Cubs 6-Phillies 2. Grandpa hits #100!!! Old people are the bestest.
None of you can do this, I would bet money on it.
Yankees 4-Rays 1. Old people carry the day again! A-rod and Beltran are already receiving AARP bulletins, yet they managed to do this:
Cardinals 6-Nationals 2. Piscotty, 25 years old, hit a grand slam. The youngsters are alright too.
Born to be wild! I want to adopt these children.
Blue Jays 7-Red Sox 5. And some of us just defy science.
Orioles 6-Indians 4. Trumbo with the AL Leading 15th homer. I guess what I’m really trying to say is…
Mets 6-Dodgers 5. Granderson! Old folks were representing last night!
I want to adopt her too! Be my grandma!
Braves 4-Marlins 2. Really? My team can’t figure out how to beat the Marlins, but the Barves can? Markakis got the go-ahead runs. He is older than 30. A really stupid generation once said, “Never trust anyone over 30.” Actually, they were right about themselves. Total sell-outs to their ideals. My generation–our ideal is slacking and not really giving a damn. We never sold out.
Hamels gave up a solo home run to Starling Marte in the second and a three-run home run to Jung Ho Kang in a five-run fifth inning. Andrew McCutchen and Gregory Polanco also homered for the Pirates.
Babies, all of them!
Brewers 9-Reds 5. Joey Votto hit HR #199. 32? He’s old!
Royals 7-White Sox 5. Youngster Eric Hosmer saves the day.
Rockies 5-Giants 2. Chatwood is very dominant.
Tigers 4-A’s 1. Top prospect Fulmer flusters Athletics.
I just asked Sassy Pants. Wanna go skydiving? “YES!!!!” Okay. We’re going skydiving. I am terrified of heights, but I will do it.
Angels 7-Astros 2. Pujols is geriatric and yet he still managed to do this, hit his 570th HR:
Twins 7-Mariners 2. Pat Dean with his first MLB win yesterday. I went after pitcher wins pretty hard the other day, but I know that this probably meant a lot to Dean. I still respect tradition. Well done, young one.
Fan Interference 
In last night’s Cards/Nats game, one team mustered only four hits and committed two errors, while the other team had eight hits and played flawless defense. One team ended the game with only one of its final 21 batters reaching base, while the other managed to put men on base in eight of the nine innings and made absolute dead center perfect contact with the baseball during a few at-bats, only to have those balls turn into outs or even double plays.
Of course, it was the Cardinals who managed to score six runs on just those four hits (and four walks), while the Nats suffered some bad luck during RISP situations, and so the victory went to the Redbirds. Scherzer had been showing an alarming tendency to give up home runs this year, and the grand slam to Piscotty in the third was a doozy; Scherzer retired the last 14 guys he faced after that, but it was too late for the good guys.
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They had an interesting stat on the Ray’s telecast last night. Jacoby Elsbury is hitting .567 against Chris Archer. That’s insanely good
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I need to put a hex on that trader.
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