Prof: My neighbors on both sides have been dueling Jerry Springer episodes two nights in a row. This evening, Neighbors Number Two took it out into the hallway. So I’m not too chatty, sorry.
Indians 11, Twins 4 – Scouts: Phil Hughes had a off day giving up 8 hits and 4 runs while lasting just 3.1 innings. Jose Ramirez and Edwin Encarnacion both his 2 run jacks as Cleveland’s offense busted out early and often.
Phillies 6, Mets 2 F/10 – Prof: The Phillies surged at just the right moment to take down the struggling Metropolitans, thanks to Jose Reyes’ error. It was just a sloppy game all the way around. I’m more interested in the outcome of tomorrow’s matchup between two RHPs who have ERAs in the 9s. Woof.
Nationals 3, Braves 1 – Prof: All good things come to an end, and the Braves finally lost at home, no thanks to Emily Bonerface and Chase D’oh-No. I mean, oops. That’s not their names but I’m not fixing it. They might as well be. Once again, this team ain’t nothing without Freddie Freeman, who went 2-2.
Brewers 7, Cubs 9 – Scouts: The Cubs break a 4 game losing steak and finally get the offense moving a little. Still starter Brett Anderson lasted just 3.2 innings giving up 6 runs on 8 hits. I’m not so sure how much Chicago won this as opposed to Milwaukee losing it more.
Rangers 2, Athletics 4 – Scouts: All runs here were scored in the 6th as the Athletics doubled down on the 2 spot Texas threw up. Adam Rosales smacked a two-run dinger that broke a 15 inning scoreless streak for the A’s.
White Sox 4, Yankees 1 – Prof: Garcias galore as Chicago stops New York’s eight game winning streak. Leury Garcia and Avisail Garcia both hit bombs off Luis Severino.
Red Sox 8, Blue Jays 7 – Prof: So close, Blue Jays. So darn close. You can’t help it that you ran into a buzzsaw named Mookie Betts (3-5, 1 HR, 2 RBI).
Angels 5, Astros 2 – Scouts: Albert Pujols can still hit, smacking a 3-run bomb that wast eh difference maker in this one. Pujols is now just 7 shy of 600 lifetime. I like nice round numbers.
Orioles 3, Reds 9 – Prof: There is something in the water in Cincinnati. Might wanna check out the Skyline chili or something. Also, Bronson Arroyo got the win – his first since 2014 (!!!?), and Adam Duvall got a grand slam.
Tigers 1, Rays 5 – Scouts: Today I learned that Miggy and I share a birthday. I also learn that Miggy is a few years younger than I. Damn I feel extra old. Unfortunately no one else wanted to celebrate the Mighty Miggy’s birthday as the Rays played party-poopers.
Giants 2, Royals 1 F/11 – Scouts: Someone had to win this one, and eventually in the 11th Joe Panik decided he was ready to head home by hitting the go-ahead RBI in the 11th.
Pirates 1, Cardinals 2 – Prof: Get used to seeing this. Not the Cardinals winning, but the Pirates losing. Starling Marte’s 80 game suspension pretty much forces the Buccos’ hand. I expect a lot of trades around the All Star break.
Marlins 5, Mariners 0 – Prof: The Fish were on their way to a combined no-hitter when it was broken up late in the ninth inning. Also, I really want Christian Yelich to sign with a team I like (sorry, Gator) because he makes everything fun.
Rockies 4, Dodgers 3 – Nolan Arenado picks up two more homers bringing his season total to 6. Trevor Story is batting .125.
Diamondbacks 11, Padres 2 – Prof: As Dave Chappelle once (sorta) said in what is probably one of the funniest comedy sketches to ever air on television, “What can I say about [the Padres] that hasn’t been said about Afghanistan? It looks bombed out and depleted.” Now, I am not as diabolical as Silky Johnson but I, too, am a card carrying Player Hater. So let’s read the Padres for a minute. The Padres are so bad (HOW BAD ARE THEY?) they are letting Shelby Miller shut them down. Shelby Miller, who has a 5+ ERA in the month of April. The Padres are so bad that they trotted out Christian Bethancourt AND Erick Aybar to pitch. Erick Aybar. The shortstop. Might I remind you that Bethancourt and Aybar are both so terrible that the Braves were like, “Bye, Felicia” to them both. And they signed Emily Bonerface, so you know they stink. Anyway, I’m out.