Prof: It was weird baseball last night. Scout will give you the scoop on most of it. Take it away, sir.
Orioles 4, Blue Jays 5 F/10 – Scouts: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Orioles SUUUUUUCK! Brad Brach choked like a choking choker and gave up 3 runs on 3 hits with 2 walks while getting 1 out in the 9th. Way to improve your trade value dude. Chris Davis is now batting .152 after three more fucking strikeouts and is on pace for the worst offensive season of all time by any player EVER.
Tigers 7, Red Sox 2 – Scouts: Detroit picked up 5 in the first off some guy named Jalen Beeks whom I’ve never heard of before. Looks like it was his major league debut. I’d feel bad for him, but well, he plays for Boston, so that tempers my empathy.
Mariners 5, Rays 4 – Scouts: Mike Leake pitched into the 9th, holding the Rays to 2 runs on 8 hits and it almost wasn’t enough. Alex Colome came in and almost immediately blew it giving up 2 runs on 3 hits, but completing the game. Sounds like somebody who suddenly finds themselves atop their division could be interested in some bullpen help.
Astros 5, Rangers 2 – Scouts: Evan Gattis destroyed Cole Hamels soul with a 3 RBI performance that featured his 10th homer of the season.
Royals 1, Athletics 4 – Scouts: The offensive woes continue for Kansas City, who were held to 3 hits over 6 innings by Paul Blackburn.
Rockies 5, Reds 7 F/13 – Prof: Weird baseball – Jesse Winker came off the bench and ended up going 3-3 and hit a walk-off home run in the 13th inning. I guess this is a thing that hasn’t happened in nearly a half century, if I’m reading Elias correctly. That’s wild as heck. This extended inning weirdness kept Cincinnati from being swept by the Rox.
Dodgers 8, Pirates 7 – Scouts: The Dodgers have won 15 of their last 20 and no longer look like a sad sack franchise doomed to a 1 and done season. Pittsburgh attempted a comeback with 3 i the 8th and 1 in the 9th, but fell just short.
White Sox 2, Twins 7 – Scouts: Hey look at that, Minnesota won a game against a terrible team they should easily defeat! Good job! Jose Berrios threw a complete game, and Eduardo Escobar and Eddie Rosario stayed hot at the plate.
Marlins 1, Cardinals 4 – Prof: Not much to discuss, really. The Marlins turned back into a pumpkin even though the Big Buckin’ Chicken wore his glass cleat and hit a double to deep center. The Cardinals were the Cardinals again, with a local rookie, Luke Voit, hitting a late inning homer to boot.
Phillies 3, Cubs 4 – Prof: More weird baseball, brought to you by Chicago. Brian Duensing, a pitcher who has spent the majority of his career in the American League, was walked…and then scored in the fifth inning. His first ever base path stroll. Ever! I’d like to think it was Duensing’s run that did the trick, although it was really Anthony Rizzo who hit the game winner.