Ladies and gentlemen, and children of all ages! (With apologies to Claude Kirchener):
It sometimes felt like it would never get here but 2019 has arrived, and most of the hot stove questions that lour’d upon our rooting interests are hanging there still. Machado. Harper. Grandal. And best of all, Realmuto remains lumbered with those exorbitant demands the Feesh have hung around his neck like the Ancient Mariner’s albatross. MLB’s pretty much stuck in the same place it was when the darkness dropped on 2018.
Here in Macondo, baseball news comes in drips and drops of spun filament, and we’re supposed to get excited by disclosures that (a) Tommy has been moved outside Macondo Banana Massacre Field to the 14th Avenue Plaza, replaced by a two-tiered “SRO” area resembling stacked litterboxes appended to the back of the Clevelander bar. We’re supposed to take this seriously – that a franchise which can’t fill a quarter of its seats on a good day is providing SRO space, especially after trading away anybody who could reach it with a bomb, and (B) the Feesh have instituted cheap discount meals, which will surely make the concessionaires happy. I modestly suggested they hold occasional ten cent beer nights since the crowds are likely to be small enough that riots could be easily controlled, and (C) they unveiled a new set of boring logos and uniforms I won’t reproduce here out of lack of interest. Finally, if not terminally, (D) MLB.com a few days ago ran a piece on the teams who most improved their farm systems in 2018. Can you guess who wasn’t on it?
So that’s what we live with, and now the Dolfeens look to be heading to the rebuilding program mill as well. The heat are in Dwayne Wade valedictory mode, which won’t sell any hot dogs until the last maybe three home games of the season. There’s a hockey team out there going nowhere too, but I forget the name for it.
I’ll be back sometime in the near future with a disquisition about why Derek Jeter is boring.