When news breaks, Fan-Interference is there to fix it!
Good afternoon, here are the rumors behind the news. Democrat-come-lately Bernie Sanders campaign manager Leon Trotsky, in a letter from beyond the grave (if not from beyond the hilarious) to Democratic National Committee Wicked Witch of the South Debbie Wasserman Schultz today demanded not only that Schultz step down because that’s what Bernie wants, but also that the party remove long time Democratic party members Connecticut Governor Molloy and Massachusetts Rep. Barney Frank from important party positions because they don’t support Bernie’s cockamamie positions, and to nullify Hillary Clinton’s three and a half million popular vote advantage for her inevitable nomination for Presidential candidate, claiming that those who voted for her “demonstrated deep seated personal biases” against Stuntator Sanders that “go well beyond mere ideological, mathematical or logical aversions to his third-grade grasp of economic realities, foreign policy and global trade issues.” Trotsky claimed that Hillary’s rigged one voter, one vote majority “threatened to sandbag Sanders’ opportunistic carpetbagging insurgency within a party he has never belonged to but whose future he claims to be concerned about, and might block his financially suicidal domestic proposals, which would probably bankrupt the United States and reduce it to an economic has-been akin to Greece or Argentina in the unlikely event that Congress was as incapable of doing simple math as Bernie seems to be, from being included in the party’s 2016 platform” and might preclude his army of angry white adolescents from entering the party until they ackcherley enter the workforce, taste its realities and grow up someday.
In other news, Adam Conley also struggled against the Barves yesterday, going 4-1/3 while confusing the ballgame for carnival soak-the-clown while hitting three batters, walking one and surrendering eight hits and two earned runs. Jar Jar Baseball yanked Conley in the fifth, apparently in an attempt to avoid a lawsuit. The Feesh wimp wandsmen managed a measeley two runs of their own against the formidable Barves staff, and the team sank back towards the rotating beak of the strange attractor – suspended in fourth place like a lump of gefilte feesh in slime – at 25-23, with about as much chance of sniffing a postseason birth at this point as Bernie Sanders has of being asked to be Hillary’s running mate.