Bits and Pieces Weekday Weekend Edition

Tomorrow’s scores and beyond.

Having yesterday and today off I’ve finally found the time and energy to provide a synopsis for each of the games. I hope you enjoy it. What a wonderful wonderful day of baseball.

Let’s get in the spirit


Reds 26 Cubs 25 (25 innings)

The Gods have fun punishing the Cubs for being so damn mean to the Twins last weekend and for being from Chicago.

Athletics 26 Indians 25 (25 innings)

Cleveland pitchers throw a total of 500 pitches in a game which isn’t completed until 4 AM. Not only am I giving you Friday’s scores but one of Saturday’s as well. You’ll thank me on Sunday.

Astros 26 White Sox 25 (25 innings)

Need I say more?

We’ll include this for the sake of Sadtwinsfan, but we don’t have to believe it.

Twins 10 Orioles 0

The Twins score ten runs and their Designated Sexual Assailant, still languishing at single A, has nothing to do with it. He is eventually traded to some team mostly looking to do a salary dump. Chris Davis strikes out four times on twelve pitches. Lance Lynn pitches a perfect game which is completed in 2 ½ hours so I’m awake for the whole thing. Perfect.

Sorry Scouts but I can’t tell you things get better after the all star break and yes Machado does get traded to the Yankees for a bag of baseballs. Have some ice cream.

Marlins 1 Nationals 0

Dan Straily is replaced as the Marlins starter at game time by Charly Sheen and just like in the movies he pitches a whale of a game. The Marlins score their only run when a ball becomes stuck in the Washington DC swamp and turns into an inside the parker. Jeter’s face looks like a tomato. Evil plans inadvertently set adrift. So nice.

Don’t worry Someguy, Harper finally gets it together after the all star break after his agent tells him “Dude every one of these strikeouts is costing you about a hundred thousand dollars” and the Nats make it to the playoffs after all. The window is still, drafty.

Red Sox 10 Royals 0

Chris Sale strikes out 20 Royals in 6 2/3 innings and asks to be removed from the game because he’s bored. But the Royals do get it going after the all star break…2025.

Mama don’t bring your boys up to be Cardinal fans

Giants 2 Cardinals 1

Histro make sure Paper packs his nitro when he heads out on assignment.

Derek Holland is thrown out of the game even before it starts and is replaced by Madison Bumgarner because he won’t stop doing his Harey Karey imitation and Joe West is damned if he’s going to listen to that all night. The Cardinals score their only run in the first inning when the first hitter walks, Matheny orders that the runner be gotten to third with two consecutive bunts and West, still mad about Holland, calls Bumgarner for a balk. The Giants win in the ninth when Matheny orders the first hitter to be walked to get to Bumgarner who wins it with a walk off. A nail biter with tons of strategerizing.

The Cardinals will fail to reach the playoffs for a third year in a row for the first time in this millennium. But I might be able to talk the Gods into at least letting them get a wild card if Paper would start commenting here again. Even if there are still some things he can’t forget, aren’t there still some things he can’t help remembering.

Tigers 1 Rangers 0

Nobody knew what the hell to think when Gardenhire showed up in a Twins uniform. Bartolo Colon befuddled Tiger hitters because if he can do it to the Twins he can damn well do it to the Tigers. Al Kaline disappeared from the broadcast booth during the top of the ninth. Some recent callup that nobody’s heard of (Tony the Tiger) wearing the number 9 and some protective head gear obscuring his face wins it with a walk off. Heartwarming.

The Tigers have a very strange second half of the season, winning every remaining game with Cleveland while losing every remaining game with the Twins.

Yankees 10 Blue Jays 0

My silence is deafening.

Let’s go west coast. I used to sing this to one of my granddaughters when she was little. So glad those days are back.

Angels 1 Dodgers 0

The Angel’s angel provides a near gale force wind blowing in from the outfield knocking down the mighty blasts of the Dodger sluggers, who are heard responding to the suggestion that they adjust their approach with “NO ME HIT HOME RUN!!!”, into Mike Trout’s unfailing glove. Trout wins the game in the bottom of the ninth by stealing home.

Rockies 1 Mariners 0

The German Marquez, inspired by a pre-game phone call from his idol Max Kepler belies his 5.14 ERA and out duels a valiant King Felix.

