Gomez Demurs, Hancocks with Rangers; Desperate Feesh Weave Tangled Web for Frenchy As Deadline for Delusional Postseason Looms

He showed the Feesh a different feenger.

Sluggard Carlos Gomez, having been measured and released by the Astros (undersized), almost immediately signed a minor league deal with the first place Rangers in preference to slotting directly into a big league uniform with Macondo. This will give you some idea of how badly he wanted to hang on to his goatee (where he comes from, goatees are primary sources of milk and meat, plus they keep the lawns cropped).

Scrooge McLoria’s factotems, of course, have been desperately seeking succor following a wave of Syrian SU-24 attacks that left the Iron Giant, Justin Bour (whose injury, we understand, has now jumped to his right foot, having used up both sides of his left upper and lower ankle and the front of his left calf, necessitating another week or so on the DL, at least; perhaps the Feesh feesitions ought to check that injury again, because it sure sounds more like Pazuzu than a sprain), Wei-Yin Chen, Adam Conley and A J Ramos on the extended DL.   A furious Scrooge McLoria defiantly drew a line in the sand between the injured ballplayers and his checkbook.

Ergo, the Feesh are now rumored – and I’m not just making this up; these are real rumors – to have begun a series of dangerous liasons with the Barves as they turn their attention to Jeff “Frenchy” Francoeur:

the beloved if dependably mediocre outfielder/first baseman and all-around nice guy for the Atlanta Barves. General Toady Mike Hill has noted that the Rainbow Warriors can probably acquire the major league minimum making Frenchy for a very minor leaguer. Hill hopes that the Vicomte de Francouer, whose slash line reads 252/294/388 with seven homers and 33 RBI, will replace the power numbers that went south with the Iron Giant’s groin sprain and join Jeff Mathis in suffusing the clubhouse with VETERAN PRESENCE. Combined with Barry Bonds and Chris Johnson, Frenchy will also help the Rainbow Warriors lead their division in nice guys.



6 thoughts on “Gomez Demurs, Hancocks with Rangers; Desperate Feesh Weave Tangled Web for Frenchy As Deadline for Delusional Postseason Looms

  1. If they REALLY want to deal with the Barves they should trade for Markakis, he at least has high OBP and some power. It’s not a replacement for the Giant but it’s far better than Frenchy. And when Ichiro decides to call it quits sometime at the end of the season you have your Old OF Replacement Guy ready because frankly I’m doubting the ability of the rest of the Marlins outfield to remain healthy for any period of time. I’m sure Markakis could get regular playing time. (Tongue firmly planted in cheek, do not take this idea seriously).


  2. I wish success to Gomez, despite the fact that he now resides with THE ENEMY.
    Carlos comported himself like a professional his whole time at Houston. Something just seems to have gone seriously haywire in his ability to play the game at the MLB level. And it’s not just physical, it’s mental. Maybe it is the highly emotional way he plays. But he even had a rapid deterioration in his base running decisions and fielding.

    Hope he finds his way back. The guy loves the game, and I kinda like him.


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