Feesh Fillet Marine Organisms Race

Word arrives today that the Feesh Financial Folly reached new depths of absurdity today when the team formally discontinued its famed 6th-inning interregnum Sea Beasts Race, seen here:

There’s a sea dragon (or Sargasso seahorse), a multi-armed thing which I think is a sea louse, a stone crab (foreground) and a shark. I have no idea what that Teddy bear on your far right is doing there. Maybe it can’t tell a shark from a salmon. In any case, they are nevermore to race up the right field dirtway to the surprise and delight of the few kids at Macondo Banana Massacre Field. Score another one for utter joylessness under the carpetbagging regime of Sherman and Jeter.

Why did the team discontinue this wondrous tradition? Mike Hill must have found out they all had cancer.

However, the Feesh did announce that they will shortly unveil the larvae, elvers and fingerlings of the same species they have discontinued. That way, the marine organisms race will be equivalent to the Double- and Triple-A team they plan to field for the regular games.

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6 thoughts on “Feesh Fillet Marine Organisms Race

  1. I read about this on Twitter this evening. Apparently Meester Samson once threatened to fire EVERYONE associated with the sea creature race because the Octopus (named Julio, I guess?) once won a race. I guess he’s supposed to always lose? I don’t know. Anyway, I was gonna actually post about it, but you beat me to it 😛

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    • If this was fiction you couldn’t sell it. No one would believe it.

      Obviously the Marlins fans were having too good a time for them, and it had to be squelched.

      I will say that the first two years of Jim Crane’s reign in Houston had some moments so egregious (letting the best color commentator in the game go, the sno-cone poopgate scandal) that i despaired of ever raising my head again as a Houston fan. So maybe there is a scintilla of hope for the feesh. But with the Astros, you always felt that they had a clear course forward, even when they were screwing up. Not so much for the Marlins.

      Liked by 1 person

      • “If this was fiction you couldn’t sell it. No one would believe it.”

        Bravo, Stex… you just perfectly described the Trump administration using only thirteen words.

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