Feesh Cagey viz Realmuto and Yelich. Fate of Castro Unknown.

“Castro? I love that guy, man,” says Feesh manager Jar Jar Baseball, referring to the team’s interim second baseman, the slugging if slow afoot and stonehanded Starlin, that is. “He has more power than most second basemen in our division.”  (Somehow the skipper’s comments reminded me of Casey Stengel’s comment that Roger Maris had “more power than Staleen.”) However, with a ten million annual salary it isn’t likely that LoriaLight plans to keep Starchild around past spring training. The Feesh have been leaking inferences that they plan to keep Castro at second after trading Dee Gordon, who hit for higher average, steals more bases and provides gold glove caliber defense up the middle – and who wasn’t being paid any more for his superior performance – for a couple of stocking stuffer EYPs. Go figger.

Meanwhile the team also leaks, via asides from the franchise’s answer to Charles Carneglia, one Bloody Michael Hill, that oh so affordable and well controlled (unlike, say, a 67-year-old bladder) outfielder Christian Yelich and catcher “Impact Jack” J T Realmuto, who have both said they want out of the mosquito infested brackish sump into which BeepBeep and his carpetbaggers have transformed Macondo Banana Massacre Field, are not really available (note “really”) while the Gnats drool all over his Rosa Klebb dagger Guccis and, so the grapevine transmits, contemplate forging a mega-deal for the pair.

Perhaps our newly minted correspondent Someguyinva can furnish how this hot stove boilover looks from his catbird seat.  Time to go to work, Someguy.

 

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26 thoughts on “Feesh Cagey viz Realmuto and Yelich. Fate of Castro Unknown.

      • No. But thanks for offering.
        Meanwhile I’m sitting in the American Airlines Admirals Club nestled amid the ruins of La Guardia Airport surrounded by fellow decaying yuppies, waiting for my flight out of this Buddhaforsaken icebox and this unnatural meteorological aberration known to the tropical as weenter, on a flight originally scheduled to depart at 7:26 PM now delayed for the third time until 9:45PM after my 5PM flight from JFK yesterday got cancelled and I spent the night at a local Best Western eating dialup Chinese food (not bad, ackcherley). Judging by their caps, there are Borg fan here. Horrible.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ah, so you are among the poor unwashed masses whose luggage are just being tossed out willy-nilly at JFK with no consideration as to what airline they flew, what flight it was, when it came in… I saw pictures and it looked like the warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, only instead of looted cultural treasures, it was rows and rows of Samsonite.

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        • That reely stanks for you. And for everyone else thusly cancellationed and rerouted. But it might comfort you ever so slightly to hear that even in SoFlo there was some strange weather the last few days….the locals didn’t know what to call it, but one feller tried to resell several frigid iguanas that he had collected from underneath trees to resell as protein supplements….until they started to rouse and crawl around due to the heat circulating in his car.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Remember how fucked my life was a year ago? Well, I am still broke but can pay my bills. I have a 2 minute part that led me to a another part that was written with my personality in mind.
          The film is called Fishing for birds and is in the process of being sold. My check is only going to be a couple thousand, but I am now an executive producer, co-writer, and the fucking star of karate Dan.

          It’s a pilot that we’re going to film for Netflix etc. To buy. IF they buy it, I will be replaced with a real actor and they can do what they want.

          However, I will have credits as a screen writer on two different things.

          I improvised my lines on the first one, and get to write my own absurdist shit in the other as I am the lead. I would NEVER, EVER, thought I could act, never mind fucking write a screen play.

          All of you magnificent people who writes so well, gave me the courage to, and by reading you, to step up and do something that I would never have done.

          OG. Well let’s face it, you’re the best writer next to me, prof, bad hair, scouts. . . Etc.

          You my friend definitely made top 10!

          Anyways, at the risk of being exposed as a fraud for my acting, the reason for why I got the star treatment. I, in the film started tapping my fingers on the wall I was leaning against because I forgot my frigging line! Turns out that in acting, that’s called a fucking beat that can’t be taught!

          Silly people that believe in me.

          If you want to know about the pilot further, just ask. I don’t want to make this all about me.

          I SO WANT TO MAKE THIS ALL ABOUT ME. Haha Seriously. Love you prof. You do you and I will provide you with many reasons to be You!
          I love your writing and I love you. Never change.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Slappy, that is super cool news! ☺ Can’t believe we can all say “we knew Slappy when…” haha

          I am hoping that in ways great and small, 2018 is a year of exploration. Keep us posted, man.

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      • Naahhh. What he means is he really likes to hear from someone as honestly in pain as you. We cultivate a special brand of sadomasochistic voyeurism here.

        Or is it just me, being a Feesh fan?

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  1. JarJar Baseball, I love it! I can just see him in uniform giving a post-game interview in his singsong voice and his inadequate grasp of the game. Or trying to hit a curve ball with his light sabre. But when I read the headline I thought you were talking about Fidel, who, the way it’s going lately, may be platooning in right with Eecheeroh next year.

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    • Ichiro got non-renewed in September as part of the LoriaLight charm offensive. He’s been hanging out in Japan with his good buddy Justin Bour. The Wild Bour has managed thereby to avoid being interviewed or questioned embarrassingly about the asterisks who have taken over the Feesh. So far I haven’t heard anything about Ichiro signing with any other team.
      Ren! Where has our ace east Pacific rim correspondent got orf to?

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      • We shall see whether Jeets conducts a sudden mad rush for low-priced bodies to fill his roster right before (or during) spring training. Like a Flashing Blue-Light special. I suspect he doesn’t realize how little actual talent he has left on the 40-man right now. After he trades away Yelich and Realmuto that is.

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        • I think he knows he can get some warm bodies for Yelich…. but he probably doesn’t even realize the jewel he’s got there.

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        • Are you kidding? I think he figgers he can get some bodies with a few lithopedions stuck in their fallopian tubes he can use to make a necklace.

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  2. Mike Rizzo & co. have a pretty solid record when it comes to swinging trades. If I were a Marlins fan, the last thing I would want to see is someone as inexperienced as Derek Jeter trying to negotiate with them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Au contraire, Jeter is already so widely detested down here and hope for the team’s performance has reached such a nadir that most of us – yours truly included – would love to see Jeter and his hatchet man get raped by guys like Rizzo or Anthopoulis just for the frisson of seeing them humiliated.

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      • With the tongue bath that Jeter received from the media throughout pretty much his entire career, I’m not sure that he is capable of feeling humiliation. Remember, he has a plan! It will just take some time for it to come to fruition – maybe a few years after he gets all his money back.

        I still remember a fellow Nats fan complaining to me about how all the free agents will want to go to the Marlins, because Jeter. It seems kind of quaint now. I haven’t seen such a negative turn in a team so quickly, since ‘lil Danny Snyder took over the local pointy-ball team. As bad as Jeter & company have been, it can always get worse. They still haven’t come close to touching the level of incompetence that has been on display with the ownership group of the D.C. football team. I don’t even like football, yet I am endlessly entertained by the drama surrounding that operation.

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        • It will get worse. Beep Beep ackcherley said the way to fill Macondo Banana Massacre Field is to feature more Latin-themed musical events before and after games. I have to learn to stop shaking my head at such clueless pronouncements before it pops orf its pivot point.

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      • I keep telling my fellow Braves fans that we actually have a good chance of snagging Yelich or JT for some loose change and maybe one or two arms on the farm. But of course the Braves have roughly 3 dozen high quality pitching prospects. I don’t think Jeets would even need a Soroka toget this done.

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