Good morning everyone! After a few crazy days at work, I finally get to rejoin the world! It’s crazy getting so wrapped up in work that you wind up completely disconnected from the world. I feel like I’ve been gone for a month. I have no idea what’s going on anymore! Are the Reds still good? What about the Rockies? Did the Mets completely fall off the face of the earth? Will the Red Sox ever stop attempting to assault Manny Machado? Is the death clock ticking on ESPN? What’s going on! Fill me in dear readers! Hit those comment buttons already damnit!
Phillies 3, Cubs 8 – Prof: This is a crazy world. Case in point:
Jon Lester – 1-1, 3.67 ERA. Jeremy Hellickson (L) – 4-1, 3.18 ERA.
If you just said “Lester vs Hellickson, who ya got?” you’d say Lester hands down. He has history. But this year, Hellickson has the better record. Although that didn’t matter today, as Lester and his Cubs cohorts smashed up the Phillies.
Rangers 7, Astros 8 – Scouts: This was a wild one with the Jetson’s dogs taking the lead with a grand slam in the 8th. It was Marwin Gonzalez’s second homer of the day. The worst loss for the Rangers on the night was starter Cole Hamels being a late scratch due to a oblique injury.
Mets 7, Braves 9 – Prof: What a world we live in, that supposed ace Matt Harvey gets shut down by old knuckleballer RA Dickey twice in a week. RA didn’t quite have the control over his signature pitch, but he didn’t really need it, either. Ender Inciarte did Ender Inciarte things and Freddie Freeman hit a nice home run to start the night off right.
A’s 1, Twins 9 – Prof: Happy, your boys did it again! Are you eating your ice cream?!?!? Six homers, including two by Brian Dozier, got the job done for Minnesota.
Brewers 1, Cardinals 2 – Scouts: Carlos Martinez was in control, throwing 7.1 innings while giving up just 1 run on 4 hits.
Angels 6, Mariners 4 – Scouts: Albert Pujlos decided he was tired of all the baseball nonsense and really wanted to go home. So he doubled in Mike Trout, stole third base, and then scored on an Andrelton Simmons ground out.
Giants 13, Dodgers 5 – Scouts: The Dodgers answered a 4 run Giants second inning, by scoring 6 of their own in the bottom of the frame. They went on to pick up 7 more as they blew away their neighbors to the north. Matt Moore gave up 9 runs over 3.1 innings. Egads!
Rockies 2, Padres 6 – Scouts: A 5-run 6th inning did in the Rockies on this night. Trevor Story is now batting .170/.271/.675. Sadface.
Blue Jays 5, Yankees 11 – Prof: Aaron Judge leapfrogged over Eric Thames for the Grand Masher last night, hitting his 12th homer of the season. Poor Mat Latos – the Freshmaker – was no match for the Yankee bats.
Diamondbacks 6, Nationals 3 – Prof: The Gritty Snakes – lead by the underrated Jake Lamb – beat up on Tanner Roark and Washington. Too early to tell, but maybe the D’backs have a good opportunity to do something in the NL West this year.
Orioles 2, Red Sox 5 – Prof: [takes off professional editorial cap] Chris Sale is an asshole. I know that you aren’t supposed to do this, but if someone rushed the mound and punched him in the mouth, I don’t think I’d be mad. [puts editorial cap back on] So Chris Sale threw really super inside at Manny Machado, just moments after Adam Jones got a rousing standing ovation from the Fenway Faithful at his first at-bat a day after being called nasty racial slurs. I just had to put in this quote from Machado, who is handling this probably the same way I would, to be honest:
“I lost my respect for that organization, Boston and how they’re handling that whole situation,” he said. “If they’re going to hit me, hit me. Go ahead. Get it over with. Don’t keep lingering it around and doing that. I’ve lost mad respect for that team and that organization.”
Indians 2, Tigers 5 – Scouts: V-Lander out dueled Klubes. Miggy go boom. Footage at 11.
Pirates 12, Reds 3 – Scouts: Starting pitcher Taylor Glasnow had an interesting game. After giving up 3 runs in the 1st, he shut down the Reds for the next 5 innings while picking up 3 RBI’s all by himself. As for the Reds, well I just can’t figure them out. Are they good? Are they bad? Are they middle of the road? Who knows.
White Sox 6, Royals 0 – Prof: Jose Quintana blanked Kansas City, only giving up four hits over eight innings. Seriously, the Royals are in deep trouble. Except maybe not tomorrow, because Chicago is going to start Big Mike Pelfrey.
Rays 3, Marlins 1 – Prof: The Battle of the Floridian Sea Creatures rages on. It was promenade city in Macondo Banana Massacre Field ™ (Copyright Old Gator), as Edinson Volquez gave up eight walks to Tampa. LoMo hit a home run to seal the deal.