The Midnight Snack – I Watched It So You Don’t Have To

First things first, happy Monday. I was feeling bad about myself and life in general, so I colored my hair. I was going for a color that I hadn’t ever done before, but my hair is so dark that it didn’t lighten up and turned out looking like fresh maple syrup instead of strawberry blonde. So there’s that. Then I decided to visit our friends at Cut4 to see what type of goofy stuff I might have missed today when I saw a trailer for the upcoming Mark-Paul Gosselaar vehicle, “Pitch”.

 

We’ve talked about “Pitch” several times already here at FI, so of course I have to watch this trailer. But we all know it’s going to be a hot mess, so why not do this MST-style? Which, of course, is the best way to watch ANYTHING, am I right, Lefty?

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I’d much rather watch an episode of “Designing Women” because I am the genetic mutation of Charlene Frazier and Suzanne Sugarbaker.

If you, too, want to follow along, clicky this linky.

First of all, I feel bad for the pitcher already. She has to play for the Padres? Oh, man. I know Petco can be a pitcher’s park traditionally, but according to this trailer, Ginny has a screwball. I don’t know off the top of my head, but does anyone around here (looking at you Paper and COPO) know the stats of non-traditional pitchers at Petco? Guys like Dickey, for instance? Submariners? Y’all, I just don’t know.

Anyway. Let’s continue.

She tanks her first time out. From what I’m gathering from this trailer, the Padres called her up directly from AA ball? That’s the kind of shenanigans that the Diamondbacks do! I call bull on this from the jump; a screwball pitcher, and a woman besides, isn’t going to make the leap from AA to MLB without doing some time at AAA. No way. That is a recipe for disaster, I don’t care what type of PR move you think it would be. No way is the pitcher ready for big league hitters, especially with all of that added pressure on her. The Faux Padres aren’t doing Ginny any favors here.

Scruffy McHippieton, the washed up scrub that Ginny has been called up to replace, gives me a “Chris Perez right around the time his dog got busted for pot” vibes. He tells her she has cooties. Then the other guys in the clubhouse get offended when Scruffy says they can’t win with the girl, and it’s on like Donkey Kong, fighting Royce v. Paps style.

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Ah, precious memories of team building.

Ginny has a super strict dad. I know he is tough because he wants his girl to succeed in baseball, but damn, dude. I can see that they will milk this prickly relationship for a lot of drama.

Ginny also has at least one defender on the team, an African-American player whose position I cannot discern from the trailer. He’s seen talking to Zack Morris! I mean, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Ginny’s catcher. Zack is rocking some serious beardage here. He isn’t going for the Buster Posey look here; more the Braves-era B-Mac look.

In theory, this show should be right up my alley. Baseball? Check. A serious look at the game and not just a bunch of goofy crap? Check. Light on any romantic tension? Check. Pitching? DING DING DING. As Kevin would say, this should be Prof-bait. But this trailer leaves me cold. Where’s the humanity? I can’t feel for any of the players. You should watch a trailer and it should make you interested in what’s happening, who the people are, why you should continue to watch. I just want to know why Kevin Arnold’s dad from “The Wonder Years” is managing the Padres and why the team called a pitcher up from double-A in the first place.

Did you watch the trailer? What do you think? Fox has greenlit the pilot already so we will probably see it on network sooner rather than later.

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22 thoughts on “The Midnight Snack – I Watched It So You Don’t Have To

  1. At the end of the season (cliffhanger), all the hard-earned respect she has accumulated will be threatened when it is revealed that she made the jump from AA because her college sorority was affiliated with AJ Preller’s frat. Probably Jon Daniels spills the beans when he drinks too much at the All-Star doings trying to impress the star ____fielder he’s trying to woo to the Rangers when he becomes an FA at the end of the season…

    Ahem, what? Nothing.

    /looks innocent

    Like

  2. That trailer….jeez.

    I’m not going to be able to keep myself from watching this. It’s going to be like someone happened by a train wreck and thought “what this needs is a tire fire”.

    How can you not stare in wide-eyed horror at such a monument to awful?

    Soak it all in. Let the awful wash over you like a light summer rain.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Before we pre-judge this film, let’s remember that Mr. Go ackcherley turned out to be a lot of fun:


    “You no help me this time I say fuck you Jobu. I do it myself.”

    I grant you that Pitch may not turn out to be Heifer Durham but I think it’ll still be fun in an adolescent sort of way. Granted, having to play for the Padres would add some transparently cheap sentiment disguised as pathos but, I mean, really – show me one, even one, grown-up joke in There’s Something about Mary, but we laughed our nates orf, didn’t we?

    Come on, admit it….

    Liked by 1 person

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