For those of us not fortunate enough to be fans of the Astros, Cubs, Indians, Yankees or Dodgers we must prepare just as the players do for the regular season. And we must do it so well that like the players, we are able to react to the curveballs of the season on the basis of mental muscle memory reflexes. If you got to think about it when the ball’s coming at you at 90 mph plus that’s no good.
Opening day of camp let us begin; with a how to tutorial. If you don’t happen to speak this guy’s lingo, no matter, the point is for you to believe that whatever he is saying is whatever that which you might wish to be true.
We must condition the muscles of our minds to put aside their annoying fact based rational side and be convinced that which will happen will be that which would happen if we were God. As the players throw down protein shakes we must chug our vodka and toke on our joints.
Let’s start with some stretching exercises:
- The Twins march to the World Series behind the miraculous revival of the Freak!
- Miggy puts Tigers on his back and Tigers stay close on the heels of the Indians!
- Jeter is electrocuted while trying to uninstall Tommy, who reveals to be a sentient and wrathful non organic life form.
- Species 8472 eradicates the Borg
Now let’s play our first spring training game because this is how things shalt be in the regular season