The Midnight Snack – Wednesday

Are you guys feeling out of sorts this week? I am. Many of my friends are, too. Things are just weird. Yesterday in the Snack, we talked about strange things afoot at the Circle K. We have some more. I’m going to bring out my inner Fox Mulder (even though I’m a redheaded, intelligent woman, I am totally Fox Mulder) and explore…Baseball’s X-Files.

At the beginning of the season, Mike Trout was slumping pretty hard and Royce Harpler was setting off bombs left and right. Now the script is flipped, with Trout going HAM and Harper cooler than cool ICE COLD (although continuing to make Baseball Fun Again). Is there a reason why two of the best, most insanely talented players in the game today can’t be great at the same time? I have a theory, and it’s this:

bryces bad hair
Aliens, bro.

If Mike Trout and Bryce Harper were both Peak Awesome at the exact same time, it would tear a hole in the Space-Time Continuum. Gravity would warp. And perhaps aliens would take them back to their respective home planets. Heck, Harper’s hair is already pretty alien, and Trout is a meteorologist, which is actually a secret cover for him paying serious attention to the sky….and why is that? ALIENS.

If it’s not aliens, it’s an alternate universe that we’re living in. And why do I believe this? Because of this outrageous stat, brought to us by Elias:

What the heck is this? A world in which the Cubs, centuries-long losers, are keeping company with some of the greatest baseball teams OF ALL TIME? Of all time. Definitely an alternate universe.

Is there anything else weird that we need to know about? Like humanoid lizards in the bullpen, or poltergeists causing errors in the outfield? I’ll be in the basement, lurking.

12 thoughts on “The Midnight Snack – Wednesday

  1. Royce Harpler will be okay, however, I now fear for Aviary Tortilla from the Red Sox is up to six home runs. I am also afeared for Dusty Skylancer who is now marrying Kate Gosselin and Detroit don’t need the distraction.


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