So, What Did I Miss? (4/28/16)

I am only starting with this one because I was there. So spur of the moment, I decided to go to last night’s Orioles – Rays game. I was going to chase the sun. We should do a bracketology over which team has the most powerful team figuratively–my Rays ftw–nothing tops the power and energy of the sun, not a red sock, not a little tiger, not an athletic man, or a Diamondback snake. The power of the sun compares to a thermonuclear explosion. I guess it wouldn’t be much of a bracket. Never mind. The Orioles won 3-1.

It was Tillman vs. Matt Moore. Moore has been pitching well this season so it promised to be a good game. It didn’t disappoint. Moore pitched very well and except for one terrible, no bueno pitch to a Monsieur Rickard who immediately deposited it into the left field seats, he was on point. It was one those: the second the ball cracked off the bat, I knew. The sweet sound. He got all of it. Censored. 3-0 Orioles. Tillman pitched great too, striking out 9 Rays and befuddling the Rays all night.

I had the best time. I spoiled myself a little with some great seats. Tropicana Field allows for great seats at a relatively inexpensive cost. One kind older usher took a liking to me. He wanted to know, “Who is your favorite player?” I said, “Well, most women will pick Kiermaier, I think.” The two women seated next to me overheard me, smiled lasciviously, and nodded eagerly.


“I do love his style of play. I honestly would not care if he looked like Quasimodo. I would like him just as much. I love his hustle and the way he puts in maximum effort. But I have to say Souza. When he hit that fan, the concern he showed truly touched me. He is a very talented player and he is showing us, he can hit. But he cried when he hit that fan in the stands. He went to her. It showed me he cares about us as much as we care about them.” He nodded and walked away. And then this happened. Made me look good. 🙂

A few minutes later, he returns and says, “Would you like to sit closer?” I was already pretty close. Are you inviting me to sit on Archer’s lap? He moved me so I was second row behind home plate on the Rays side. I was a little disappointed, not Archer’s lap, but I’ll take it! I made friends with the couple in front of me. “Just friends”, he said. “She bought me these tickets for my birthday. She treats me so good. We have been best friends for twenty years. It’s her, not me. I want more.” He was so cute. They were both cute. I looked at her. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” I asked while I laughed.  Her story: “We’re friends!” Exactly!! She will come to her senses someday. A cute best friend who loves baseball? What more do you want? Yeah. Okay. So speaking of romance…

On to my darling baby boy, Trevor Story and our Story Book Romance.

Oh, no, no, not this story book romance, although it is true love with Trevor Story. He has set a National League rookie record for home runs in April, hitting his 9th last night off of Jonathan Niese during a  Rockies’ 9-8 loss in 12 innings.

You think this sort of thing happens every day? Jose Abreu is the current holder of the Major League Baseball record at 10 HR for April.

Much like Janice in accounting though, Trevor doesn’t give a fuck. Why? Because the Rockies are on a losing streak, having lost their last five, and six of their last seven. They lost to the Pirates 9-8.

“It doesn’t really mean anything to me at all right now,” Story said. “Just trying to win games. That’s the only thing that matters to me.”

Can this kid be any cooler? This almost makes me want to root for the Rockies. And look who owns the Rockies–they are almost as bad as that disease, Loria. Folks, I hope you appreciate stuff like this as much as I do. When someone seemingly out of nowhere just comes and blows us away. Prior to this homer, Story had been in a 2 for 23 slump (0.086) since his last HR vs. the Reds. We knew some regression was in order as scouting reports and major league pitchers adapted to him. His peripherals and K numbers are also not pretty. Nevertheless, he still has electric power and it is only April 28th. The Rockies have three more games this month. He has time to break the record. Do it, baby boy. And I hope your team maybe wins a game. For your sake. He makes me feel that Rocky Mountain High.


The New Americana, Miami, beat the Dodgers, 2-0.

We don’t feel like outsiders at all. We are the New Americana.

I was listening to this game when I got home, but Scully’s smooth voice and my whiskey lulled me to sleep, so I need to read the recap on Mattingly was ejected for calling the umpire a c*cksucker. The Marlins won 2-0. I’ll let Old Gator handle the recap.

