Scrooge McLoria Willing to Sell Feesh for more than Twice what they’re Worth! Fans Pray Someone is that Stupid!

Word oozed into the news today that Scrooge McLoria, mishandler of the Feesh, would be willing to sell the team for somewhere around $1.7 billion, about two and a third times what Forbes figures the team and all of its assets are worth. Apparently the Grating Satan has even gone so far as to waste several potential buyers’ time in discussions that went nowhere, including a group for whom Mitt Romney is a principle owner. One could say that his sale discussions were conducted  the same way as his offers to Melancon, Jansen and Chapman.

Let’s review Scrooge’s astute stewardship of the Feesh. He took over a team built mainly by Dave Dombrowski under John Henry’s ownership, added Pudge Rodriguez and won a world championship in 2003, promising a victory party in Bayfront Park – the same park where Chicago mayor Anton Cermak was shot dead by Giuseppe Zangara – that “there will be no dismantling!” He really did say that because I was standing in the crowd in front of the stage at the time and picked up his prevarications with my own antennae. No one will be surprised that he lied. Since then the Feesh haven’t sniffed a postseason. In fact, in the thirteen years since then the Feesh have finished above .500 exactly four times, chewing through ten different managers and four general managers in the process.

And of course, there was the horrific deal whereby the Macondo Supreme Council authorized a long-term four billion dollar expenditure on the construction of Scrooge McLoria’s thalidomide cuisinart, Macondo Banana Massacre Field, on the site of the old Orange Bowl in Leetle Havana despite overwhelming popular opposition:

Image result for images of jeffrey loria as charlie brown

I would think you could make one hell of a pot roast in that thing.

Now, this might all be just another skeet shoot on behalf of Scrooge, but it’s the first verifiable crack in the wall of the keep. Let’s keep our fingers crossed, even at the expense of a little gangrene setting in.



13 thoughts on “Scrooge McLoria Willing to Sell Feesh for more than Twice what they’re Worth! Fans Pray Someone is that Stupid!

    • Hey, we haven’t been hiding. Just wanted a space to talk baseball that wasn’t ugly, squeezed in by advertising and riddled with popups. Good to see you too and hope you’ll make yourself comfy here!


    • APBA, we Bay Area boyz gotta stick together (or, at least, fans of Bay Area teams – since I have no earthly idea where you actually hang your hat…)


  1. Gator, I worry you might lose some of your material if Scrooge ever sold the team. That wouldn’t be good for any of us that enjoy the rants.

    Ps, isn’t this about the time of year you head up to cincy?


    • Leaving Monday morning, oily. The Over the Rhine annual Christmas concert is Tuesday night, this time with the Cincinatti Pops Orchestra, at the ancient Taft theater on 5th. Back Wednesday morning. Weird chilli and goetta, here I come!


  2. Jeffrey ” pig fucker ” Loria, whom people told me that he only fucked a pig twice, gets to also sell the stadium that he doesn’t own. Even though I don’t live in Boston, I would gladly say bye if the Sox tried to make taxpayers foot the bill for a Sox new stadium. The pig fucking rectal heartworm gets to sell a stadium he doesn’t own, and will get almost 2 billion in furtherance of his hatred of all that is good. For the sole stated fucking goal of putting abominations in lieu of actual art.


    • Well, not exactly. He can sell the lease and management rights. That’s still worth big money, of course. I don’t think he can take Tommy, though .


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