The Vulture Report: August 22nd, 2016

I may need to change the title of this column to the Movie Report if this keeps going on. I finally got an opportunity to watch Star Trek: Beyond. It’s safe to say this won’t inspire anywhere near the quantity of hashtag wars that Captain America: Civil War did.

It was quite a fun romp with a gaggle of nods to the entire spectrum of Star Trek from the original ’66 series to the bright but not well liked step child of Star Trek: Enterprise. There’s plenty to like (and critique if you’re of that persuasion) for trekkies and casual movie-goers alike. As long as you set your expectations correctly this is a pretty nice Trek flick and you could do worse than see it on the big screen.

You don’t need me to conduct an exhaustive review of the movie itself (that’s what Google is for) but this movie fulfills it’s primary mission: to entertain you and along the way throw in a few morsels to chew on for thought regarding life changing events, both on a personal level and the evolution of societies as they outgrow the old and come in with the new. Not that any philosophical bits get extensive screen time, they are thrown at you in small bites in between the action sequences, the space battles and the humor for which Star Trek is well known to indulge in.

You know who else could use a good laugh? Good old Brad Ziegler.

August 16th, Brad Ziegler of the Boston Red Sox. Cadet Ziegler graduated to Carrion Eater for his second vulture of the season. Once upon a time Brad had dreams of being a Closer. Oakland gave him some chances but it wasn’t until his last two seasons playing for Arizona that he managed to get a lock on the role. Then he got traded this year to Boston which already had a Master Condor on the mound in the form of Craig Kimbrel.

On the bright side he escaped that cesspool of a situation in Phoenix where Tony LaRussa is looking more and more like a deluded Adolf Hitler in his bunker in Berlin circa April of 1945. Now, I’m not suggesting LaRussa is anywhere near the kind of evil person Adolf Hitler was, far, far from it. But his disassociation from reality is very comparable in repeatedly denying that the Shelby Miller trade was bad from the start and ended up even worse. All he needs is the mustache and start griping: “I won’t retreat from the Volga!”.

But I digress.

Brad was brought in as a fireman to try to repair a situation that was rapidly getting out of hand in the bottom of the 7th. With the Red Sox leading 3-0, Matt Barnes managed to get Manny Machado out, but that was it. Mark Trumbo walked (yes you read that right, he of the 136/35 K/BB ratio, then again he DOES have an MLB leading 37 homeruns). Steve Pearce singled and that was it for Matt Barnes. Fernando Abad came in and basically pooped all over the place like a three week old puppy by walking Chris Davis and surrendering a single to Matt Wieters (I can’t remember, is he a bust or not?). This brought in two runs so in comes Ziegler.

Hardy struck out swinging for the second out. But before Brad could start breathing easy, pinch hitter Hyun Soo Kim singled to load the bases. Adam Jones wrung out a walk to tie the game. Jonathan Schoop ended the frame swinging at strike three.

Brad was bailed out by another Brad. In this case Brad Brach replacing Vance Worley (holy cow has the Vanimal traveled around MLB). He immediately surrendered a single to David Ortiz and a home run to Mookie Betts putting Ziegler in line for the win. The Thin Red Line strikes again.

August 19th, Koda Glover of the Washington Nationals. I suspect only someguyinva would know who the heck was Koda Glover and who the hell does he pitch for before writing up this piece. While I was enjoying my wedding anniversary watching Star Trek: Beyond in a movie theater, Koda was starring in his own adventure when Washington was leading Atlanta in the 8th inning 6 to 3.

Like Brad, he was brought in to stop the fire. This was a combination of Matt Belisle allowing a double to the spanking brand new Dansby Swanson (he of the infamous Miller trade) while Danny Espinosa allowed Jace Peterson to reach base with a fielding error. Ender Inciarte (yet another piece of that trade) would hit a ground ball that resulted in a force out but not before Swanson scored run #4. Then came in pinch hitter Jeff Francoeur.

Ah yes the Dangerous Frenchy certainly merited a change of pitcher. From here on out it all went down hill. Hilariously, Frenchy would hit the ball on the ground and the defense fumbled yet again, this time in the form of an Anthony Rendon throwing error. I thought Ryan Zimmerman was the one afflicted with the yips? With friends like these…

Then Freddie Freeman did what Freddie Freeman usually does; pound the crap out of the ball. He hit a double that brought in two more runs and tied the game. Fortunately for Koda, Matt Kemp did what Matt Kemp usually does; popup to second base. After making sure his second baseman actually held on to the ball, Glover intentionally walked Markakis to get to Tyler Flowers, which worked in this case with a fly ball to right field.

While the Nats would get the last laugh scoring the winning run in the top of the 9th, Koda likely didn’t have any good feelings regarding the defense behind him. Not that this excuses him in any way, shape or form. Strikeouts may be fascist, but you only need the catcher to hold on the ball. There’s a reason the most successful relief arms have very high strike out rates.

9 thoughts on “The Vulture Report: August 22nd, 2016

  1. All he needs is the mustache and start griping: “I won’t retreat from the Volga!”. I swear to you I read that as Viagra and it was even funnier because I would believe it. Believe me, I am posilutely absotive that Larussa is the real Zodiac Killer!

    #1- He’s old enough.

    #2- He was a lawyer, who knows how the law works and who could sanitize a crime scene.

    #3- He believes that he is much more brilliant than he really is ( although if he’s not getting caught yet, maybe he is) and he loves to taunt authority if he feels you don’t recognize his brilliance.

    #4- I never liked him ( this one makes me feel I am right…..because….sometimes you just fucking know someone is a murderous bastard, because feels) and it just feels good.

    #5- He was in the fucking town on the day and date of every fucking murder and he has no alibi. ( Disclaimer: I did zero research, zero fucks were given about accuracy or even fairness beyond that I hate his fucking face, but yeah, I stand by my assumption) and I have it on good authority that he bathes in the blood of the homeless but I am hoping for a second source.

    #6- I also heard that Canseco used to have to service his wife….so that’s a another great reason.

    #7- Look at his fucking face, he’s WHY all St. Louis fans suck. He’s the fucking epitome of all that was wrong!

    #8- This one is inexcusable…. he benched the fucking WIZARD!

    #9- Am I wrong?


        1. Ha! I rewatched Fast Times at Ridgemont High this weekend, and the sex scenes were depressingly realistic (I had forgotten/not gotten). I texted my sister that if she wanted to get her kids to wait to have sex, she should have them watch it (especially the girl). As it turns out, my nephew saw the text and was traumatized. Small victories!


        2. Ah, when the Phoebe Cates pool scene had every 80’s male teenager titillating with excitement. And the abortion clinic with Stacy was probably every 80’s teenage girl’s nightmare.


  2. Awesome job as always, FC 🙂 That Hitler jab made me laugh out loud, literally.

    As I often say, ATL made some stupid moves, but none of them were with Arizona. Anyone who can work the kind of magic Coppy did on Stewart… welllllll…

    Dansby and Ender forever!

    Liked by 1 person

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