46 thoughts on “So, What Did I Miss? Slacker Edition. (5/27/16)”

  1. I suppose if last night’s Cards/Nats game had been played in October, rather than May, there’d have been all manner of tension, intrigue, and drama attached to it, and a 2-1 game probably would’ve taken 3 hours and 20 minutes to play, rather than the crisp 2:30 or so that it took.

    I mean, Dusty let Joe Ross pitch the 7th in a 1-1 game, when his pitch count was already at 94 pitches, and even though he gave up two singles to start the inning, he left him out there to work his way out of his own damn jam, and he did. Ross finished with 7 IP and 110 pitches thrown, and 110 seems to be the new 100 around here. Dusty don’t manage by the book, yo, he goes by his gut.

    All three runs scored on solo shots – Aledmys Diaz for the Cards, Bryce Harper (remember him?) and Danny Espinosa for the Nats. Danny’s just keeping short stop warm for Trea Turner, as a .603 OPS just isn’t getting it done, alleged outstanding defense and epic spring training beards notwithstanding.

    Harper’s HR was something to behold; the third deck at Nationals Park has a waist high plexiglass “railing” rather than the more traditional vertical bar style (the better to see you with, my dear), and his home run caromed off that.

    The other bit of intrigue in this series is that Matt Carpenter’s missing the first two games due to paternity leave, leading to some scalding hot sports takes, like this:

    Ballplayers, man; they should only make the sexy time with their wives in February, just before they depart for spring training, so that the babies are born in November, after the World Series. No sex during the season, because distraction, and no sex before February, because in-season birth. Don’t they realize they owe that much to us, the fans???

    Enjoy your holiday weekend, everyone.

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    2. I’ve never seen the p-word so much on Twitter. Paternity leave is not for delicate ears, I tell ya. So many people spelled it out for emphasis that I thought for a moment it was a spelling bee moment gone wrong.

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    3. No sex during the season, because distraction, and no sex before February, because in-season birth. Don’t they realize they owe that much to us, the fans???

      Unless it’s sex with the mistress, the local friend with benefits, the groupies or another teammate’s wife. amirite?

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      1. Some friends and I went to dinner once after one of the couples had a baby. It came out in the conversation that one of the guys got up in the night with his wife every time. The husband who just had the baby announced that he never got up; his wife did. There was kind of an awkward silence afterward because no one wanted to say “you’re a jackass” but that’s what everyone was thinking.

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        1. Yeah, with both of my kids, I was the one who got up to retrieve the hungry child from her crib, bring her to my wife for feeding, then change the kid and get her back to bed while my wife went back to sleep.

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        6. Huh, second guy is a complete jackass, but first couple, not the brightest, although well meaning. It doesn’t make sense to get up every time she gets up. Go back to bed, alternate with me so we both aren’t utterly exhausted? Even if she is breast feeding, pump. I was pumping milk in 2012 most of the time I was chatting with y’all writing comments. Nice image, huh? I created a pumping bra from a sports bra so I was hands free. I needed to do something while I was extracting milk from myself like a cow. Baseball blogging it was!

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        7. I was pumping milk in 2012 most of the time I was chatting with y’all writing comments. Nice image, huh?

          (raises coffee mug, stops, puts it down, throws content into the sink).

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  3. The Baltimore Orioles set a three game record against Houston. 52 strikeouts in three games. It was absolutely disgusting. 24 hits for 7 runs and 3 losses.

    The following video is basically a shot for shot remake of the past three nights. O’s swinging at breaking shit over and over again. Throw it down the middle but have it break in the dirt and the O’s flail. Look at Schoop swinging at a pitch that lands in the fucking opposing batters box.
    http://m.mlb.com/video/v742001483/balhou-mccullers-strikes-out-10-over-five-innings/?game_pk=447571

    Here is Wednesday’s game.
    http://m.mlb.com/video/v738819983/balhou-mchugh-fans-10-holds-orioles-to-three-runs/?game_pk=447556

    Here is Tuesday
    http://m.mlb.com/video/v736656483/balhou-astros-bullpen-fans-16-ties-club-record/?game_pk=447541

    Oh yea music. This is kind of appropriate don’t you think?

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      1. According to the scoreboard, a record number of strikeouts for one pitching staff in a three game series. Not gloating so much, just amazed.

        I have a funny story from last night. We went early with another couple to watch BP and have dogs before the game. In the bottom of the first the wives wanted alcohol. I said, “Can we wait until after the Astros bat?” The answer was “No.” So my friend and I are walking down the concourse and we hear “Boom! Roar!” Springer had just led off with a home run.

        So we got the drinks and went back to our seas. I sat down and innocently said “Anything happen while we were gone?” Both wives were embarrassed. I even got all of the people sitting around us riled up at my wife for sending us out during the Springer AB. It was fun.

        Even when you are happily married, a little leverage against the spouse can be a good thing.

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        2. I was fortunate in my choice of spouses (almost chose the wrong one many years ago). In exchange for her agreeing not to replace me, I occasionally indulge her.

          But I had total strangers ragging her for doing that during an Astros as-bat. Not only was it fun, but she’ll never do that one again.

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  4. Good end to the Jays/Borg series. CC pitched slightly better than Happ but Didi’s error combined with Edwin’s 2 RBI single and the the total lack of offense by the Yankees led to CC taking the loss and Happ gets the W. Both Betances and Chapman hit triple digits on the radar gun but the Jays managed 3 hits and an insurance run off of Chapman in the 9th, and Osuna Matata did what he’s been doing for over a year now… quietly and efficiently being one of the best and most underrated closers in the game. No worries!

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        2. A Becky is a white girl with straight hair who fits the idealized beauty standard.

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        5. Same principle. In high school, y’all were all into that and some of us looked more like:

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