Christmastime is here by golly / To deny it would be folly / Deck the halls with bolls of holly / Fill the cup and don’t say ‘when.’ / Kill the turkeys ducks and chickens / Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens / Even though the prospect sickens / Brother, here we go again.
While the rest of us were striving to put The Nazz back in Christmas, Something went down the other day while I was too immersed in holiday dinner prep to notice but it protracts the misery of this holiday season, a misery visited on the remnants of the Macondo Feesh fan community (who right now resemble setpieces from The Walking Dead) by the advent of carpetbaggers Sherman and Jeter and the extenuation of their private Igor, Mike Hill.
A local spawrts tork host named Dan LeBatard (formerly a spawrtsriter for the Macondo Feeshwrapper until he got wrestled out of Johnny Rocket’s for being drunk and disorderly by a Macondo gendarme – and no, I have no idea how someone can get drunk and disorderly in a Johnny Rocket’s ):
….inflicted a contentious interview on MLB’s commissioner and secret tobacco squirter (come on, you knew he had a reason for having his teeth done that way) Rob Manfred.:
Watch out, you there in the front row! Here’s the interview. LeBatard caught Manfred lying several times but, then, how hard is that?
MLB fired a stiff complaint at ESPN about their host’s “treatment” of the organizations’s Bullshit-Artist-in-Chief which doesn’t seem to have amounted to much. Here’s what’s funniest about LeBatard’s performance, though: for the better part of fourteen years LeBatard featured Scrooge McLoria’s Chihuahua on his local show and uncritically allowed him to vomit his doubletalk and condescension to the area fans about how he and his boss were misrunning the franchise and driving fans away like deer from a brushfire. Even so, it was fun to hear the Commish sweating out loud.
Other thing: today’s Feeshwrapper subheadlined an article entitled “25 things you never knew about Derek Jeter, like “he had a 3.82 average in high school.” The article concludes with a photo of Jeter generously autographing a baseball for a little boy at the conclusion of the “town hall” meeting earlier this week where a crowd of angry ticket holders handed him his asterisk. How utterly hagiographic. I’ve never seen this writer’s byline in the Feeshwrapper before and the whole thing smells like a plant. Er, I mean, feesh. The charm offensive has begun!
3 thoughts on “Yuletide is the Time for Charm Offensives: Jeter in Hell, Part II”
“Mr Jeter Toys R Us has told me that they are willing to donate a bunch of their overstocked Christmas toys for the sake of the tax write off and the PR if you’re willing to dress up in a Santa Clause suit and hand them out at a pediatric cancer ward. May I notify the TV stations?…But sir we should only have to be there for a couple of hours.”
You’ll have to let me know if he went for it or not. I have to go start my clam chowder. Hope it turns out. I haven’t made it in around 25 years.
In October 1960 the legendary Lord Buckley had finally landed a major label recording contract – I think it was CBS records. A prominent recording artist’s manager – think of a musical Scott Boras – who had been a big fan of Buckley’s totally outside humor had championed his cause. Some of the top executives of the record company were at the studio waiting to meet the bebop comedy legend. Buckley arrived with two beautiful hookers and instructed them to remove their clothing and give the executives blow jobs. These upstairs at 30-Rock types freaked, crying “no, no, we can’t allow that here!”
“But gentlemen,” His Lordship replied, “there’s no charge!”
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I want to know whether he went for it or not.