Hello FI Fam! Please excuse my absence, as I have been working a lot plus moving apartments and attempting to do all of this by myself. This, of course, means that any time I have where I’m not working or packing or moving or cleaning or unpacking is spent trying to catch up on sleep. Everything else kinda gets put on the back burner.
The days that I do have time are days where absolutely NOTHING is happening in the world of baseball. And the days where exciting things are happening (Chipper to the Hall of Fame, Yelich to Milwaukee), I literally fall asleep sitting in my chair while attempting to eat dinner. So that’s what’s been going on with me.
ANYWAY.
I’d like to write about the most important thing that happened while I was attempting to live a normal human life and failing miserably. The Braves have a new mascot. And friends…
He’s terrible.
His name is Blooper, and the name fits. He’s been described as a generic Phillie Phanatic, or the love child of Phanatic and Orbit, but I think he looks like a gene splice of Phanatic, Orbit, and an uncooked bratwurst.
Look at this dude. He has no mouth! He looks like he’s in a state of perpetual fear! What is this color? He looks like a faux fur covered worm with a jersey on. Who designed this thing? What are these horns? Why does he have a blotto W.C. Fields nose? Why does his fur look baggy like he underwent beriatric surgery? Guys, Blooper is awful. I feel bad for the mascot performer trapped inside because he’s been given a raw deal with this character.
There are ugly mascots out there in this world. I mean, D. Baxter the Bobcat is terrifying. But they have very talented performers inside of them that make you forget how awful they are and make you care about the mascot. I really hope Blooper also steals some of Phanatic and Orbit’s inner mojo because lord knows he’s gonna need it.
Fan Interference 
Yikes! Maybe it’s not too late to license Frankenstein’s Monster.
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at least you can see the humanity underneath of Frankenstein’s Monster. I can’t see anything from Blooper!
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And to make matters worse, “Blooper” sounds like one of the cute little pet names my grandmother had for shit when I was a child – as in, “So vat’s da matteh witch you yingele, you need to go take mit a bloopa?”
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Per your suggestion in the Feesh pitching thread, I just sent an email to scout asking for the ability to make posts here.
Good to see you back. I hope you get to turn off the afterburners for a while.
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I look forward to seeing your posts, Happy! 🙂 Let me know if you need any help.
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Also, I hope so, too. Things are kinda, sorta slowing down a titch, but it’s still cray.
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We have missed you, prof. But that mascot just shows imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Probably not a successful imitation, but it is clear who the models are.
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I’ve missed you guys, too! I’ll tell you how busy/tired I’ve been, I didn’t even get a chance to watch the HOF Special with Chipper and Thome. 😦 I mean, I didn’t want to miss it at all, those are my boys!
Everyone is floored at how much Blooper looks like the Phanatic. I am, too. It’s awful, it’s dollar store.
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The Indians are retiring Chief Wahoo. Maybe the Barves could sign him to a minor league contract.
Welcome back Prof. I was getting a little worried.
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I’m sorry, OG. It’s been a hectic month or so for me. I had several deadlines at work that just absolutely kicked my butt, plus moving and packing, etc. It’s hard enough to do it with people when but you’re doing it all by yourself it’s like three times as hard. lol
Like I said, I even missed the HOF announcement and then fell asleep not long after I watched Thome’s phone call on the Land of Cleve twitter page. That’s pathetic! 😦
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Way past time to retire the mascots that preserve racial stereotypes. That’s good news. Happy day, Prof!
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Yeah, I know the feeling. I’ve been absolutely SLAMMED at work to the point where I’ve been really happy it’s been such a slow winter because I simply haven’t had any time to even read the site let alone ponder any spelling ridden unarticulated articles. Hopefully once people start signing, things will settle down for me at work and I can get back to typing out completely forgettable posts.
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Uggh city! He reminds me of that scene in The Matrix where Neo gets his mouth erased by the agents. Bring back Chief Noc-a-homa!
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I was championing bringing up Chopper from Gwinnett. He’s super cute, a fan fave, and different!
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Prof, contrary to your take on feeling bad for the person inside the costume, I envy him/her as they don’t have to look at it.
Glad to see you back. I was assuming you & scouts were just mimicking the activity level of the Cold Stove League.
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No, believe it or not I actually wanted to write about Milwaukee going HAM on outfielders but, you know, exhaustion took over.
Imagine being Blooper. How sad.
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Save your sympathy for the late great Haruo Nakajima, the former martial arts champ who wore the 200-pond unventilated Godzilla suit in the 1954 original, occasionally passing out from heat stroke in the process:
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