Today is the day we give thanks to the various extinct Massachusetts native American tribes, like, oh, the Pequod, for being gullible enough to keep our ancestors alive through the bitter seventeenth century weenters long enough for us to turn on them and wipe them out. Without their credulity, we might still be living in places like Luxembourg, Kaliningrad Oblast, San Marino, Gabon, Eritrea, Palestine, Hainan and Myanmar.
So, while you’re enjoying your turkeys and the tryptophan therefrom is unraveling your telomeres at an accelerated pace, let’s pause for just a moment to kneel during the playing of our national musical trainwreck as your favorite football team takes the field and acknowledge with a bit of perspective the sea of both native and non-indigenous blood upon which we’ve floated this arrogant, vain, cockamamie civilization of ours.
Now then, what’s everybody making for dinner today?
Urrrrppppp. ‘Scuse me.