Wei-Yin Chen tossed a couple of his trademark chubby gophers that left the yard like North Korean missile tests, the Feesh stranded eight men on base and the team lost to the Astros, 2-1.
It looked so much like a typical 2016 regular season game that one must needs surmise the Rainbow Warriors are ready to start what we hope will be their final season under the bungled ownership of Scrooge McLoria, who’s going to miss April in Paris if he doesn’t hurry up and unload the team.
This is also the column which dares to ask: what happens to Poobah of Beisbol Operaciones Michael Hill when his rotation of threes and fours and his unaugmented 27th-ranked run producing lineup keeps handing deficits to his lockdown boolpen? Does Scrooge McLoria euthanize him as a going-away present to the Macondo market that detests him? This is also the column which dares to venture that Hill climbed over the corpse of the Meerkat two seasons ago after stabbing him in the back, and now, like Cromwell in A Man for All Seasons, is about to discover that by removing the filter between hisself and Scrooge McLoria, he engineered his own downfall too.
And what new irrelevance will Jar Jar Baseball impose on the team now that his idiotic no facial hair policy didn’t do much to counter a third place finish? Will he be replaced by Fat Freddi, whom Michael Hill – ever scheming – has moved into striking position at third base?
And what of the Chihuahua, his noisy, pestilential little lapdog? Will Scrooge abandon the little feller here in his flight to the land of escargot and Merlot Nouveau, surrounded by ravening pythons?
We’re ten days orf. On your marks….