I’m minding my own business, reading Deadspin like I usually do, when I see an article that should be right up my alley. Deadspin ranked pro sports mascots. Well, as a fan and connoisseur of mascots, I thought, “well, let’s see what’s up with this article.”
No. No. Wrong. All wrong, people!
First of all, they rank Mr. Met as the best pro mascot. Of all mascots. I love Mr. Met but the best? No, sorry. The Phanatic, the once and future king of all mascots, was second. No love for the Galapagos Islands, Deadspin?
I’m going through the list and then I see the slight of all slights. They rank Orbit, my beloved green fuzzy wuzzy trolly alien, below the likes of Viktor the Viking (are you on drugs?), Sluggerrr (no?), Bernie Brewer (um, he literally only goes down slides and dances sometimes?), The Friar (???), and S.J. Sharkie! Oh, hell no!
I just can’t, you guys.