmer isn’t it.
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Can you claim Jack Morris off broadcast waivers? I predict I will be listening to more games than watching this year.
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Too many oof dah’s during the broadcasts? Even though you don’t have Ernie Harwell anymore?
Come on now.
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The Feesh rode Sandy Alcantara to veectory over the Rocky Mountain Oysters today, Jar Jar Baseball is still screwing around with Brinson’s spot in the order and it’s not working well. Today’s attendance, on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, was 7600, about forty and change less than last night. If I were the spirit of a St. Louis Browns’ fan, I’d be getting worried that my season-low attendance record might be in jeopardy.
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