The Feesh announced yesterday the signing of Brad Ziegler (which has a nice ring to it but for pure euphonia can’t hold a candlefeesh [yes, there are such things, see below] to “Archimedes Caminaro,” which sounds like the scientific name of some rare turtle like, you know, Macrochelys temminickii or Siebenrockiella crassicolis, or maybe some rare feesh like Latimeria menadoensis).
A candlefeesh, lit. Amazing? Yes, but practical. They can come in very handy if you get lost in the ocean at night. Just don’t go trying to untangle the mooring cable of a sea mine from your propeller like this.
Anyway, Ziegler is a sidearmer who gets something close to a 65% ground ball rate, something which, we are told, will be especially useful in the cavernous expanses of Macondo Banana Massacre Field. More amazing, Ziegler is the first orfseason signing of 2016-17 with an ERA well under 4.00, and this from a guy who has been playing in the Designatedhitterball League for most of his prior career. Last year he pitched to a 2.44 ERA which is right about his lifetime mien. Steady as she goes, he is.
No one is quite sure why the Feesh front orifice was suddenly stricken with a spasm of sanity. Maybe it was his signing price – the usual backloaded $16 million for two years, which is about the same annual money the Feesh have thrown at some of their other inexplicable pickups since October.