I’m tired and I’m worried to death about Freddie Freeman, who has somehow angered God and therefore is always being hit on the wrist by pitches. FF5 is the nicest guy. He gives random people hugs! He dances stupidly at weddings! He is beloved by even his rivals! He’s freaking Canadian! It just makes me sad. Let’s talk about some baseball games.
Phillies 3, Braves 7 (in Puerto Rico) – It started out so awesomely. I mean, legitimately awesome. This drop dead sexy catch by Ender Inciarte – who is beauty, grace, The Absolute Truth – would have been the highlight of the night.
Except that Freddie Freeman was hit on the wrist with a pitch. Again. Why does the universe hate me? Why do these things happen to Freddie? My wrist is useless, God, you can use mine if you give FF5 his back. As far as stats go, Ryan Flaherty hit a three run homer and Brandon McCarthy bounced back from some shoulder shenanigans to hold onto the win.
Spiders 1, Twins 2 F/16 (in Puerto Rico) – This game lasted for a hundred years. Joe Mauer and Zach Duke actually got older during it. No, for real, it crossed over into the next day and now it’s their birthday. So happy birthday, Joe and Zach. Let me tell you how crazy pants this game was: it went scoreless for fourteen innings. That’s right. FOURTEEN FULL SCORELESS. Looking at the box score for both teams, the list of pitchers could choke a yak. Minnesota used eight, The Land of Cleve used nine. Cleveland also used a number of pinch hitters and pinch runners, whereas the Twins pretty much danced with the ones what brung them. I’ve never heard of center fielder Ryan LaMarre, but he went 3-4 and drove in the winning run for the Twins. Boy, I sure hope they all have Unisom available so everyone can crash right away.
Rockies 2, Pirates 10 – There were a lot of high scoring games in MLB yesterday, and here’s a good place to start. The Bucs scored all these runs and only one of them were because of a home run (fourth inning, Sean Rodriguez hit a two run dinger to bring in David Freese). The rest were singles and doubles and sac flies, but little by little is how big things are done.
Rangers 2, Rays 4 – Oh, my. Did you know the Tampa Bay Sea Creatures had a pitcher named Jake Faria who hadn’t won a game in almost an entire year? This man didn’t get a win since last July. What the heck.
Orioles 5, Tigers 6 – MACHADO WINS IT! Um… Dixon Machado, that is. Darren O’Day coughed up three runs, but the Orioles hit a homer top of the ninth and was so close to winning it. Until some guy named Pedro Araujo took the mound for Baltimore and coughed up the game winning homer to a Tiger named Dixon Machado.
Reds 0, Brewers 2 – Yay, Christian Yelich is back! And he returned with flair, making a pretty sweet catch. Eric Thames homered and Zach Davies gets the win for the Brew Crew.
Astros 7, Mariners 1 – It’s a late game. Hopefully Stex can give us the rundown? Brian McCann, George Springer, and Carlos Correa all connected.
Dodgers 13, Padres 4 – There’s a guy named Max Muncy who has not hit a home run since 2016. Except he did last night. Kenta Maeda went 5 and 3/4 innings and fanned ten. Eighteen hits and 13 runs later, the Dodgers crushed San Diego and got a clean sweep.
White Sox 11, Athletics 12 F/14 – Oh my goodness! Fourteen innings and EVERYBODY gets a hit! Everything you can possibly think of happened – singles, homers, ground outs, doubles, sac flies, fielder’s choice! And, um, guess who was pitching for the White Sox? Big Lame James, that’s who.
Royals 5, Blue Jays 15 – J.A. Happ didn’t have to be perfect, he just had to be better than Kansas City. And while he gave up four, Toronto said, “It’s cool, bro, we got you” and racked up over a dozen, including six in the eighth inning alone. The Grandy Man hit a Grandy Slam (whomp whomp, don’t come at me, I didn’t come up with it) and a fellow named Teoscar Hernandez hit a two run homer of his own to help the Jays sweep the Royals.
Nationals 5, Mets 11 – I readily admit when I’m wrong, and SomeGuy, I was totes wrong about this. I figured the Nats had this in the bag because of the pitching matchup, even though I love Matz. It turns out that Matz and Roark really didn’t have anything to do with the outcome of this game. It started hot for Washington, with Ryan Zimmerman mashing a three run tater in the first inning. Slowly, the Mets began to chip away until a blockbuster eighth inning, brought to you by Ryan Madson, Sammy Solis, and A.J. Cole’s horrendous choices. The Mets scored nine in the eighth inning, including a dagger of a grand salami by Yoenis Cespedes.
Giants 4, Diamondbacks 3 F/10 – Brandon Belt hit a two run homer to break the tie and win the game for San Francisco.
Red Sox 9, Angels 0 – Rick Porcello went six scoreless, Mitch Moreland had himself a NIGHT, and Rafael Devers hit his first grand slam of his career.
Cardinals, Cubs PPD