Prof: Sadly, not the weekend. But now we’re halfway there, yeah? We’re gonna make it, fam. Full slate today and plenty of tunes, so let’s get started.
Red Sox 2, Yankees 3 – Prof: Hey, remember when folks were wondering if Giancarlo Stanton was going to be a bust in New York because he was in a bit of a slump? Remember when I gently reminded people that he usually starts out slow in April and he’d be all right? Well. The Iron Giant went 2-3, stole a base, and drove in two with a homer off Drew Pomeranz, so I think maybe he’s gonna be okay. For Boston, it was a rare evening when Mookie Betts only had one RBI and none of them were associated with dingers.
Pirates 10, White Sox 6 – Scouts: Pittsburgh came back down, 4-0 in the first, and it was on to the hit parade. The two teams combined for 16 runs and 27 hits as this game turned into something you’d see in a video game. I hear the White Sox have a pretty deep farm system. Well, they are gonna need it.
Royals 15, Orioles 7 – Prof: I will save Scout the misery of having to write about this game. Because, fam, this game flippin’ sucked. I was on my way home from dinner when I heard that Buck Showalter was going out to nab Dylan Bundy from the mound. I heard the score – which at the time was 7 zip. Then I heard that it was the first inning and I literally screamed, “OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?” I got home, went on Twitter, and my brain melted. Seven runs, four of those homers, and no outs. I seriously thought maybe Brian Matusz was on the mound, not Dylan Bundy, a man that hadn’t been all that bad before this game. Well, that settles it. This team is such a dumpster fire that not even garbagemen can contain it. Granted, in the eighth and ninth inning, the tables begin to turn, and Oriole players Caleb Joseph, Mark Trumbo, and Danny Valencia started to connect. But it was too little, too late. This team is well beyond it’s sell-by date and has been for a long time. It’s time for the Baltimore front office to go atomic not unlike what my Braves did in 2013 through…. well, this year. It’s the only way to save it.
Scouts: I’m writing this on Tuesday morning, so let’s see how good I am at predicting patterns. The Orioles lost once again, this time giving Danny Duffy his first win on the season. The O’s continued to strike out in record setting fashion. The only question remaining around this team is will they be able to trade anyone other than Manny Machado, or is that the one bargaining piece they have left? Update: I was right! Also, excuse my potty mouth, but holy-shit-what-the-fuck 10 runs in the first inning!? Why have they not completely sold off the entire fucking team by now? Seriously, sell everything that isn’t nailed down. Keep Trey Mancini and Chance Sisco. And hell honestly if the deal is good enough, move them too. Now excuse me while I recover from my sudden brain aneurysm.
Mariners 5, Blue Jays 0 – Prof: James Paxton is something else, you guys. That big ol’ Canadian lefty just keeps doing his thing and doing it well. That includes no hitting the Toronto Blue Jays. Yep, nine full innings, seven Ks. You know he had to do it to ’em. Fun fact: The Big Maple is the first Canadian to pitch a no-no on his native soil. I know that’s a suuuuuper specialized fact, but hey. I dig minutia.
Marlins 3, Cubs 4 – Scouts: The Marlins took an early 3-0 lead, but were unable to hold onto it when Kris Bryant and company decided to show up to play. Interesting scene in the 4th when tempers flaired a little bit after an incident at home plate, when suddenly cooler heads prevailed and they were giving each other hugs not drugs. Maybe somebody said something funny and they all realized it was a stupid beef? Maybe they all laughed their collective asses off at the bullpens slowly jogging onto the field for a fight no one wanted any part of?
Nationals 4, Padres 0 – Scouts: This was finally the year the Capitals got over the hump that’s plagued them for longer than I can remember. Maybe it’ll finally be the year the Nationals do the same. Jeremy Hellickson retired the first 18 batters before gibing up a single in the 7th to Travis Jankowski which ruined both a no-hitter and a perfect game all at once. Thanks for nothing jerk!
