May HBPiD Report — Not Funny At All Edition

Our second month has closed with no delicious HBPiD’s to report. This may be a barren season for pitches to the dick, and after the dearth of dingus shots last year, MLB may need to take action to address the situation. Perhaps we need to shrink the strike zone further (that down to the knees BS gives us too much room for movement) or use the Dodger’s laser markers to highlight crotch targets for pitchers. Something needs to be done. The current sporting-cultural climate in America begs for a good junk shot.  In the meantime, we are all waiting to exhale.

Unfortunately, we have some sad groin-related news of the non-HBPiD variety to include in the monthly report.* Yesterday, catcher Caleb Joseph of the Orioles took a foul tip to the nether regions. This unfortunate incident should not be confused with the always entertaining HBPiD. It’s amusement factor is nil and the results were tragic.

That’s right, the poor man had to have surgery on the twigs and berries. Not funny. At all. Thoughts and prayers, Mrs. Joseph.

Remember, kids: HBPiD is a batter’s stat. It is never a good thing for catchers to accrue offensive occurrences while on defense. Keep your gloves down and bear in mind the wifey’s sound advice hashtag:

 

*hat tip to badhair and anyone besides Kevin S for bringing this to our attention

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13 thoughts on “May HBPiD Report — Not Funny At All Edition

  1. I remember a few years back, Adrian Beltre took a direct hit into his uncupped junk. The media took great gusto in reporting the injury as a shattered testicle. I swear the guy was playing less than a week later. No cup.

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      • Well, I can’t say that I’ve conquered my black-moodness, but , I’ve decided that I enjoy being on here, and interacting with all of you, so you gotta put up with me.

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        • We can do that. Our pleasure.

          Btw, the American Cancer Society website notes that happiness and positivity are not proven to cure cancer. That reminder has been a great relief to me frequently. Go on with your bad moodiness. It’s not a carcinogen.

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  2. It’s kind of like those funny videos where a guy tries to do a skateboard trick and falls on his face. If he pops up laughing it’s hilarious. If the ambulance is called it stops being funny. Unless you are a terrible person and have no love for your fellow man. I believe they call that a psychopath. I know he plays for my team but even if he didn’t I’d still say get well soon hope you don’t suffer any long term effects. I saw the play live and I immeduatly said out loud to no one in particular “Damn he’s going to end up in the hospital.” Serious injury to that area can be life threatening. I’m glad the team doctor made the right call in sending him to the hospital after the game.

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    • It seems like in half of those videos, the kid doing the taping laughs even if his friend gets totally wrecked. Then they play it in slow motion and you hear them laughing again in a slowed down distorted voice.

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  3. http://www.masnsports.com/school-of-roch/2016/06/looking-back-and-ahead-30.html

    Showalter is tired of talking about Caleb Joseph’s testicular injury and the surgical procedure and a timetable for the catcher’s return. He’s trying to provide information without making the entire room cringe or infringing on Joseph’s privacy. He’d much rather move on from it.

    “Still hurting, OK?” Showalter said. “I think a lot of us can identify with that.”

    Showalter said Joseph will return to the clubhouse when he can walk without being in pain. He isn’t supposed to be on his feet yet.

    “I can’t tell you when he’d actually be here,” Showalter said. “I’m hoping it’s during this homestand.”

    As for Joseph resuming his catching duties, Showalter said, “I don’t know how to answer that. I don’t know. I don’t have anything to base it on. Do you?

    “Talking to trainers, it depends. I just know the timeframe I’m getting, a minimum of, but they’re all saying there’s a lot of unknown here. And how do you gauge is he ready to play? Go out on rehab for that? What’s the barometer? What are the things you now have to do in order to play? Probably pain.

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