Prof: I need a vacation! I mean, I really, REALLY need a vacation. I’m torn between some quiet beach and a tour of the Yorktown battlefield. Yeah, that’s the kind of vacation I like, nerdy history tours. Have any of our FI family members gone on a trip lately? Other than you, Gator, since you are an International Man of Mystery.
Blue Jays 4, Braves 8 – Prof: I can’t take my Braves fan cap off right now. I’m pissed. When you mess with Freddie Freeman, you mess with my emotions, and you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. That wrist injury better not be severe or I will pour out my unholy wrath. Scout, you might want to actually do this recap. I can’t.
Scouts: Losing must be really getting to the boys in blue. Both Bautista (who pimped the shit out of a solo home run while down 5 runs) and Pillar (who was mad Motte struck him out) started unnecessary drama and caused the benches to clear. Toronto gave up 6 in the first and was behind the rest of the way.
Nationals, 1 Pirates 6 – Prof: Gerrit Cole finally gets the run support he’s been searching for, as the Bucco hurler had a truly dominant performance against the sweet swingin’ Washington Nationals. Andrew McCutchen had a night as well, going 2-4 with 2 RBI and 2 stolen bases.
White Sox 8, Angels 12 – Scouts: Mike Trout just keeps hitting dingers. Albert Pujols just keeps knocking in ribbies.
Athletics 0, Mariners 4 – Scouts: Christian Bergman went 7.1 shutout innings and the A’s only managed two hits the entire game. Lockdown.
Brewers 3, Padres 1 – Scouts: Jett Bandy picks up the RBI single in the 9th to propel the Brew Crew to the win.
Orioles 4, Tigers 5 – Prof: C.B. Bucknor is at it again, folks. One of these days, ol’ boy is gonna do something so ridiculous that they have to fire him. But then again, I’ve been saying this for years and they still keep him around, so what do I know? Anyway, there was a called strike on Machado and Beautiful Brad’s hunch finally paid off as Tyler Collins hit two home runs to defeat Baltimore.
Scouts: Say it with me. C.B. Bucknor fucking sucks. What a joke. I’m not even mad we lost (Hey Detroit played a great game and deserved it), I’m mad that poor excuse for an umpire is still in uniform. Guess who we get behind the plate tonight?
Red Sox 5, Cardinals 4 F/13 – Prof: The Redbirds took the Red Sox into extras in the Lou last night. Looking at the box score, it appears that Boston trotted out every available arm not named Chris Sale. Rick Porcello pitched six innings and gave up four earned runs, but then suddenly you got performances from Joe Kelly, Heath Hembree, Craig Kimbrel, Matt Barnes, Robbie Ross Jr… I guess if you weren’t nailed down you were throwing for Boston last night.
Rays 7, Indians 4 – Prof: The excellent fielding prowess of Kevin Kiermaier, owner of the prettiest eyes in the American League, was in full force today as his excellent robbery of a Jason Kipnis almost-homer saved the day for Tampa Bay. Meanwhile, The Magical Land of Cleve is hurting a bit, with a few guys banged up and legitimate world beater ace Corey Kluber on the DL. And it shows.
Astros 3, Marlins 0 – Prof: Ho hum. Another day, another rad performance from Jose Altuve. The Littlest Second Baseman Who Could hit two triples, doubled twice, and drove in George Springer. The Feesh stink like…well….three day old Feesh.
Phillies 3, Rangers 9 – Prof: Another AL team from Texas put a whooping on an NL East squad. Andrew Cashner had a shutout going until the seventh inning and the Rangers had 17 hits in this quality whole-team performance. Wonderboy Joey Gallo was hit by a pitch but it wasn’t anything serious.
Reds 5, Cubs 7 – Scouts: The best thing about this game is what happened before it. Kyle Schwarber busted the Budweiser sign in batting practice.
Yankees 11, Royals 7 – Scouts: The Yankees scored 5 in the 4th and 4 in the 5th. This team is for real son.
Mets 4, Diamondbacks 5 F/11 – Prof: The Gritty Snakes swept the Metropolitans. It was the Mets’ seventh straight loss. Michael Conforto did his best to keep his team in the game, but then again, so did Jake Lamb and Paul Goldschmidt. I have been on the Jake Lamb train for a hot minute, now, and I think that much like DJ LeMahieu he’s not ever thought about as a really quality ballplayer solely because of where he plays. But then there’s the starter for New York, the beleaguered Mtt Hrvey, who was hyped to hell and back and might be able to rebound if he went to a smaller market. Per Twitter, Arizona had some hella cold blooded snake trolls:
That is cold. I love it.
Dodgers 6, Giants 1 – Prof: Hmmm. We had a brief misunderstanding in this game. There were accusations of sign stealing. Yasmani Grandal and Johnny Cueto kinda got into it. And Dave Roberts, skipper for the Dodgers, said this –
“Whether we were or we weren’t, obviously he was displeased by it and let us know. It’s a part of the game, it’s part of baseball.”
Huh. Well, that clears it up, doesn’t it? Anyway, Clayton Kershaw is out of this world and once again showed San Francisco who’s boss. This is a fun stat: Kershaw is 12-4 at AT&T Park. He has an ERA less than 1.50 there, as well. Get on my level.
Rockies, Twins – PPD