Is there a sadder fanbase in baseball than the Miami Marlins? Even our very own Old Gator has sailed on, having seen their loyalty flushed down the toilet like so much waste. So it was with great surprise and not a small amount of solidarity that I followed the happenings of Derek Jeter and Mike Hill’s town hall with the poor dopes who still publicly identify as Feesh fans today.
The world’s most famous Marlins fan, the Marlins Man, went on the offensive:
Bro, that was my life as a Braves fan a couple of years ago. But we didn’t have anything coming down the pike, whereas the Fish actually had some good, solid building blocks which were promptly sold off and/or destroyed.
Other not-as-famous fans made their feelings known to Jeter and Circus. One woman began to cry as she discussed her anger at the team getting rid of Stanton and Ichiro. Another man spilled the tea when Jeets said that the team didn’t have good attendance when they had a decent team and the reigning NL MVP: they didn’t attend because Loria was there. Surprise, Jeter; fans actually DO pay attention to the owners and they actually DO care what the owners do. Witness the bile that is oozed out on the regular by Mets fans against the Wilpons. Scrooge McLoria was the most hated owner in baseball, and probably top three in all of sports. He routinely screwed the fans over with his cheap ways and hamfisted power plays.
Jeter then said they need to attempt to draw more Latinx baseball fans to Macondo Banana Massacre Park:
Cool, cool, but have you considered putting a winning product on the diamond?
All in all, Jeter attempted to placate the citizens of Miami, Mike Hill threw Jeff Loria under the wheels of the Marlins Mobile, fans put down their pitchforks for roughly three minutes while they were lied to straight faced while they cried (literally).
But unlike Rod Stewart or Van Morrison, they are not finding a reason to believe. Not so much anymore. They only have Yelich, Realmuto, and the Big Buckin’ Chicken to hang their bright orange hats on, and two of those men are probably headed off to other teams really soon.
Good luck, Miami.