Now is the time for Nicies around the world to ask Santa Claus to bring us rewards for being good litt
le fans all year.
So, if your team had endless financial resources and weren’t cheap-ass d-bags, who do you want under your tree/menorah/Festivus pole?
The Rules:
You can’t fire anyone — unless you want to go straight to the Naughty List.
You can only pick folks available as FA’s or you have to build a trade.
You are not getting Mike Trout for Papelbon and a bag of balls.
Everyone can’t get Theo and he doesn’t want to work for Loria & Co., so icksnay on the idiculousray.
Dream big. It’s Christmas. And a Trumpian one at that. Calvinball rules apply.
Fan Interference 
I just want 2016 to so right to fucking hell.
Alan Rickman
Arnold Palmer
David Bowie
Doris Roberts
Elie Wiesel
Florence Henderson
Gene Wilder
Gordie Howe
John Glenn
Muhammad Ali
Nancy Reagan
Pat Summitt
Patty Duke
Prince
Ron Glass
and now
Alan Thicke
Go fuck yourself 2016.
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I don’t get the Alan Thicke love. Why are people out of shape on that one? He was a pig.
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I don’t want 2016 to end because I don’t want January 2017 to come.
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As a Detroiter, thanks for remembering Mr. Hockey.
Music was hit really hard this year: Leon Russell, Greg Lake, Keith Emerson, Maurice White, Paul Kantner, Bernie Worrell, Glenn Frey, Leonard Cohen, George Martin & Merle Haggard.
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Pretty bad year for baseball, as well:
El Keed
Ralph Branca
Joe Garagiola
Milt Pappas
Monte Irvin
Dick McAuliffe
Luis Arroyo
As long as you mentioned Paul Kantner, Signe Anderson, the Jefferson Airplane’s first vocalist, died on the same day that he did.
It was a really meeserable year for literature, too:
Katherine Dunn
Sir Peter Shaffer (Equus)
Alvin Toffler
Edward Albee
Jim Harrison
W P Kinsella
Umberto Eco
Harper Lee
Leon Russell
E L Doctorow
C K Williams
Yep. Definitely a year for the dumpster.
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And now, we have to add Craig Sager to that list.
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Elie Wiesel. How many people even noted his passing?
The conscience of the Western World for two generations.
And John Glenn. Need I say more?
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I know. We’re running out of consciences. Jiminy Cricket got nailed by a house gecko thirty years ago and nobody noticed his passing either.
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Dream big? That’s easy…
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is for the MASN dispute to be resolved, and in such a way that the Washington Nationals start to receive annual revenue that is commensurate with the value of their game telecasts, so that they can start offering FA contracts with no deferred money.
kthxbai.
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Yea, those poor, broke Lerners and their 5.5 billion net worth and 6th highest payrolls….
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Yeah, but all their wealth is tied up in real estate; they’ve only got like, $40 in liquid assets…
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Same.
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Maybe they should have thought of that when they signed the deal in the first place. Instead of rushing into things so they could get their hands into the public coffers before anyone noticed. Now they suddenly want to change the terms of the arrangement? Tell it to Lando. Again, they already have the 6th highest salary in the league. If they are out of money maybe they should look internally instead of trying to take from another team.
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$40 is a lot of money for a bottle of beer.
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I want Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump to be having a nice walk in Moscow and be hit by a falling piano.
Failing that, I would like the Feesh to sign Edwin Encarnacion, Brad Ziegler and Ivan Nova, and to re-sign the beloved Frenchy.
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Make it an anvil and I’m in.
Two anvils.
preceded by a plutonium cocktail.
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You get more coverage with a piano. A Steinway grand, for my money. There are plenty of expendable old, out of tune ones around.
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Have to go with the polonium for old Vlad. A vastly unpleasant way to go; and one that he has happily administered to others.
But I suppose anything that gets him for sure is good enough.
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I would donate my FJ Cruiser for this God given task.
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Stex, yes, I meant polonium, thinking of that incident with the umbrella tip (?)
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At least one agent appears to have been gotten by spiked tea while in London.
When they are in Russia, they can just be “mugged’ to death by “hooligans.” Overseas he has to be a little more creative.
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Or your courageously patriotic Senator Rubio double dares him to prove that his really big hands and long rudder enable him to fly.
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By the way, if you’re still sober enough to remember this, I would also like a fur hat for the weenter that looks like the Orix Buffaloes stadium.
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Wouls you settle for a plate of chipped beef? Whadaya mean “nope”?
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Would
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I want Bartolo Colon to never grow old, and pitch forever, and stay in the NL so we can watch him bat.
I want Kevin Kiermaier to learn how to hit better.
I want Cutch to sign a lifetime contract with the Pirates.
I want here to be a magical transformation of all the moved-there-from-somewhere-else-and-still-fans-of-the-old-team fans in the Tampa/St Pete area into Rays fans.
I want the local government people to tell the owners “Go ahead and move. You’re not getting a penny from public funds.” every time one of them “needs” a new stadium.
I want Donny-boy to contract a case of the oozles.
Too much to ask for?
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I believe you will get your wish and that Bartolo Colon will never grow old. I also…Hey! Willie! You pissed youself…..
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San Diego stood up to the Chargers, so that’s a start at least.
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Yeah, that was the final trigger for that thought, after the Cobb county fiasco, and Arlington!
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With you on Cutch. Unless he wants to come to Houston instead.
A classy guy. I’d take a chance on the rebound.
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Jose Quintana to the Astros for Francis Martes, Evan Gattis and Kyle Tucker.
Not that insane deal that they actually proposed.
OR
Chris Archer to the Astros for David Paulino, Evan Gattis and Derek Fisher.
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And, of course, Edward Encarnacion playing 1B in Minute Maid.
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I saw him first!
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I wish for the Braves to make it to the postseason next year.
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I’ll add a wish for Fan-Interference to carry us into a happy and healthy 2017 – with occasional opportunities to discuss baseball and other topics.
Merry Christmas, all.
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I just renewed the domain name for another year, so as long as people are willing to write, we’ll have a site!
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FYI, I give my writers the same advice
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Amazing how – once people get rich – they forget what it was like to be poor.
Assuming they ever were; in our ever-more-stratified society.
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HISTORIOPHILIAC: glad to have found you on this wonderful site. Thanks for the great writing.
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