Scouts: I’m writing this a day early, in an attempt to give Prof as much of a head start as possible. Thanks again for covering for me for the next few days. So now that I have this sudden dental plan, I find myself consumed with planning out soft meals I can easily make. Unfortunately meat isn’t the way to go here, and I hear salads are also not a great idea. so I’m looking up Mac and Cheese recipes, Mashed Potato recipes, and potential soup recipes. What else am I missing? Comment below with your favorite comfort, meal that is very easy to eat and light on the chewing.
Prof: SMOOTHIES, BRO. All the fruits, none of the chewing. You can even add supplements in order to have a full and complete meal.
D-Backs 2, Brewers 9 – Prof: The Brewers were really on fire against a skidding Gritty Snakes. A seven run fourth inning was a ridiculous show of force (including a two run single, and a three run homer), but the fun things happened in the early beginnings of the game:
Do you get it? Truly, a heavenly tweet, you can take it as gospel. :p
Tigers 4, Twins 1 – Prof: Sorry, Happy, but I am sure that Historio accepts this graciously and thanks the wonderful Twins organization for the assist. Nico Goodrum hit a two run homer to guild the lily and halted a five game losing streak.
Royals 5, Cardinals 2 F/10 – Prof: The Royals love to go into extra innings, we all know. Drew Butera hit a two run single in the top of the 10th, and St. Louis just couldn’t answer.
Giants 1, Astros 4 – Prof: Heyyyy, Springer Dinger! Ey, oh, ey, oh! Houston sweeps San Francisco at home. Notice Jeff Samardzija’s frustration in the clip below:
Padres 3, Nats 1 – Prof: I have a theory. Bryce Harper’s doppleganger is Royce Harpler. Bryce is tied up in the clubhouse and Royce takes his place every once in a while. No one knows when it happens except that “Harper” will have an error on a play. Which is what happened last night! Washington natives, beware, an alien lifeform is out there abducting our superstar athletes and replacing them with pods! Bryce, tweeting from the Outer Limits, called the Stanley Cup final matchups as a way to prove that some other entity is controlling his brain. Someone protect Alexander Ovechkin!
Yankees 10, Rangers 12 – Prof: What is this!??!?!? Two wins by Texas over the red hot Yankees? And this time, this was a real battle. New York hit six in the fifth, and the Rangers hit five in the fourth. I know that a lot of people could call this a fun game with all of the homers and hits, but I would have been in agony because all this means is that it was poorly pitched. Anyway, yes, lots of dingers, lots of dribblers on both sides.
Braves 0, Phillies 4 – Prof: See, y’all, I will admit when I’m super wrong, and about Jake Arrieta I was super wrong. Since he got to Philadelphia he’s been pitching quite well and I am on the record as saying he was stinky. Well, I’m wrong. There’s nothing stinky about seven Ks in nearly seven shutout innings against one of the hottest teams in baseball, my Atlanta Braves.
Angels 5, Blue Jays 4 – Prof: The Ohtani Train keeps chugging along. The phenom hit a two run single to tie up the score in the ninth, while longtime Best Shortstop In Baseball and forever Brave Andrelton (Simba) Simmons hit his own two run single to bring the Angels to glory. On a different note, how does Tyler Clippard continue to have a job? I’m being honest here. Remember when he was decent? Feels like it was a hundred years ago.
Pirates 5, Reds 4 F/12 – Prof: Despite giving his best effort, and a home run for his troubles, Scooter Gennett can’t do it alone, and the Bucs of Pittsburgh was juuuuuuuuust that much better last night. The Pirates won it on an RBI triple by Josh Harrison. Fun fact – Josh Harrison actually went to college in Cincinnati! So it was a kind of homecoming for him, I guess.
Marlins 2, Mets 1 – Prof: A come from behind win for the British Virgin Island Feesh, won off of small ball (singles from the bats of J.T. Realmuto and Starlin Castro).
Red Sox 4, Rays 1 – Prof: I must have had a flash of my well known pitchers’ psychic abilities yesterday, as featured gif dancer Joe Kelly picked up the win! I’m kidding about my psychic powers, but not about Kelly’s W. He, David Price, and Craig Kimbrel combined for a three-hitter and Xander Bogaerts began the ninth inning rally that lifted Boston towards their fourth straight win.
Spiders 1, Cubs 0 – Prof: It only takes one mistake to swing it. Jon Lester gave up one hit, and only one hit, but that was all the Magical Land of Cleve needed to win this game. Adam Plutko, who sounds like a Martian Disney Prince, went six shutout innings and the Cleve Bullpen got up to their old tricks to beat the Cubbies in regulation.
Orioles 1, White Sox 11 – Prof: I had thought about getting a ticket package for the Orioles this year but I’m glad, in hindsight, that I saved my money. Mostly because I don’t have a lot of ready cash due to circumstances, but also because Birdland is bird crap these days. How do you let the Chicago White Sox hang ELEVEN runs on you? How? How is this possible? How do you allow one of the worst teams in all of baseball to nickel and dime you with singles, singles everywhere, and then bookends with home runs? This is terrible, absolutely awful. Although I can only imagine that soon the tickets will drop to rock bottom prices and I can get good seats for not a lot of scratch. I did that with the Brewers a few years ago, and nabbed fun seats along the third base line that way. If I can do this with Baltimore, that means I can creep on Trey Mancini while he’s still exiled in the outfield. Anyway, player for the game for Chicago was Adam Engel who went 4-4 with two ribbies.
Mariners 1, Athletics 0 – Prof: Another low scoring game, this time between AL West rivals. Seattle wins off of a Kyle Seager bloop that led to an error, allowing Guillermo Heredia to score.
Rockies 0, Dodgers 3 – Prof: What’s going on with the Snakes and the Rox? They are both embarking on the road trips from Heck. The bigger issue is that Colorado’s losses are literally Los Angeles’ gain – you never want to gain ground on a division rival, especially one that was super down for so long. Kenta Maeda went six and 2/3 shutout innings with twelve strikeouts.