According to the ruins of the Feesh web site, Loria Light has dispatched Bloody Michael Hill on one of the few missions at which he has proven himself adept: mounding up yet another scrap heap of mediocre, over-the-hill or werk-for-fude pitchers to what the team describes as “stabilize” the rotation (much as, say, a bucket of hardened cement “stabilizes” a mob hit when you throw him overboard).
Here are some of the names which have surfaced (you need to be sure you put enough cement in the bucket to orfset the buoyancy factor of the gasses of putrefaction): Wade Miley, Jaime Garcia, Chris Tillman, the prodigal Ricky Nolasco (“My pitcher was dead but now he is alive! My pitcher was dead but now he is alive!”) and – are you ready for this? – Bartolo Colon! On this last one, no gasses of putrefaction would be necessary to bring him to the surface. The guy is an ambulatory fishing bob anyway.
Then again, Bruce did take down five barrels, right?
The average ERA of these guys is somewhere between 4.50 and 5.50. I have no doubt that, sensing the franchise’s desperation at this point, the current holders of their contracts will squeeze blood, lymph and spinal fluid out of the Feesh in return for their services.