So, What Did I Miss? Please Recap Yo’selves (5/9/16)

I need to sleep this morning. Please recap yourselves.

I sleep in late, another day, it’s a Monday, it’s so mundane

My team, the Rays, swept the Halos, 3-1. Above .500 for the first time. We’re coming for you, Boston. Finally, everything is clicking. And don’t forget, we have Alex Cobb and Brad Boxberger returning. This team will get better. I am very pleased. Edit: I hope they didn’t leave their wallets in El Segundo.

Boston sweeps the Yankees, 4-0. Thanks for nothing, Empire. Edit: I was literally half sleeping when I wrote that, rofl. Ah, wishful thinking. Apparently, you don’t need drugs to be high. Just no sleep. The Boston did win, 5-1, but the Yankees took the first two games. Thank you guys for pointing that out and thank you, Empire. So blogging at 0330 is not wise…

Crimes against fashion and humanity committed. For some reason, the pink was especially ugly against the Yankees white and pinstripes. It didn’t look as bad with gray. And seriously, baseball, can we find another way to raise awareness for breast cancer, a fantastic cause, that doesn’t cause damage to our retinas? Enough with that ugly shade of pink. Why did breast cancer get stuck pink?

“Pink is the quintessential female color,” says Margaret Welch, director of the Color Association of the United States. “The profile on pink is playful, life-affirming. We have studies as to its calming effect, its quieting effect, its lessening of stress. [Pastel pink] is a shade known to be health-giving; that’s why we have expressions like ‘in the pink.’ You can’t say a bad thing about it.” Pink is, in other words, everything cancer notably is not.

That is jarring.

Reinforcements also arrive for the New York Yankees. Aroldis Chapmas is eligible to return today.

The Cubs destroy the universe with a 4 game sweep of an actual good team, the Nationals, 4-3 in 13 innings. They disarmed the Harper.

“Wow, he’s a really good walker.” I cracked up laughing… very cute. He does have an excellent BB rate but I doubt any Cubs fan was thinking that. I am guessing Cubs fan thoughts ran more along the lines of: “My team won’t pitch to Harper.” “I have to piss, so much beer.” “Wow, we are so awesome this year.” “More beer.”  “Oh, wow, s/he’s is really cute.” “Beer.” Oh, that’s just my inner monologue? Never mind.

This is hilarious. As your Arbiter of Humor, I leave you with a laugh. Mondays suck. Laughter makes it easier. I am totally shallow. All my friends are completely hot, even my Skype friends. I screen them that way.

At least that’s what the guy peeing on me told me… rofl.

Yes, I used the word “slutty.” The right of social inclusion. Kind of how I can call my mother a crazy bitch because she is, but if you were to call her that, we would have had a few words. You can’t say that. Why we can’t say the ‘n’ word, but a brother and a sister can.

So, I have missed a lot… fill me in.


56 thoughts on “So, What Did I Miss? Please Recap Yo’selves (5/9/16)

  1. Why do we need to “Raise Awareness” of breast cancer? Most people are already aware! Wouldn’t the money be better spent on finding a freaking cure?? I’m so damned tired of this whole raise awareness crap. Do something substantive for a change!
    BTW, the Beaneaters only won 3 of 4 from the Borg.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Whereas pretty much everyone is “aware” that there is such a thing as breast cancer, far too few are “aware” of when it becomes more important to perform self-exams (or how to do it), go for mammograms, spot other symptoms, or whether to be tested for the so-called “breast cancer gene” PALB2, BRCA1 or 2, especially if anyone on either side of their family trees has ever been diagnosed with breast cancer. There are nearly a quarter of a million new cases of the disease diagnosed in the US alone each year. Obviously, there are still broad areas of education about the disease which are blanks to most people.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Komen, despite their occasional political gaffes, has raised a lot of money for research, though, and sponsored a very wide range of more detailed educational programs. It all works together. These are nits to pick.


  2. At the risk of being accused of “Well, actuallying” you, Yanks-Sox was 5-1 not 4-0 and New York won the first two in the series, but maybe there’s a joke in there that I’m just missing or something. 😉


  3. Someone once wrote, “Hell is the impossibility of reason”; someone else (I think it was Baseball Prospectus) once wrote, “OBP is life”. The Nats took that second aphorism to heart just a little too much yesterday, playing the game like the winner was decided based on which team had more baserunners rather than which team scored more runs, and it cost them.

