Maddon Leads Cubs into Macondo Banana Massacre Field Tonight; Auto Racing Crash Enthusiasts Welcome

The debate over assisted suicide will prolly become moot here in sun-bleached Macondo this weekend as Joe Maddon, he of the spaghetti dinners and naff synthetic Volkswagen van, leads the rampaging Chicago Cubs into Macondo Banana Massacre Field for a little fun and batting practice. The Feesh boolpen were all out hiring stunt doubles and so were not available for comment, but one would assume that even Scrooge McLoria would have fed his pitching staph the same kind of hearty meal last night that a condemned prisoner in Texas might be offered.

Yesterday, the Feesh continued their oscilliatory pattern of win a few, lose a few by blanking the Barves 3-0 behind a dominant adam Conley, who went eight innings of four-hit ball with one stroll in the park and four whiffies. Justin Bour contributed a two-run no-doubter orf Gant in the second, and Conley’s sterling performance allowed the rest of the batting ordure to take the rest of the evening orf and husband their puissance  for tonight’s Odysssean contest with the Bruins. Speaking of Bour, while the Iron Giant continues trying to reassemble himself….

it should be noted that Bour, who now has twelve dingers and thirty six ribbies platooning with the comparatively febrile Chris Johnson, has subsisted in the shadows of the Iron Giant. He has hit some mammoth shots of his own and is on a pace to slug between 25-30 home runs and drive in a century, making him the Johnny Blanchard of the Feesh (how’s that for a bit of baseball archaeology, eh, Borg fans?).

At 38-34, the Feesh find themselves a game behind the Mutts (“Wax my tail? Hot Dog, you were just in my shadow – and that’s where you’ll always be” – Gus Grissom to Gordo Cooper in The Right Stuff) in third place in the NL East, once again shaking their cleats to rid themselves of the strange attractor’s gossamer reality waves.

Of course, as the strange attractor looks up and notices the bus with the Cubs logo pulling into the traffic circle out fronta Macondo Banana Massacre Field, if you listen closely you can hear it smacking its pedipalps.

 

 

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