It’d be nice to call this segment “All Ichiro, All the Time” – that’s pretty much what the coverage will be like the next few days as The Weezard approaches Pete Rose’s meerstone of two thou…two thou…damn, ran out of fingers again, so I’ll just paste: 4,256 hits. Last night the ageless wonder went 3 for 4 to pull within one hit of Charlie’s record, with two walks and three runs scored, and made a dazzling catch in the outfield just for seasoning. In addition, Ichiro was impersonated hilariously by some guy in the stands (I’ll repeat the image here) –
who ackcherly looks like him (perhaps ten years younger) even without the Feesh livery. The photo doesn’t really do the resemblance justice. This guy has all of the Weezard’s moves down pat. Most of Ichiro’s at-bats were telecast in split screen format last night and the cumulative effect of his impersonator’s near-simultaneous moves was just sidesplitting; the Feesh announcers were cracking up.
Unfortunately, after Googling the known universe I can’t find this guy’s name. Anyone who stumbles across it (smack! Wake up, Ren!), please post it here.
Rose, however, with his characteristic lack of graciousness, reminds us that Ichiro’s Japanese hits don’t count and that some day “they’ll probably add his hits from high school” to his total. Way to score Amy Vanderbilt points, Pete!
Meanwhile the Feesh finally found a way to find Wei-Yin Chen a win. On nights when hen pitches well, and there have been quite a few of those, the Feesh boolpen collapses and earns him a ND. On nights when he pitches not so well, the Feesh wimp wandsmen usually can’t dig him out. Last night, when Chen allowed four – yes, four – solo home runs, giving him fifteen gophers for the season (even Bill McMurray can’t follow that), lo and behold, the Feesh (with the clueless Iron Giant aestivating in the dugout) behaved like they were shelling the outskirts of Fallujah, unleashing 19 hits including three doubles, a bases-clearing triple by Adeiny Hechavarra, and a two run dinger by Martin Prado. (Of course that still means that the #LOLPadres hit three more than the Feesh did).
Tonight, the Ichiro media circus resumes though it isn’t certain if Jar Jar Baseball will start Ichiro again until tomorrow. The Iron Giant, who has been painful to watch as he flails away like Homer’s blinded cyclops, will most likely resume patrolling right field. Ozuna and Yelich have both been too hot to sit as the Rainbow Warriors desperately wiggle away from the thickening gossamer reality waves of the strange attractor. Perhaps first base?
Also, tonight is, thank Buddha, the final primary of this interminable political season, the Washington DC vote. Bernie, who never saw a bureaucracy to which he couldn’t add supernumerary layers, has called for statehood for the District. When this irrelevant exercise in busker’s democracy is over and Bernie has gotten skwashed like a bug, he will have to go back to twerking the Democratic Party and maybe then we can get on with the serious bidness of ridding ourselves of Donald Trump.