    Harper, the really good walker, had 7 PAs yesterday and reached base 7 times, six by walks (three intentional) and once by HBP. Unfortunately the Nats couldn’t figure out a way to make the Cubs pay for their charity, stranding Harper on base six of those seven times, and leaving a total of twenty-one men on base over thirteen innings. Arrieta wasn’t sharp, and there were multiple chances for the Nats to put the game away early, middle, and late, but they didn’t get it done. The Cubs were forced to use pitchers to pinch hit for other pitchers from the 9th onward, and still they win when Baez walks them off in the 13th.

    Ryan Zimmerman, hitting behind Harper, was 0-5 with RISP yesterday (the Nats on the whole were 1-19), including a couple of failures with two outs and the bases loaded. Dusty likes to set his lineup so that it’s L-R-L-R-L-R-L-R throughout, to minimize the effectiveness of the LOOGYs and ROOGYs of the world, but I think it’s high time for him to seriously consider putting Murphy behind Harper, late inning matchups be damned, at least unless and until Zimmerman proves he can be a threat. Harper had 19 PAs this weekend in Chicago, and he went 1-4 with 13 BBs, an HBP, and a sac fly, and he only scored 3 runs. That can’t be allowed to continue.


    • I’m not a big believer in the “don’t let (player) beat you” philosophy, but when (player) is Bryce Harper and the guy batting behind him is Ryan Zimmerman….I’m far more receptive to the idea. Maybe if/when Dusty reads all the articles explaining how Zimmerman now holds the all-time record for stranding 14 runners on base in that game, he’ll switch things up and put a real hitter behind Royce. Then again, as someone who has suffered through DustyBall in the past, I’m doubtful.

      Arrieta was maybe the least Arrieta-ish I’ve seen him since 2014. The movement on the pitches was as good as ever, he just couldn’t locate anything with any consistency. Thankfully, the combination of Cahill, Warren, Grimm, and Wood were able to put together 8 scoreless innings. Many words have been typed about the Cubs’ depth in terms of position players, but the depth of the bullpen is worth talking about too.

      That’s 7 in a row against the Pirates in Pittsburgh and the Nationals at home. Hard to hate that. Of course, now the Cubs will get swept by the 13-19 Padres, because baseball.


    • By the way, it wasn’t like they completely avoided Harper. Arrieta went right at him in the 1st, but shitty umpires are shitty umpires.


      • Oh, come now, Lefty; you can’t have it both ways.

        You yourself said Arrieta couldn’t locate anything with any consistency, so even if I accept your premise that he went at Harper in the 1st, you can’t fault the umpire for Harper walking there.


        • Arrieta was way off his game, no doubt. But I can absolutely fault the umpire for not calling strikes when strikes are thrown, and I shall. Arrieta being wild doesn’t excuse the ump for his failings.

          Robot Umpires Now.

          Upon further review, maybe his problem wasn’t limited to Arrieta and Harper. He didn’t seem to have any idea what was happening when any lefty was batting…

          One could easily argue that up to a dozen of those little green boxes should have been called strikes. Arrieta clearly wasn’t great yesterday, but I suspect shitty umpiring and poor receiving from Federowicz played a bigger part than I initially realized.


  4. The Astros are rising to the level of mediocrity, managing a split over the weekend with a Mariners team that is playing good ball. After winning a series against the Twins, we might get all crazy about coming back; but let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? A nice clean game Sunday, the brightest spots probably being McHugh getting back in form as a pitcher and Tyler White emerging from his coma at 1B. They are still patching holes (especially in the bullpen). And it’s too late to run away with the AL West (they would have to play .600 ball, and I don’t think this team is capable of that) but there is still time to rise into contention.

    And I have to say that playing Fantasy baseball has made me much more sympathetic to the plights of General Managers everywhere. We wonder why they ever even sign all these jerks and loudmouths and head cases and sociopaths, etc.
    Well, I have to tell you that in general, if Big Papi was on fire in front of me I would be disinclined to urinate on him. But as a DH, he is anchoring my Fantasy team offense right now. So i’m his biggest fan. Sweet, huh?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What happened? Well, I walked out of church service for the second time in my life. I’m still mad that the minister put me in that position when I went with my mother for the occasion. Argh.

    Also, Verlander went 7, striking out 9 and giving up only 3 hits. We were up going into the 8th 2-0. The BP proceeded to give up 7 runs in 1 inning…and we lost despite V’s nice showing. This is why we can’t have nice wins. What a crappy mother’s day.


  6. I tried to warn you those Yankee uniforms were a violation of the Geneva convention. It’s like they were red pinstriped and someone’s teenage son decided to do laundry for the first time and put bleach in. The pink undershirts didn’t help either.

    Also I’m not going to be the least bit sad when Ortiz finally retires. Fuck that guy…

    Liked by 1 person

Join in on the conversation!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s