It’s Ba-a-a-a-ck! Strange Attractor Resurfaces in Feeliedelfia

I’ve been so busy playing ketchup with all the unfinished business that piled on my plate while I was soaking up the London ambiance that I almost didn’t notice that the Feesh had hauled themselves back to the strange attractor (62-62) with their doubleheader sweep of the wretched Feelies on Tuesday. While Macondo was turning moldy from the remnants of IncestN200R (or whatever it was), the Rainbow Warriors pounded the Horrible Horsemeat and Velveeta™ boys for 19 runs and 27 hits (including dingers by the Iron Giant, Ichiro, Yelich, Ozuna and Realmuto) to claw their way back into the field of gossamer reality waves whose attraction they haven’t felt since they were 10-10 on April 24.

Mind you, the Feelies did manage to put up 12 runs of their own, six courtesy of the still atrocious Feesh boolpen, and slugged about eight dingers of their own. I suspect the team by the Delaware estuary will be pretty potent in a couple of years if they get some pitching. But right now the reinvigorated Macondo Nine find themselves on the fringes of the NL wild card hunt again, five and a half back of the Rocky Mountain Oysters.  As incomprehensible as that might seem to anyone who happened to watch them crater like the K/T meteorite in May, the guys are talking seriously about “making a push.”But then in June a few things went right: the worst of the peetching detritus bumbling Michael Hill scraped together over the past couple of unlamented orfseasons – Wei Yin Chen, Jeff Locke, Tom Koehler and, more ambivalently, Edinson Volquez – flamed out of the staph infection with a variety of injuries and nonperformances, allowing room for Jose Urena (12-5!), Justin Nicolino, Adam Conley and yes, even Vance Worley, to come into their own. Spring phenom Dillon Peters has worked his way back from an early season thumb fracture and looks almost ready for his September debut. Justin Bour (the one whose tushy Prof admires) is stepping up his rehab from a strained oblique and could be back in the lineup by Labor Day. The one ominous figure lurking on the horizon is the rehabbing Chen who could also be back before the season is over. Aiyeee, he returns….

Is it merely coincidental that the team has been playing so much better ever since it was revealed that its widely hated owner was seriously preparing to sell it? I think not. I think not. The atmosphere in the clubhouse has slowly been changing back to nitrogen, oxygen and inert gasses from thirteen years of methane, which as we all know cometh from…eh….

The Rainbow Warriors still find themselves looking up at a lot of competition but at the very least they’ve positioned themselves to be detestable spoilers, adding interest to a home stretch brightened by the prospects of shortly being rid of Scrooge McLoria, the Chihuahua and Bloody Mike Hill. Beep Beep is waiting in the wings to get his hands on the throttles. He’s virtually assured of a longer honeymoon that Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman.

4 thoughts on “It’s Ba-a-a-a-ck! Strange Attractor Resurfaces in Feeliedelfia

  1. With 38 games left to play, the Feesh have already won 3 more games than the Twins last year, very impressive!

    Got a recipe for you

    Haldol Freezie

    15 mg Haldol – finely ground
    16 year old Dairy Queen employee desperately trying to help her bi polar father
    Temporarily (we hope) delusional father who still endearingly retains a sweet tooth
    I assume you can surmise the preparatory steps.


  2. Ah, the Big Buckin Chicken has blessed my life with that goofy grin and donut eatin thickness. Dude is built and I like that.

    Says the girl currently dating a fellow maybe a half inch taller than her, much thinner, with no thickness at all. Lol life is funny.


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