Prof: Happy Friday, everyone! I recently saw the critically acclaimed movie “Get Out” and fam, if you haven’t seen it yet, you gotta. It was fantastic. I’m not really much of a horror movie person, but this was so well done. There wasn’t too much gore and guts until the very end, and even that wasn’t too much. I had to cover my eyes twice, and then only partially. Even knowing a few of the spoilers, I was still surprised and delighted by the plot and the ingenious, fiendishly sinister things that happened in this movie. Just wonderful. Catherine Keener was so… well, I can’t describe it or else I might spoil some stuff for you, but her performance was great. Everyone’s was. This was a really fantastic film. If you like movies that make you think and want to hunt for hidden clues and really turns tropes on its head, then “Get Out” is for you.
Scouts: Yesterday we lost a comedy legend. I struggle to really write much about him, because anything I type simply does not feel like it does him any justice at all. The man transcended being a legend. All I can really say is read what some others have written about him, and take some time to watch as many videos as you possibly can. It’s time WELL spent. RIP you bastard.
You know what else is for you? This column. Now, on with the scores:
Giants 3, Diamondbacks 9 – Jeff Samardzija got tagged for 6 runs as David Peralta and Paul Goldschmidt went back-to-back and Jake Lamb hit himself a 3 run dong.
Phillies 4, Reds 7 – Prof: Scout complained that I take all the good games and leave him with the Reds and the Athletics. Well, I’m going to take this Reds game and leave him a few good games and see what he does with them. Oh, by the way, the Reds won a game! And it’s on my favorite thing of all – a pitcher batting. The Reds have a really sad bench right now, and so for a pitch hitter they had to turn to a relief pitcher, Michael Lorenzen. Lorenzen stepped up, and stepped out, by hitting a solo homer that broke a tie and propelled Cincinnati to a win.
Angels 1, Athletics 5 – Prof: Here, I’m taking this A’s game, too. Bite me. Even though the A’s won handily, there’s really not much to say here. Mike Trout went 0-3 and had a blunder in the outfield, and Khris Davis helped lead Oakland to a win to split the series.
Cubs 6, Cardinals 4 – I dunno. Some teams that no one seems to care about much played a game. Whatever. Oh yea, Yadier Molina dropped a third strike which led to a Kyle Schwarber three-run dinger. Sleepville.
Braves 2, Mets 6 – You know who the Braves need? Ryan Howard. That’ll really put them over the top.
Royals 3, Twins 5 – Prof: Happy, break out the party poppers, pal, your Twins have won a series! I’m excited about the performance of Max Kepler, who reached base three times and knocked in an RBI as well with a timely double. Kepler is someone I’ve been interested in for a while, mostly because he’s a German national in the big leagues. I have a soft spot for Europeans who play our National Pastime.
Rockies 2, Brewers 1 – Prof: Keon Broxton is lucky. It might not seem like it, but he is very lucky to not have had his head split right open after taking a pitch to the head during his at-bat.
For Colorado, it only took a few days for Nolan Arenado’s homer machine to kick back on, but he finally got it in the ninth inning of this game.
Tigers 2, White Sox 11 – Prof: Hey, James Shields! You won a game in Chicago! That’s quite the accomplishment considering that you didn’t do much of that last season. Is this a sign of things to come under new manager Rick Renteria? Or was it a fluke because the Tigers weren’t using Verlander or Michael Fulmer? Only time will tell. Also, former Cub catcher Geovany Soto hit two home runs for his new team across town.
Padres 2, Dodgers 10 – Puig hit his second and third homers in the blowout as the Padres have now gotten walloped twice in this very young season.
Marlins 4, Nationals 3 F/10 – The Nats’ bullpen hasn’t looked so solid so far, giving up all 4 runs in the final three innings. They have more members with a 5.40 or higher ERA than below. Ouch.
Mariners 4, Astros 2 – Seattle gets their first win late with a 2-run single by Jarrod Dyson in the 9th.
Blue Jays 5, Rays 2 – Prof: Marcus Stroman pitched 6 1/2 quality innings, Jason Grilli gets a save even after a wild pitch, and Kendrys Morales hit a well timed grand slam to cause Toronto fans to say, “Edwin who?”.
Pirates, Red Sox – PPD