Feesh Cross Everglades, Dodge Pythons, Duck Monitor Lizards, Invade Tropicana Dump: Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

After their bloody skirmish at Macondo Banana Massacre Field on Tuesday wherein they lost to the Razed 4-3 after Tom Koehler lost interest in throwing baseballs through the strike zone, and sank perilously close to the circular beak of the strange attractor, the Rainbow Warriors pursued their quarry across the Everglades, oft-accosted by but fortunately for the most part dodging the assorted giant serpents you may have heard have pretty much taken over the swamps lately – Scrooge McLoria, as is his want, occasionally threw from the bus one of their Billy the Marlin actors who was due for a raise to distract them…

and then, once safely over on the west coast of Florida, ran the gauntlet of feral monitor lizards who have taken over the swath of territory from Naples to Tarpon Springs; here’s a beered-up Trump supporter who is about to rrrrrrrrreally piss orf a typical example of someone’s ex-pet released into the wild about ten years ago….

…all of which begs the question of whether, perhaps, the attenuated attendance at the Tropicana Dump is really attributable to its ramshackle ugliness (I’ve been reading a lot of Borges lately while tuning up to write a script for a tango-inflected presentation of Jose Hernandez’ classic poem of 19th century Argentina, El Gaucho Martin Fierro,  along with a wonderful expat Grammy-winning tango composer from Buenos Aires – more on this crazy-wunnerful proyecto later – but due to the Borgesian influence, I have come to view the sheer soporific loathsome grotesquerie of the Tumulus as not merely the failure of some particular architect or architeckcheral firm, but of architecture itself) or to these enormous, man-eating varanids  picking orf Razed fans trying to approach the numinous epicenter of the Trap from the south, east and north.

Mosasaurs being closely related to monitor lizards, of course, it is only a matter of time before these things return to the water and start picking orf fans trying to approach from the west by boat, too:

 

…but our indomitable Rainbow Warriors finally chased their quarry back to their hideous concrete Morlock dome in the slums of Leningrad and inflicted a return stroke, 4-3, behind the valiant wandsmanship of Cole Gillespie and Marcell the Damned, setting up today’s flubber match starring no less a coruscating eminence than El Keed himself. This will conclude the 2016 Citrus Canker Series a bit early in the season, which is kind of a shame. I would really like to see the Razed moved to the NL East where they’d have to play real baseball, and move the Barves to the AL East where whatever it is they’re playing would be indistinguishable from designatedhitterball anyway. Then, the Feesh and the Razed could develop a real real-baseball rivalry between two small market teams with strangulated payroll.

Trivitattita: the Iron Giant is sidelined with a rib cage pull that may yet put him on the DL. Christian Yelich remains sidelined with a lower back spasm, forcing Jar Jar Baseball to put up an outfield of Gillespie, Ichiro and Marcell the Damned. Ichiro went 0-5 last night which kinda stalled his recent tear, or maybe his little porta-tank just ran out of oxygen.

 

 

 

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