The Atlanta Braves Home Run Watch. They have still only hit 3 as a team. 102 players have more home runs than the Braves. Andrew McCutchen alone hit 3 home runs on Tuesday. The are on pace for 24 home runs this season. Harper is on pace for approximately 80 all on his own. All team wins versus the Braves should count slightly less. Team losses should count more. You lost to the Braves? What is wrong with your team?

Don’t wish it away, don’t look at it like it’s forever, between you and me I could honestly say, that things can only get better.

The Red Sox did what a team is supposed to do to the Braves, beat them 9-4. Miracle of miracles. Freeman hits a home run. FOUR FOR THE YEAR! Good for you Braves fans. Baby steps. I mean, your starter, Bud Norris, only went 1 1/3, but always look at the bright side. Freddie Freeman has 2 home runs now so he is responsible for half of the Braves’ home run totals. I would expect him to get walked all the time now.

Dustin Pedroia hit a grand slam. Evil dwarf does evil things.

Speaking of evil, the Cardinals won as well, 11-4, over the Diamondbacks. It was notable because the starting pitcher, Wainwright, hit a triple. How pissed I would have been if Wainwright got hurt trying to get to third. I know–pitchers get hurt ALL the time. PITCHING. Doing their job. Not fucking batting and running. And note, this is a classic example of double + error = triple. The ball was misplayed, very generous scoring.

Ugh, McCarver on top of everything else. smh. It’s too early to start drinking, right?

I’m drowning in a whiskey river if I have to listen to McCarver.

The Detroit Martinezes beat the Oakland A’s, 9-4, in the D because clearly, Oakland lacks sufficient Martinezes. J.D. Martinez hit a home run and drove in four, while Victor Martinez, hit a 3 run homer. Sonny Gray got hit pretty hard.

They got Sonny on a cloudy day.

Alex Rodriguez got his 1000th run in pinstripes in the losing effort vs. the Rangers, 3-2, and his home run in the 4th inning was his 690th. Congratulations, Alex. The Rangers win the series as Sabathia takes the loss. Alex Rodriguez has been playing baseball for a long, long time. He is a peer.

Once I thought my innocence was gone. Now I know that happiness goes on.

My favorite patients of the day, Rays-Dodgers fans, overheard me singing this with the radio yesterday. “Are you singing Billy Joel?” “Yes, sir.” “Just checking.” 🙂 Innocent Man was a favorite of mine when I was a kid. I still like it. When I heard “This Night” and realized it was the Second Movement of Beethoven’s Pathetique Sonata (thanks, dad) set to doo-wop? Oh, yeah.

Okay, I better do the rest a little quicker. I could do this all morning.

Giants 13 – Padres 9 Giants sweep Padres.

Phillies 3 – Nationals 0 Did someone forget to tell the Nationals that Hellickson was pitching? Was Harper not playing? Hellickson is a fly ball pitcher. Was the wind blowing in? Like 50mph wind gusts?

White Sox 4 – Blue Jays 0 The Revenge of Navarro is a real thing. He hurts the teams he used to play on when he feels they slighted him. He does it to the Rays, and now the Blue Jays feel it. He’s a brujo.

Mets 5 – Reds 2 The Dark Night Returns. The Mets win six straight.

Cleveland 6 – Twins 5 Jose Berrios, promising prospect, had a rough start. Not worried.

Angels 4 – Royals 2 Trout hit a home run for me. Thank you. So did Andrelton “The Package” Simmons. He is all grown up.

Astros 7 – Mariners 4 Astros avoid being swept.

Brewers – Cubs PPD. No Arrieta yesterday means Arrieta today.

So, what did I miss?

