Prof: Thank you, everyone. I wish you fuzzy red pandas and small puppies. Y’all are really great. While I’m not quite where I wanna be, it’ll be okay. I just wanted everyone to know in case I am not my usual spiffy self, not to worry anyone. This will be the last I bring it up, but I just wanted to say thanks for your warm wishes and kind words. I’m glad to know you.
Reds 5, Cubs 15 – Prof: This was a blowout, but it did give us something super awesome. Not only did we get a position player on the mound, but that position player? MY BOY, SCOOTER GENNETT!
Scoots gave up a hit to Javy Baez, but give him a break. He’s a second baseman. And not everyone can be Jeff Francoeur! (insert crying laughing emoji here)
Orioles 11, Mariners 3 – Scouts: Tim Beckham, Seth Smith, and Trey Mancini all hit homers. Manny Machado added a Grand Slam for good measure as the O’s beat up on a former teammate.
Braves 0, Rockies 3 – Prof: I’m ok with the Braves losing this game, and it’s because this was the first game back for Colorado’s Chad Bettis after battling cancer. While Bettis didn’t get the W on paper, he totally won the night, going seven scoreless innings and gaining the respect of his teammates, fans, and competitors.
Giants 3, Marlins 8 – Prof: Congrats Iron Giant, for breaking the Feesh’s franchise single season home run record, and now holding 43 for the season. 43. Can you believe it? We have almost two months left of regular season ball. Stanton is hitting a home run like every day lately. How many could he get before we’re done? Marcell the Damned thought that Stanton was having too much fun so he hit a home run himself just to say he could.
Royals 6, Athletics 2 – Scouts: Cam Gallagher hit his first career home run. It just so happened to be a grand slam. I’m pretty sure that’s one he’ll never forget.
Phillies 4, Padres 7 – Scouts: These two teams are a combined 43 games under .500.
Tigers 2, Rangers 6 – Prof: Ho hum. Joey Gallo hit another home run, snooze. It’s his 33rd, yawn. The kid’s alright. The Rangers also delivered on the little things, too; stolen bases, squeeze bunts, you know, stuff like that. We also had an ump show, provided by….oh wow, who would have guessed? Angel Hernandez! One of everyone’s favorite umpires decided to throw out Ian Kinsler for arguing balls and strikes (which I get, but still). And then Beautiful Brad got run when he went out to talk it over. Because we all came to see Angel!
Astros 0, Diamondbacks 2 – Scouts: Arizona didn’t give Zack Greinke much to work with, but then again he didn’t need it. Zach and the bullpen were able to shut out the Astros while still giving up 7 hits.
Indians 7, Red Sox 3 – Prof: Sometimes you just gotta get pissed. Edwin Encarnacion did. He had a bad at-bat in the second inning, broke his bat in a fit of anger, then came back to homer back to back. In skateboarding, when you have a bad run, a lot of guys break their boards. They call it “focus”. Maybe more hitters should focus their bats?
Mets 2, Yankees 4 – Prof: Subway Series never disappoints. The Yankees had power from their young guns, and the first game of the series goes to the Bronx. Aaron Judge, Aaron Hicks, and
Aaron Gary Sanchez all hit home runs.
Rays 1, Blue Jays 2 – Scouts: Josh Donaldson smacked a two run shot in the first. Tampa came back with a run in the second, and that was your ballgame. The Rays who at one point were thinking of making a run for it have dropped 8 of their last 10.