Diamondbacks 10 Padres 9

Not a single home run. Not a single strike out. Not a single walk. Ten stolen bases. Five double plays. Five plays at the plate. Spectacular outfield defense. 100,000 hotdogs consumed. Now that’s how to baseball!

Atlanta 7 Eastern Minnesota 7

This one is called a tie after 7 innings because the Brewers have to catch a bus.

Hey Prof your dream of a Twins – Braves World Series rematch does come true but, um, I don’t want to spoil it for you so I’ll stop here.

Rays – Mets

Cancelled due to lack of interest

Pirates Phillies

Steelers 35 Eagles 31

Both Carson Wentz and Nick Foles suffer season ending injuries. So sad.

Michigan 48 Ohio State 0

Knocking the Buckeyes out of the playoff picture after previously ravaging the Michigan State Spartans, the undefeated Wolverines are now set as the number one seed in the championship playoffs.

What was in the sky last night. So much noise and light. So much to notice and so little to be proud of. Is that you Sadtwinsfan. Reality Czar!

17 thoughts on “Bits and Pieces Weekday Weekend Edition

      1. Didn’t see it coming either, but not surprising when Goodrum has been getting most of the playing time the last few weeks. I’d like to see them give Ronny Rodriguez a good run of games and let Goodrum go back to being the super utility guy.


        1. I like Niko. It’s funny because there was talk for so long that they’d dump Joe Churches LSF to make room for Machado. Glad they didn’t count their chickens before the prospect washed out. So much for the future.

          Liked by 1 person

    1. He’s still around. I think I saw him in fried chicken commercial. Besides, we got Super Joe over at first should a baserunner need help with his balance.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Three teams I had no idea would become this bad: the Mutts, the Rockies and the Giants (I don’t pay much attention to the designatedhitterball league so I had no expectations on that score). The Reds, we kinda knew going in – even though they’re slightly outperforming of late. The Gnats still have turnaround time but they’re gonna have to cough up some goodies if they want Realmuto or either of the Feesh’s very good, potentially available relievers like Baraclough or Conley (and would prolly have to take Brad Ziegler as a throw-out…er…). The Feesh are playing their cards close and aces are crawling up and down their sleeves. No one’s coming to the park anyway so thy prolly figger they’ve got nothing to lose (ie, “When ya got nothing ya got nothing to lose”…Bob Dylan).

    Meanwhile: I don’t know where Mad Chef has gone – hope the latest listerine or salmonella outbreak didn’t get him (and wasn’t salmonella terrific in From here to Eternity?) – I’m marinating ten succulent grass fed lamb shoulder chops in a mixture of sherry, a tablespoon of red wine vinegar, chopped fresh sage and thyme and black pepper for dinner tomorrow.

    In addition, I have just discovered shirataki noodles. They’re carb- and grain free, very low calorie, and easy to prepare. They’re made from a root vegetable and have been eaten in the Orient since just after cannibalism became unfashionable. I buy the brand known as “Miracle Noodles” from Amazon; yestgerday, I made a nice pesto sauce with robust olive oil, butter, grated garlic and freshly chopped Thai basil out of me own garden, augmented with a dash of dried oregano. Wow. I have a package of kelp noodles on the way too, which I shall try as soon as windrows of dead feesh in the canal tell me the package is approaching.

    This, ladies and gentlemen, is the spaghetti apocalypse. it’s here. Now.


        1. It also depends on the circumstances. In a drifting lifeboat, anything goes. Go ahead. Pick a straw.


    1. Say the Braves come calling for ol’ BearClaw. What do you think the price would be from our bounty of farm fresh goodness?


      1. I don’t know who the Barves have on their farm so, sadly, I can’t tell you. But for Bearclaw, you’re looking at having to part with a 1-3 ranked prospect, minimum. Then again, this is Jeter, not Scrooge McLoria, so unless he has recourse to his money man, you won’t hear him lamenting “Hath not a Jew eyes?”

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Well, we have a deep well of young arms that we might be able to finagle. But to be honest, if we have to give up that much for BearClaw I’d rather throw in one or two more guys and get Jacob deGrom instead, and convert a guy into a relief dude.


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