20 thoughts on “So, What Did I Miss? (4/28/16)

  1. If this were the NFL, our season would be over already, but for MLB, 20 games in is warming up. Another great thing about base ball.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Feesh 2, Bums zilch. Justin Nicolino comes up from Nawlins and big easies Scott Kazmir and his fat payroll Dodgers. Feesh score two runs on a flurry of nip-n’-tucks in the top of the first and it stays that way. Jar Jar Baseball gets ejected for the second time in three days for arguing balls and strikes with home plate umpire Todd Tichenor (whose surname sounds like some medieval castle in Scotland from whose turret you can see the Loch Ness monster on a clear day and Varangian raiding parties on a clearer one) who had not a clue:

    The runs were driven in by the Iron Giant on a broken bat single and by Marcell the Damned on a clean single.

    Extenuating our Norse allusion, Nicolino allowed two hits in sven and a toid though almost lost it all when Phelps came in from the boolpen and walked the bases loaded, occasioning the aforesaid rejection of Jar Jar. However, the fireballing Jose Urena threw plutonium (get it? Urena? Plutonium? Nyuk…nyuk…okay, forget it) and eradicated the threat.

    Today the Feesh face the biggest test of their newfound legitimacy as they send out the thus far rickety El Keed to face Kenta Maeda (oh come on, this guy isn’t really a virgin, is he?). Yesterday, El Keed and Kershaw were seen sneaking orf to visit an astrologer (Tinseltown is excessively provisioned with them) to see if they could figure out who was goofing around with their destinies. You can’t do that here in Macondo without bringing your own goat along to be sacrificed first.

    Meanwhile, Scrooge McLoria has apparently made some kind of backroom deal to rent out the antique guillotine which has been his proudest possession since he bought the team. Late last night, while everyone but your faithful correspondent was distracted by preparations for the Beyonce (you know, that singer-dancer with the pillared thighs) Deformation Tour, some guys were seen loading the Widow into a U-Haul truck with Georgia license plates. Wonder where it’s headed, eh?

    So: the Feesh now stand at 9-11 (not great numbers, when you think about it), 5.5 parsecs ahead of the Barves, who look like they’re being sucked into a singularity, and a mere one point five parsecs behind the surprising Feelies. A note: it might just be the lighting, but several of the Rainbow Warriors, seen in the dugout, do look like they’re sporting five o’clock shadows. Could this be a subtle pushback against Jar Jar’s Mickeymouse facial hair policy? If it is, it’s working; the Delilah Effect seems to be in abeyance for the nonce.

    Two parsecs from the strange attractor, whose ruckin’ spacetime has been slowly but surely outsucking those gossamer reality waves emanating from the iron core of the standings. Here it is, getting close enough so that with a decent pair of binoculars you can ackcherley see into it:

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ♫♫Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho ho ho ho, hi ho♫♫

    The Phillies are just getting started, baby! Time to sweep out the Washington trash today.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, nobody expected them to be this good even in the early going, when pans often flash like old guys in raincoats outside junior high school playground fences. Hellickson is proving a great acquisition.

      Any day now, Fiorentino will be back…..


  4. That Souza play was absolutely amazing. It’s a very early contender for play of the year, and I think we’ll have a really hard time topping it. That man owes Chris Davis a beer, or a powerbar or something, because he strait up robbed the man. Very impressive. As with most of our pitchers, you never know if you are going to get good Tillman, or bad Tillman. Good Tillman goes 7ish innings with a lot of strikeouts and was working a shutout. Bad Tillman gives up 9 runs in 3 innings. The O’s were happy to get out of Tampa with a win and avoid the sweep. The bats are very cold, hopefully returning home will help heat them up, because other than Rickard’s one swing, the team has been shut the fuck down for about a week.


        1. You have no idea how much of an idea I have. Though my temples are whited and my eyes are dim now, I still vividly recall what I was like after being liberated from my first wife. Hell, it was dangerous to leave a lamb roast sitting around at waist level.


  5. Berrios was doing alright until the Indians strung together a few basehits and the Twins poor defense betrayed him. The worst part was when normally dependable Eddie Rosario got it into his head he was going to throw out a tagging runner from a few feet in front of the warning track down the left field line. Trying to line up the throw, he misplayed the ball and it fell for extra bases and turned the fifth inning into a disaster.


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