Mets 2, Reds 7 – Prof: So. M-tt H-rv-y has been traded to the Reds for catcher Devin Mesoraco and some cash money, homie. Both teams get rid of players who had long worn out their welcome and are in desperate need of greener pastures. Mesoraco will be utilized in New York fairly quickly, as the catcher’s position in Queens is, frankly, pretty dang rank. Their most consistent backstop is Travis d’Arnaud, who is on the d’isabled list. And what of the Dark Knight? My personal baseball Voldemort will be plugged into the rotation of a Limberger Cheese team. They stink hardcore. No amount of Joey Votto can make it right. You could probably clone The World’s Sassiest Canadian a dozen times over and Cincinnati would find a way to lose. Oh, and about this game? Well… even a broken clock is right twice a day, so enjoy it, Reds. Player of the game was Eugenio Suarez, whose head shot makes him look like a mix between Jose Altuve and Teddy Ruxpin. Shoutout to my small child Scooter Gennett for a late inning homer.
Spiders 2, Brewers 3 – Prof: #PitchersWhoRake? Oh, yeah, baby. Everyone raked in this game. It started out with the Brew Crew’s Travis Shaw going yard, bringing in Ryan Braun. Then the Magical Land of Cleve’s Jose Ramirez hit a solo homer, but in the bottom of the very same inning winning pitcher Brent Suter absolutely crushed a rocket to deep center field. While Francisco Lindor attempted to get Cleveland close again, Suter’s moonshot was the only thing Milwaukee needed. Josh Hader gets his fifth save of the season and brings his ERA down to 1.64. He’s sick. And that’s good.
Tigers 7, Rangers 4 – Scouts: Detroit got homers out of Jeimer Candelario, Victor Martinez, and Jose Iglesias, and then got Shane Greene to pick up a 4-out save to topple the Rangers.
Angels 2, Rockies 4 – Scouts: Jon Gray struck out 8 over 7 scoreless as the Rockies punched in their 9th consecutive quality start. Justin Upton was the sole bright spot for the Angels going 2-4 with a homer and a pair of RBI’s.
Twins 7, Cardinals 1 – Prof: Jake Odorizzi had a pretty good run yesterday at beautiful Busch Stadium Number Three. I mean, Jose Martinez smashed a tater off of him in the first inning, but Odorizzi straightened up and flew right. On a silly note, I kinda like that the Cardinals keep calling their stadium Busch Stadium no matter how many times they keep building new ones. Lord, I must be dying – I’ve complimented the Redbirds twice in as many days. Check my pulse.
Braves 1, Rays 0 – Prof: A low scoring affair, evenly matched pitchers, but the Braves had something that the Tampa Bay Sea Creatures didn’t. ACUÑA SZN, Y’ALL. RAJ hit a bomb, 434 feet into the foul depths of the Trop, and that’s all Atlanta needed to best the Rays.
Astros 4, Athletics 2 – Scouts: George Springer just keeps on mashing. The day after going 6-6, Springer delivered a key go-ahead two-run double. Oaklands gotta start thinking about giving Springer the Barry Bonds reinstatement for a little while.
Diamondbacks 8, Dodgers 5 F/12 – Scouts: This just isn’t the Dodgers year. Arizona smacked 4 homers, including the winning, 3-run shot by Daniel Descalso in the 12th. A.J. Pollock, Chris Owings, and John Ryan Murphy all touched off against the boys in blue.
Giants 2, Phillies 4 – Prof: The Phillies are pretty decent this year so far. Sure, they have a little ways to go, just as my Braves do, to really be a scary presence in the NL East, but it’s just that – a little way. Guys like Aaron Altherr, Scott Kingery, and Odubel Herrera are doing the heavy lifting. Behind this young, strong hitting corps is the arm of Aaron Nola, who at 24 has plenty of time to get stronger, wilier, and dangerous. As it stands now, Nola is rocking a 5-1 W-L with a 2.05 ERA and 0.89 WHIP. Not too shabby. I’m not going to make any predictions about Nola, because I don’t feel comfortable doing it, but I will say that he kind of reminds me of a certain ferocious ace that was overlooked for a few years before he broke out around age 25 or so. Nola’s got a year or two to climb that mountain. I think he might get there.