To All those Asterisks Out there Who Think Feesh Fans Should Mindlessly Support their Team

I’ve been doing an enormous amount of kitchen prep for the descent of my brood for holiday dinner on Sunday so I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate what follows while grating potatoes, halving Brussels sprouts, boiling cranberries and separating egg yolks for cran/raspberry-key lime pie (I will use the whites tomorrow for a salmon caviar egg white omelet; I’ve provided the recipe for it in years past but will also engift you with it below when I’m finished commenting on the topic at hand).

I’ve been reasonably assiduous in my perusal of the many comments accreting on the web about the Sherman-Jeter cabal’s virtual destruction not only of the Feesh franchise itself but of the Macondo fan base, this latter perhaps the most damaged community of the pair. The whole sordid process suggests to me a twin quasar, with one black hole (the franchise) sucking an orbiting star (the fan base) into its lightlessness while emitting a dying scream of betrayal and indignation. Much of what I have to say below will consist of reportage of all the stupid things the net’s most clueless fans have had to say, as well as a few perceptive comments by the scarce lucid among them.

Consider that Jeter has invested $25 million of his own money in the team, and is paying himself back $5 million per year to do a job he’s never done before. This means he will have recouped his own investment in five years, whereupon anything this bunch of jackals can make on the resale of the ruins of the Feesh will be his gravy. Among all the investers in his group, he is the only one who is guaranteed to profit. He may be an asterisk but he is no fool.

Which is not to say there are no fools within his event horizon. One of the most obnoxious comments on the ongoing Feesh fiasco, and one of the most-oft-repeated, is the “Marlins fans don’t support their team!” meme. Vectored by the ignorantly sanctimonious, this dumb assertion – yes, a comment can be both true and stupid at the same time – discounts how four successive ownerships have systematically insulted local fans and destroyed both their faith and interest in the franchise while MLB’s cretinous brainstem trust either permitted their fire sales and payroll dumps or egged them on to them. These morons often cite the continued sizable attendance figures of, say, the Cubs or Pirates, teams with 100-year-plus traditions, as if the gullibility of others who shell out to watch an inferior product should be the yardstick by which all fan behavior is measured.  Many opine “you can’t have a winning team if nobody buys tickets” to which the obvious response is “nobody wants to buy tickets to see consistent losers unless you’re a moron.”

The other repetitive idiot’s meme is the “Marlins fans have won two World Series while Cubs fans had to wait 106 years” refrain, and a variety of corollaries. First of all, what Cubs fan this side of the central Caucasus ackcherley waited 106 years for them to win? My guess is the Cubs must have had a lot of fans who look like this….

…waiting around all that time to see a winner who then hung around to whine about how long it took and how grateful Feesh fans ought to be.

By contrast, the last time the Feesh sniffed the postseason was 2003, a mere fifteen years ago, and before that 1997, 21 years ago. I would point out that a 15 year wait is harder on real live fans than a 106-year wait is on dead ones. On the other hand, many current Feesh fans looked like this…

….if even that well defined the last time the Feesh won one of their many coveted championships. I don’t think my grandson had even been conceived yet.

Anyway, I would sum up my observations by asserting that people who don’t really know anything about what life was like under Wayne Huizinga and Scrooge McLoria really have no right to pass judgment on how Feesh fans have, if not abandoned the franchise, then been driven away from it.  As this battered, exploited and abused franchise prepares to set its alltime low attendance record for a season while those of us with special glasses can see swarms of John Shirley’s akishra  (from his horror masterpiece Wetbones) sucking on the lid of Macondo Banana Massacre Field like inverted hydras in pondwater, all with faces resembling Derek Jeter’s, I have no doubt that the voices of the sanctimonious and the stupid will continue to rise in a chorus of blame-the-victim chastisement. Well, stupid is as stupid does. I really don’t care anymore.

However, fine cuisine still appeals to me.  Here’s that recipe I promised, more or less:

Ikura Omelet

In the evening, mix one heaping teaspoon of warmed and softened cream cheese with a half teaspoon of fresh finely chopped dill, a dash of salt and pepper and two heaping teaspoons of sour cream in a small dessert cup. Cover with plastic wrap and leave in the fridge overnight to macerate.

In the morning, add a heaping teaspoon (or more, to taste) of fresh salmon roe (also known as ikura to sushi aficionados)  to the mix along with a half teaspoon of finely diced onion. Prepare a two to three egg omelet as you usually would. When the omelet is set shut orf the burner immediately and allow to cool just a bit, then spoon the ikura over one side of the omelet,  fold the other side over it and serve. Oh boy.

8 thoughts on “To All those Asterisks Out there Who Think Feesh Fans Should Mindlessly Support their Team

  1. I feel terrible for Marlins fans. I honestly do. Your team has been blown up so many times, you’d think it was the Indiana Jones stage show at Disney-MGM Studios. There’s no excuse for it. I think that, if we’re honest here, y’all had some crazy loyal fans. I saw Marlins fans in Milwaukee when I lived there, and they were actual fans, too. For god’s sake, they knew who Derek Dietrich actually was. That’s true fandom.

    It’s not their fault (the fans) that they’ve had some of the most disgusting slug owners of their team for years, and now have yet another ownership group that views it as a get rich quick scheme instead of a baseball team.

    My joke about the two dozen Feesh fans in my previous post was a (bad, I admit it) take on how many fans are probably going to be left after Jeter and Circus get done gutting the franchise for the 99th time.

    That omelet sounds marvy.


  2. In a perfect world, the citizens of Florida would all band together and demand their fucking money back for that goddamn stadium that Loria and the rest of MLB pulled a bait and switch to get. Manfred is a fucking liar and Jeter is a trator and they both deserve to be run out of town with pointy sticks. I have never in my life been so angry with MLB as I have since this deal has been struck.


    1. The Cubs and Astros didn’t keep the same loser who built their tranwrecks – Michael Hill, in this case – to reconfigure their franchises. But then, as I said earlier, Jeter doesn’t need a genius for his hatchet man.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Feeling oddly conspiratorial at the moment, I’m wondering if this whole “screw the Marlins fans over and over” trend might not be some sort of politically motivated stab at ultra-nearby Cuba and its socialistic history. Maybe the capitalists are still whipping the Cuban immigrants for having escaped from the clutches of Castroism, and for loving beisbol so much. Makes no sense, you say? Why else then would MLB consistently allow this sort of ownership behavior only here, pray, tell?


    1. That is indeed an oddly conspiratorial sentiment. Don’t forget: many fiascos complexly attributed to conspiracies can be much more simply attributed to mere stupidity.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Invoking Occam’s Razor, are you? To explore that further, if stupidity keeps happening in the same place, but is executed by different people each time, then what conclusion can we draw? Or, perhaps it’s another corollary of the now-hackneyed statement about insanity, like, errr, you know, “The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result.” Which in this case would be the fleecing of the citizenry.


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