Feesh Seeking “Low Cost Options” to “Stabilize” the Rotation

Author by Old GatorPosted in Baseball

According to the ruins of the Feesh web site, Loria Light has dispatched Bloody Michael Hill on one of the few missions at which he has proven himself adept: mounding up yet another scrap heap of mediocre, over-the-hill or werk-for-fude pitchers to what the team describes as “stabilize” the rotation (much as, say, a bucket of hardened cement “stabilizes” a mob hit when you throw him overboard).

Here are some of the names which have surfaced (you need to be sure you put enough cement in the bucket to orfset the buoyancy factor of the gasses of putrefaction): Wade Miley, Jaime Garcia, Chris Tillman,  the prodigal Ricky Nolasco (“My pitcher was dead but now he is alive! My pitcher was dead but now he is alive!”) and – are you ready for this? – Bartolo Colon! On this last one, no gasses of putrefaction would be necessary to bring him to the surface. The guy is an ambulatory fishing bob anyway.

Then again, Bruce did take down five barrels, right?

The average ERA of these guys is somewhere between 4.50 and 5.50. I have no doubt that, sensing the franchise’s desperation at this point, the current holders of their contracts will squeeze blood, lymph and spinal fluid out of the Feesh in return for their services.

 

 

23 thoughts on “Feesh Seeking “Low Cost Options” to “Stabilize” the Rotation”

  4. Does no one understand the genius of Derek?????

    The Harlem Globetrotters had an opposing team that lost every game. Two games on Sundays. Those guys made a good living traveling the Globe and never quite reaching success, but hey, they filed a 1040 with good income and “PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE” for an occupation. Derek proposes to treat every opponent like the Globetrotters.

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        1. Feesh pitching hasn’t gotten many people out, period. It isn’t likely to do so for the next several years, either.

          BTW where the hell are any of our other bylined correspondents? Prof? Scout? Historio has an excuse. Wedding prep is like getting fitted out for a lunar mission. The rest of you?

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        2. Well, wouldn’t nobody get no hits off me because I don’t think I could throw it all the way to home plate.

          Gator: I offered to Scout to be a correspondent here late in the day of the new year’s resolution thread and got no response. I don’t know if that was a polite silence or ….. I was ready to accept polite silence but no longer am.

          My first idea would be some Hot Stove league Minnesota Furnace Porn. Like we need somebody to conjure up something really clever to get together and talk a couple or three times a week during the dark cold off season, and beyond. Histro has my email address – so does badhair if he’s still with us.

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        3. I’m guilty of making the offer and then not following up. Will try to rectify that. As I said, I am now on the glide path to retirement with my company and my fantasy baseball league has gone belly up. I need something constructive to keep me away from the gambling and porn sites. 🙂

          BTW, I have already decided on my first article:

          THE BIG HURT’S BIG COMMERCIAL subtitled THE DAY MY HEAD EXPLODED.

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        4. Well, somebody had better step up. It’s not like there’s nothing going on out there, and I can only do so much, especially given my antipathy – often spoken in jest but, I assure you, genuine nonetheless – to designatedhitterball. I think it’s telling, and not in a good way, that neither Scout nor Prof has responded to this discussion after three or four days.

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        5. I’ve been working a lot and when I’m not working, I have been packing, moving, unpacking, and cleaning to my new place. So unfortunately I have pretty much had no time for anything else. If it makes you feel better I haven’t talked to my own family since Christmas so it’s not just you.

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        6. Also, Happy, did you email Scout to apply? fan [dot] interference [at] yahoo dotcom, he probably didn’t see your comment. I don’t see everyone’s comments, either, sadly.

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    1. I wanna brag about my furnace. It is so efficient that it’s final exhaust is not warm enough to ensure that it will rise and exhaust through a traditional up through the roof chimney. It instead exhausts through a basement window through what I think looks like a big white plastic penis. If I can get my son over here to help me figure out how I’d include some groin area blood flow enhancing pics to illustrate.

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      1. Well, thanks at any rate for brightening things up here with your own frostbitten brand of absurdity. Down here in Macondo we don’t know from furnaces, but I do use my coal chute to receive my monthly bulk delivery of Metamucil.

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        1. So you know, I sent an email to Historio last night asking her to forward my email address to Scout and Prof along with a request that they contact me. So far no response.

          Metamucil? Recipe?

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