Word oozed into the news today that Scrooge McLoria, mishandler of the Feesh, would be willing to sell the team for somewhere around $1.7 billion, about two and a third times what Forbes figures the team and all of its assets are worth. Apparently the Grating Satan has even gone so far as to waste several potential buyers’ time in discussions that went nowhere, including a group for whom Mitt Romney is a principle owner. One could say that his sale discussions were conducted the same way as his offers to Melancon, Jansen and Chapman.
Let’s review Scrooge’s astute stewardship of the Feesh. He took over a team built mainly by Dave Dombrowski under John Henry’s ownership, added Pudge Rodriguez and won a world championship in 2003, promising a victory party in Bayfront Park – the same park where Chicago mayor Anton Cermak was shot dead by Giuseppe Zangara – that “there will be no dismantling!” He really did say that because I was standing in the crowd in front of the stage at the time and picked up his prevarications with my own antennae. No one will be surprised that he lied. Since then the Feesh haven’t sniffed a postseason. In fact, in the thirteen years since then the Feesh have finished above .500 exactly four times, chewing through ten different managers and four general managers in the process.
And of course, there was the horrific deal whereby the Macondo Supreme Council authorized a long-term four billion dollar expenditure on the construction of Scrooge McLoria’s thalidomide cuisinart, Macondo Banana Massacre Field, on the site of the old Orange Bowl in Leetle Havana despite overwhelming popular opposition:
I would think you could make one hell of a pot roast in that thing.
Now, this might all be just another skeet shoot on behalf of Scrooge, but it’s the first verifiable crack in the wall of the keep. Let’s keep our fingers crossed, even at the expense of a little gangrene setting in.