Frenchy Watch, Day X: Feesh Factotem Hill Confesses to Discussion with Barves

The Feesh were orf today, which was just as well because school reopened and Macondo’s roads, transit system and centers of alleged education were all once more awash with masses of squirming larvae. Just a reminder, as if we needed one, that children are horrible.

However, Michael Hill, suzerain of Scrooge McLoria’s brainstem trust, confessed in a wrenching interview that, yes, indeed, the Rainbow Warriors are engaged with the Barves front orifice in talks to make Jeff “Frenchy” Francouer a Feesh before the August 31 deadline for being able to play in the postseason. Frenchy, who hits lefthanders more occasionally than he hits righthanders, will team up in a pontoon with Chris Johnson at first base in what stockbrokers like to call a “float.”

My guess, of course, is that with or without him, the team will be playing not much more on October 3rd than their favorite music videos.

At any rate, as Feesh fans breathlessly await what passes as a “blockbuster” (an archaic term originally meant to describe a two ton iron jacketed gravity bomb popularized by the Royal and US Air Forces during WWII)  here in Macondo, you can count on Fan Interference dot Calm to report the facts to you as quickly as we can make them up. Stay tuned.

12 thoughts on “Frenchy Watch, Day X: Feesh Factotem Hill Confesses to Discussion with Barves

        1. He’s a brand name. Scrooge McLoria prefers generics.

          Additionally, the Feesh have next to nothing to trade for him in the minors. It makes no sense to trade either of the regular outfielders – Yelich, Ozuna or the Iron Giant – for a potential troublemaker with three years of steadily declining numbers.


      1. When you should start to worry ( or maybe rejoice ) is when he adds a hundred million dollars to the roster, because that means he’s ready to sell.

        Believe me, the hundred million won’t help, it’s just gonna be a final fuck you to the new owners and their fanboys who mortgaged a whole county on a vanity project But it will ramp up the cost of buying him out.

        Ten years from now there will be NO Florida baseball teams but you can bet that you’re ONLY taxing the tourist! No harm to you people right?


        1. I should add that in no way am I gloating, I just was stating how I perceive things. I truly feel bad for Florida because that is where spring training started, but the Rays can’t compete because of stadium issues and the fucking team that doesn’t even try does not even draw worse in the league.

          That’s like coming in twenty in the Special Olympics, yeah it’s cool, but, fucking really?


        2. Ackcherley, the good news for baseball tease fans is that the Feesh are locked into a thirty year deal on Macondo Banana Massacre Field, which means they have another 26 years to endure here – unless they or MLB want to euthanize them and pay orf the contract, but I doubt it they’re up for gagging on billions to do it.

          No, Slappy, we’re gonna have baseball lost in the twilit zone between the show and AAA here for prolly longer than I’ll still be alive. I bequeath to you, my fellow Macondoans, the crushing tax burden of paying orf the usurious development and construction bonds on this purple elephant. Just promise not to get any of that paperwork stuck in my cryogenic unit, OK?


  1. Doesn’t it seem like going after Logan Morrison for the stretch limp makes perfect sense–if you think about it?


  2. Where’d you read that? The Feesh web site says they picked up Oswaldo Arcia orf waivers from the Razed. Problem is that Arcia, aside from being next to useless at the plate, in a lefthanded bat and they want Frenchy to use against lefties. Ergo I suspect that he’s still in play.


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