The .500 Rainbow Warriors, their suspect rotation and their Maginot Line boolpen return to Macondo Banana Massacre Field for their home opener on Tuesday night. They’ll be splattered across the strange attractor, back to which, mercifully, they didn’t have very far to fall from a one-game advantage after the Mutts sprang back from ineptitude to take the series clincher 5-2 last night at Big Banking Field. Due to better weather than this ownership deserves, the retractable roof for which residents of Macondo were shaken down so egregiously a few years back will be open.
In preparation for what is not expected to be a very large or enthusiastic opening night crowd, the Feesh front orifice factotems are planning to fill the seats of the upper deck, and substantial numbers of lower seats, with fan holograms. To help those intrepid few who want to be able to tell their grandchildren they were there for the opening game of Scrooge McLoria’s last season of ownership experience their seatmates as three-dimensional, the first 5000 ticket buyers will receive 3D glasses like these:
To ensure that all attendees having mass and extension can enjoy the experience to the fullest, the holographic fans will also be wearing 3D glasses so they’ll be indistinguishable from the…uh…real fans.
Among some of the special effects planned by the front orifice are realistic 3D foul liners which will appear to be streaking into the field boxes. Don’t worry, they won’t be real.
Today’s strange attractor: