All two dozen remaining Feesh fans are on tenterhooks as the Lords of Baseball converge at the architecturally misbegotten Swan Hotel at Walt Disney World where, it is feared, LoriaLight will trade away the Iron Giant for a bag of batting practice baseballs and some self-imposed cap space, continuing the process of spitting in our faces first established by Wayne Huizinga, John Henry and the unlamented Scrooge McLoria. It never ends. Other members of what the spawrts pwess merrily y’clept the Feesh’s “young core” (which is also what they call a nuclear reactor recently filled with fresh uranium pellets) , like Christian Yelich, Marcell the Damned and Dee Gordon, must go on the block. They are atoning for the awful personnel decisions made by Scrooge and his sycophant, President of Baseball Operations Mike Hill, this year’s poster boy for political correctness in MLB executive hiring. We’re groping for some other logic not befouled by issues of race in releasing all kinds of competent executives, coaches and, worst of all, players, while hanging on to this architect of the team’s wretched current state of affairs. We can’t find one.
Boggled with terrible contracts to Wei Yin Chen, Martin Prado and Edinson Volquez, all of whom are injured but whose deals have years to go before they sleep, BeepBeep is desperately trying to shave the payroll down to about $90 million. This means the most exciting player the franchise has ever produced and his $30 million per year will have to go, too. It’s salary dump season in Macondo once again, boys and girls. Line up in front of the trough and barf there if you need to.
Meanwhile, all of you have rooting interests who will be involved in the feeding and dumping frenzy which begins tomorrow. So, while down here in Macondo we’re huddling together like that lady and her daughter during Godzilla’s rampage through Tokyo, we invite you to project your Hot Stove fantasies and analyses below as we attempt to migrate away from last week’s bilefest over Michael Felger’s imbecility. Whattayagot, dudes?