Opening Day: Feesh Tank

Opening day dawned windy and wet here in Macondo, quivering on the cusp of monsoon season. Fans, such as Beep Beep’s ham-handed, blundering efforts at community relations have left identifying themselves as such, occupied Macondo Banana Massacre Field to the tune of 25,437 or about 8000 fewer than on opening day last season, to see the Teal Terrors engage the Rocky Mountain Oysters and to experience the “enhanced customer facilities” of the stadium.


Jar Jar Baseball conducts the game postmortem at Macondo Banana Massacre Field.

The Oysters pounded Jose Urethra for six runs in five innings, abetted by some stumblebum fielding by Miguel Rojas at shortstop and Lewis Brinson picking up where he left orf in his rookie bust season (0-4, 1 K) in center field. Final score: Oysters 6, Feesh 3. Bright spots: the boolpen performed well though their long term success will depend on the starters going deeper than Urethra did today. Also, there were three Feesh dingers by J T Riddle and Neil Walker (both pinch hits), and one by new catcher Jorge Alfaro. Alfaro had been dinged by a pitch two innings earlier so he got some payback. Walker, if he keeps it up, will be traded for EYPs by the July waiver deadline and likely enjoy his seasonal denouement with a contender.

I can’t call them the rainbow warriors anymore because Beep Beep decreed a boring new logo that looks like it was supposed to be backlit but the bulb burned out. Ah well. So, my fearless prediction for the Feesh season: last in war, last in peace, last in attendance, last in the NL East.

So, how’d your crews make out, folks?

3 thoughts on “Opening Day: Feesh Tank

  1. The first place Detroit Tigers.

    Possibly (likely?) the only time this season that will be a true statement. Excellent start from Jordan Zimmermann with 6 2/3 innings of perfection, broken up by an infield single, finishing his day with 70 pitches in 7 innings of work. 2 run ding-dong in the 10th from Christin (not Christian) Stewart.

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  2. They told us this year would be different.

    They told us that an emphasis on fundamentals during Spring Training this year, as opposed to last year’s All Baseball Activities Optional Extravaganza, was going to result in a much better and much more sound team.

    They told us that the manager would do better in his bullpen selections.

    They told us that I wouldn’t feel motivated to tweet the following this year:

    “Friday Night Lights: Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.
    Friday Night Nats: Two on, no out, can’t score.”

    as I’d done last year.

    So, what did we get yesterday?

    A couple of two on, no out situations that resulted in no runs, one of which ended with a 5-4-2 double play, as Victor Robles committed the first TOOTBLAN of the year, breaking back to third on a ball hit weakly to third, then trying to score and getting thrown out by 30 feet. It didn’t quite reach the level of the infamous “What was Nook Logan thinking?” incident from Nats’ lore (Google it), but fans wouldn’t have been surprised if Charlie Slowes had made the same call.

    As for the manager… Tony Sipp was signed in mid-March to be a LOOGY, to get out guys like Bryce Harper, Freddie Freeman, and Robinson Cano in late innings. So, after letting Scherzer bat for himself in the bottom of the 7th and sending him back out for the 8th, down 1-0, a walk by Scherzer and a bloop surrendered by Justin Miller led to a two on, two out situation, with Robinson Cano coming to the plate, and the Nats countered with Matt Grace, who’s a lefty but not a LOOGY. Cano flares one to the outfield, Mets lead 2-0 and win by the same score.

    Now, you might be thinking that Martinez should be cut some slack here, since Sipp’s only been signed for a couple of weeks, and maybe he’s not yet game ready, but then I’d ask why Sipp was warming in the 9th when the horse was already down the road.

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  3. Gator,

    Opening Day for Los Gigantes was a perfect microcosm of what we can expect from “Our” San Francisco Giants in 2019 – decent pitching (Bum gives up 2 runs in 7.0 innings, doesn’t punch anyone), and NO offense. Longo will be good, methinks. That looks like our 2019 offensive output.

    I get it – sample size of one game – but I am pretty confident that this is what can be expected for the year, on average.

    And – as ‘historio correctly noted – it’s an odd-numbered year…

    Sigh…

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