Feesh Come from Behind, or, How We Lost our Tails

I hesitate to call him “the immortal Ichiro” ’cause he ain’t dead yet, but the Feesh’s designated netsuke came orf the bench last night in the sixth inning, facing a 4-3 deficit after Marcell the Damned’s two run shot had pulled the Rainbow Warriors within one, and stroked a bases-loaded single, his 2947th hit, to drive in a pair and put them up by 1, and J T Realmutant plated another with a sac fly. A couple of innings later Christian Yelich blasted an Iron Giant-esque shot orf the mezzanine billboard in right center to fixate the final score at 7-4. All these heroics took place on a night of thunderstorms and hesitant funnel clouds that never touched down, which, combined with Macondo’s usual fan apathy, left the stadium looking empty as an post-Armageddon setpiece from a Roger Corman movie. So it goes.

Justin Nicolino pitched well enough, considering how little support he got through six from his teammates. It looked uneasily like the Feesh’s last couple of homestands during which they went 2-7, playing with a nondimensionality that would have embarrassed Niels Bohr. But not last night. David Phelps and A J Ramos came out of the boolpen and squelched the side in order in both the 8th and 9th, with Phelps fanning all three he faced. Their struggle against the strange attractor’s gossamer reality waves leaves them at 13-12, still snug in 4th place while they wait for reality to catch up with the Feelies. The Warriors are heading into El Keed’s return home against the Snakes this evening right here at Macondo Banana Massacre field as the heavens re-open for an encore and we are once more ringed around with sturm und drang.

Here’s the state of the strange attractor tonight, trying to restore its grip on the Feesh:







17 thoughts on “Feesh Come from Behind, or, How We Lost our Tails

  1. Just a point of clarification. How can Ichiro be immortal if he’s dead? It seems like right now would be the best time to designate him immortal; while you have no evidence to the contrary. 🙂


    1. Name me a few folks normatively referred to as “immortal” who aren’t dead yet. Charlie Parker? Deputy Lambrakis? Joe DiMaggio? Um, no. Let’s see, then….


      1. im·mor·tal
        living forever; never dying or decaying.
        “our mortal bodies are inhabited by immortal souls”
        synonyms: undying, deathless, eternal, everlasting, never-ending, endless, lasting, enduring, ceaseless; More
        an immortal being, especially a god of ancient Greece or Rome.
        synonyms: god, goddess, deity, divine being, supreme being, divinity
        “Greek temples of the immortals”

        Can I help it if our education system is failing us? 🙂


      2. Joe Petrucci, Yo Yo Ma, a Ted Cruz meme of him hitting Heidelberg Cruz with a right cross and an MMA banned elbow slam to an already weakened opponent, his daughters running in fear from his embrace as they know that his jaw is distended at will to consume Campbell’s chunky cannibal soup that only the fucking zodiac killer can produce?

        I’m not gonna get sued for libelous statements or slander…..but as you can’t prove a negative, I am not, not saying that Ted Cruz loves to stomp kittens in his bare feet while he masturbates to child abuse videos, all the while bathing in stem cells, but I’m not, not saying that he is doing this while strangling welfare mom’s while running a zyclon b mobile van for her kids.

        I will however go on record putting it out there that Cruz is the evil little fuck stick that will die old an alone as it will be his Gods will and that makes me happy. You Sir, influenced your whole family members to spend a full fucking two days on their fucking knees to decide if you should end the fucking world by running for president?

        Eat Fuck and die you evil bastard and now you’re gonna be a colossal failure, I am hoping that the reasonable Texans won’t let a piece of Shit like this ever happen again. Then again…Texas


  2. Went to the Feesh/Gigantes tilt a couple of weeks ago (annual birthday gift from my MUCH better half), and Ichiro got an at-bat. I turned to my wife and said, “Ya know, I didn’t think I would care, but I am really happy I can say I got to see Ichiro play.”
    My wife turned to me and replied – wait for it – “What’s an Ichiro?”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “What’s an Ichiro?”

      “Ichi” means number one, or someone/thing in the highest order, btw. So yep, (minus the “ro”), Ichiro is truly number one in my book. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

        1. You, you are a breath of fresh air and naivety that can’t be dismissed and I just want to pay your college degree ( believe me, I am hoping to provide for my wife’s needs) but if she shouldn’t make it, ( when I smothered her with a pillow) you and I are cool right? Will I get the tax breaks?


    2. At that point we love them of all the good stuff; and realize that no one can conform to 100% of our wishes.

      If she was on her game, my wife would say “I’m glad you got to” (while secretly wondering what an Ichiro ws).


    3. You guys are all outing yourselves, which is cool , but remember, we may be getting the best HBT commenters now, your social media accounts may take the hit in the near future. I’m not going to be Debbie Downer, but consider the cost of having your name known! You’re all good writers who are loyal and informative, but I worry what they are going to do when they disagree. Their first place to post may be Trump supporters and your not as enamored as them.

      BE careful my family, I understand why you are going to do it, however, until you are being paid….be wary.


    1. They usually get on a roll a couple of times a season. This one is impressive. Makes me wonder how many of them knew Gordon’s suspension was coming and how it played in the clubhouse.


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