I finally got around to watching Suicide Squad this weekend, and I did so for you dear readers. I suffered for the betterment of this website! I knew going in the movie would be terrible, and my fears were not helped when I walked into what was the absolute smallest theater I’ve ever seen. This is a brand new movie theater, 24 movie rooms with IMAX and all that crap, and this movie was being played inside a large closet. I think you’d be lucky to fit 20 people in this particular theater. I mean it was so small it was shocking. There were 4 rows of seats. Anyways on to my critique. It’s hard to know where to start when they did just so much wrong. It was clear after you finished the movie what scenes they added in re-shoots and what was in the first filming. The re-shoots didn’t seem to actually add anything important, rather it felt like they shot the entire movie then realized they didn’t have a Harley Quinn fight scene. Let’s cram one in! Killer Croc doesn’t have a good 1 liner. Cram one in! There was a terrible “Let’s get to know the villains” bar scene that was a gigantic waste of time. We aren’t really supposed to be emphasizing with these guys, they are bad guys! Oh, and by the way, they go out of their way to remind you every 30 fucking seconds they are bad guys by verbally saying “We are bad guys.” We get it already. The Joker scenes were absolutely terrible and unnecessary. I know he was pissed at the company for cutting all his shit, but I really wish they just cut him completely. Joker is really hard to get right and when you get it wrong, it gets really fucking wrong. Harley Quinn was okay, but to me Margot Robbie was trying too hard to emulate Arleen Sorkin’s Harley Quinn, and it’ll never happen because Arleen fucking nailed the roll and no one should ever be allowed to try again. There also was a terrible sad person crying in the rain slow motion shot with sad music playing in the background scene that was completely out of place considering 30 seconds later that character basically forgot why they were sad and moved on. The Amanda Waller character tried and failed to be ruthless and just seemed mean and a little crazy. There were two scenes involving the Joker that were COMPLETELY useless and only served as some sort of Art director’s wet dream. “Wouldn’t it look pretty if” shouldn’t be the basis for the reasoning of a shot in an action film. The entire Acme Chemical scene was completely meaningless and only was there for the artsy shot at the end. Same with the Joker laying on the floor of his apartment with 100 knives scene.
I really, really wanted to hate watch this movie like I did Batman v Superman is v Bad, but in the end I left just…sad that so many people at DC Comics CONTINUE to miss the mark with these movies. It really feels like these people have never once in their lives opened a comic or watched one of the absolutely amazing animated movies/shows. Marvel realized a long time ago they have 78 years of amazing stories already written. They have characters that are well defined and refined. They know what stories are good and what are bad. They know what we like and how we like it. They take things that are almost perfect and they perfect them, and give them to us on the big screen. DC keeps trying to reinvent the wheel and then gets pissed when it ends up a square. DC has a TON of really great material to work with. They simply refuse, instead trying to copy what Marvel is doing. “Oh, Marvel has Guardians of the Galaxy, this rag-tag group of anti-heros, that band together, fight some super-mega evil, and in the end there’s a super sad death scene. Oh yea and a kick-ass soundtrack. Let’s make that!” Except instead of staying true to their own characters and established story lines, they spent the entire movie trying to make a cheap knockoff of Guardians, as the end product showed. I’m pretty sure DC is hard at work trying to come up with a zany anti-hero movie that includes a ton of dick jokes. I’m sure that’ll be an instant success.
Mets 10, Braves 3 – Prof: The Braves and the Mets played each other at Shea in 2001 after the terrorist attacks. Players and coaches from this season’s squads held a 13 minute ceremony before the game to remember this important moment in baseball (and American) history. This is also the last time that the Mets will play at Turner Field, so an extra special game yesterday. Yoenis Cespedes hit a grand slam.
Phillies 2, Nationals 3 – Prof: Bryce Harper drew a walk in the seventh, but smart play and fast feet turned it into a run when Anthony Rendon hit a double.
Cubs 9, Astros 5 – Prof: This game was not nearly as close as it looked. I’m sure Stex can give us some additional insight, but when I watched the game (not all of it, as I had to start working on this blog post for the morning), it looked like the main problem was not that the Cubs had hot bats, but that the ‘Stros had weak fielding. Well, that and Mike Fiers was pitching to the Jolly Green Giant! Did any of y’all see the softball lobs he was out there throwing? They would only be strikes if the strike zone were the size of a barn! When Houston finally took him out of the game, it was pretty much over with then. More Cubs runs, then suddenly Jake Arrieta forgot how to pitch for a second, and Houston started coming back. Ultimately, it was the failure of Fiers to get guys out and the truly rotten fielding that lost Houston the game.
Mariners 3, Athletics 2 – Both teams scored twice in the second, then the pitching took over until Oakland’s closer gave up three consecutive hits to lose the game.
Indians 7, Twins 1 – Prof: The Magical Land of Cleve got hot early and never looked back. Carlos Santana hit a three run homer in the second, and two more Indian runs in the third was really all they needed to top the Twins.
Brewers 2, Cardinals 1 – Prof: The Cardinals are out here looking rough these days, and the Brewers look to end the season on a positive note. Ryan Braun hit a home run, and relief pitcher Tyler Thornburg got the win. Who was it who said the Brewers look like they might be decent next year? Was it you, Telly? In any case, I agree with you.
Rangers 2, Angels 3 – Prof: Simba! My boy Andrelton Simmons hit two home runs in this win over Texas.
Giants 5, Diamondbacks 3 – Zack Greinke gets the loss again as Arizona picked up 11 hits but could only plate 3 runs.
Rockies 3, Padres 2 F/10 – Mark Reynolds hit a go ahead home run in the 10th to secure the hard fought victory.
Red Sox 11, Blue Jays 8 – Prof: A high scoring affair in which the Sox capitalized on every hit they had and won despite two errors. David Ortiz hit a three run homer.
Orioles 3, Tigers 1 – Prof: Michael Bourn hit a two run homer and Jonathan Schoop hit a homer run of his own to give Baltimore all the runs they needed in Chris Tillman’s first game back from the DL.
Dodgers 0, Marlins 3 – Jose Urena went 8.2 innings and gave up just 4 hits, 0 walks and 4 strikeouts.
Rays 4, Yankees 2 – Tampa got home runs from Corey Dickerson, Logan Forsythe, and Brad Miller.
Reds 8, Pirates 0 – Prof: The Bucs are falling down the rabbit hole. The Reds, while still bad, have shown signs of improvement lately. Brandon Phillips went 3-4 with two doubles. Also, fun fact – Ryan Vogelsong got the loss for Pittsburgh. Someone I know who plays Pokemon Go said they thought his name sounded like “Ryan Bulbasaur” when the announcer said it too fast. So now it’s stuck and that’s what I call him all the time. Ryan Bulbasaur.
Royals 2, White Sox 0 – Prof: Chris Sale went eight innings, gave up eight hits and two earned runs. For Kansas City to win, all they needed was Kendrys Morales’ solo homer in the second inning, but they got an insurance run in the sixth to best a division rival.