Tomorrow’s scores and beyond.
Having yesterday and today off I’ve finally found the time and energy to provide a synopsis for each of the games. I hope you enjoy it. What a wonderful wonderful day of baseball.
Let’s get in the spirit
Reds 26 Cubs 25 (25 innings)
The Gods have fun punishing the Cubs for being so damn mean to the Twins last weekend and for being from Chicago.
Athletics 26 Indians 25 (25 innings)
Cleveland pitchers throw a total of 500 pitches in a game which isn’t completed until 4 AM. Not only am I giving you Friday’s scores but one of Saturday’s as well. You’ll thank me on Sunday.
Astros 26 White Sox 25 (25 innings)
Need I say more?
We’ll include this for the sake of Sadtwinsfan, but we don’t have to believe it.
Twins 10 Orioles 0
The Twins score ten runs and their Designated Sexual Assailant, still languishing at single A, has nothing to do with it. He is eventually traded to some team mostly looking to do a salary dump. Chris Davis strikes out four times on twelve pitches. Lance Lynn pitches a perfect game which is completed in 2 ½ hours so I’m awake for the whole thing. Perfect.
Sorry Scouts but I can’t tell you things get better after the all star break and yes Machado does get traded to the Yankees for a bag of baseballs. Have some ice cream.
Marlins 1 Nationals 0
Dan Straily is replaced as the Marlins starter at game time by Charly Sheen and just like in the movies he pitches a whale of a game. The Marlins score their only run when a ball becomes stuck in the Washington DC swamp and turns into an inside the parker. Jeter’s face looks like a tomato. Evil plans inadvertently set adrift. So nice.
Don’t worry Someguy, Harper finally gets it together after the all star break after his agent tells him “Dude every one of these strikeouts is costing you about a hundred thousand dollars” and the Nats make it to the playoffs after all. The window is still, drafty.
Red Sox 10 Royals 0
Chris Sale strikes out 20 Royals in 6 2/3 innings and asks to be removed from the game because he’s bored. But the Royals do get it going after the all star break…2025.
Mama don’t bring your boys up to be Cardinal fans
Giants 2 Cardinals 1
Histro make sure Paper packs his nitro when he heads out on assignment.
Derek Holland is thrown out of the game even before it starts and is replaced by Madison Bumgarner because he won’t stop doing his Harey Karey imitation and Joe West is damned if he’s going to listen to that all night. The Cardinals score their only run in the first inning when the first hitter walks, Matheny orders that the runner be gotten to third with two consecutive bunts and West, still mad about Holland, calls Bumgarner for a balk. The Giants win in the ninth when Matheny orders the first hitter to be walked to get to Bumgarner who wins it with a walk off. A nail biter with tons of strategerizing.
The Cardinals will fail to reach the playoffs for a third year in a row for the first time in this millennium. But I might be able to talk the Gods into at least letting them get a wild card if Paper would start commenting here again. Even if there are still some things he can’t forget, aren’t there still some things he can’t help remembering.
Tigers 1 Rangers 0
Nobody knew what the hell to think when Gardenhire showed up in a Twins uniform. Bartolo Colon befuddled Tiger hitters because if he can do it to the Twins he can damn well do it to the Tigers. Al Kaline disappeared from the broadcast booth during the top of the ninth. Some recent callup that nobody’s heard of (Tony the Tiger) wearing the number 9 and some protective head gear obscuring his face wins it with a walk off. Heartwarming.
The Tigers have a very strange second half of the season, winning every remaining game with Cleveland while losing every remaining game with the Twins.
Yankees 10 Blue Jays 0
My silence is deafening.
Let’s go west coast. I used to sing this to one of my granddaughters when she was little. So glad those days are back.
Angels 1 Dodgers 0
The Angel’s angel provides a near gale force wind blowing in from the outfield knocking down the mighty blasts of the Dodger sluggers, who are heard responding to the suggestion that they adjust their approach with “NO ME HIT HOME RUN!!!”, into Mike Trout’s unfailing glove. Trout wins the game in the bottom of the ninth by stealing home.
Rockies 1 Mariners 0
The German Marquez, inspired by a pre-game phone call from his idol Max Kepler belies his 5.14 ERA and out duels a valiant King Felix.
Diamondbacks 10 Padres 9
Not a single home run. Not a single strike out. Not a single walk. Ten stolen bases. Five double plays. Five plays at the plate. Spectacular outfield defense. 100,000 hotdogs consumed. Now that’s how to baseball!
Atlanta 7 Eastern Minnesota 7
This one is called a tie after 7 innings because the Brewers have to catch a bus.
Hey Prof your dream of a Twins – Braves World Series rematch does come true but, um, I don’t want to spoil it for you so I’ll stop here.
Rays – Mets
Cancelled due to lack of interest
Steelers 35 Eagles 31
Both Carson Wentz and Nick Foles suffer season ending injuries. So sad.
Michigan 48 Ohio State 0
Knocking the Buckeyes out of the playoff picture after previously ravaging the Michigan State Spartans, the undefeated Wolverines are now set as the number one seed in the championship playoffs.
What was in the sky last night. So much noise and light. So much to notice and so little to be proud of. Is that you Sadtwinsfan. Reality Czar!