Currently, I feel like the baseball recapping version of Katie Couric, as I have been preparing for my first ever colonoscopy due to “a change in bowel habits.” I changed brands of toilet paper, apparently? The preparation is a very unpleasant experience; I will spare you the gory details other than to tell you it is humbling, humiliating, and nauseating. I understand now why our patients complain so much about it. I have developed a higher empathy for them. The procedure itself is painless. We give you some really good drugs that Michael Jackson was particularly fond of as your reward for all your work. However, what I have experienced tonight is the opposite of fun, and I like a fun time–we have established that fact.
My patients did not exaggerate. Is this terrible? Yeah, it sucks. Should you have this done? Absolutely, yes, 100%. Colon cancer screenings save lives. That was your public service announcement because fuck cancer.
Doctor, doctor give me the news. So what happened in baseball on Monday night? Excuse me. Bathroom break.
Okay, back. I wish that was a joke, but let’s make it a joke, because if I can’t laugh at myself, well, then the poops have won. I will never let the poo win.
The Chicago White Sox – Blue Jays game was sick. The White Sox won it on a interference call, 7-5, as Tulowitski runs into a batted ball. Game over.
This is the second time this year the Jays have lost a game on an interference call.
Stroman was sick too–uh, not the kind of sick we normally see from him. He kind of threw the game up all over the place. He had the game in hand when in the 7th inning he ran into a bit of trouble. After giving up hits to Melky Cabrera and Avisail Garcia, and walking Austin Jackson, Stroman is replaced by Brett Cecil with 2 outs. Adam Eaton singles. The score is 5-3 Toronto. Jimmy Rollins singles. 5-4 Toronto. Cecil replaced by Gavin Floyd. The Toddfather, Frazier, doubles. White Sox 6-5.
While his bullpen was vomiting the game, Stroman was “seen yelling and pounding the bench in the dugout in frustration.”
The Toronto Sun reports:
Stroman’s meltdown led to the accusations that he was showing his teammates up. A charge he vehemently denied.
“I think if you ask my teammates they know the type of character I am. I think that resonates with every single individual in this clubhouse,” said Stroman. “In no sense have I ever tried to (show) my teammates up in any sense. It was more in frustration and the fact that I felt like I didn’t do my job in the end and I didn’t put my team in a position to win when I went back out there for the seventh. I was frustrated and I’ve always been an emotional guy and that’s how I am and that’s how I’ll continue to be.
“I play the game extremely passionately and I was just extremely frustrated with the way things played out there,” added Stroman. “I felt pretty good all night and just really frustrated with the way things kind of turned out and I felt like I didn’t do my job in the end when I felt so good.”
Stroman is part of the Youngster Brigade, the passionate group of younger players lead by Bryce Harper, who is unafraid to display emotion. I am on record as saying I like these young men. Remember how I said practically everything has negatives and a positives, the dual nature of things? Well, then pay attention. 🙂 I did. Here is the negative side of the Youngster Brigade. His frustration made it seem like he was showing up his teammates. He claims he was not. I will give him the benefit of the doubt because I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. However, it is clearly something he may need to explain to his teammates. He wasn’t on the mound when he blew up. He blew up when his teammates blew the game. Hopefully, he will learn to control the temper a bit. The passion is wonderful–never let that go. The anger, channel it.
Another young man with difficulty controlling his emotions had a better night in front of at least 751 raucous fans last night. I actually considered attending last night’s game because I am that insane. Yeah, imagine pooping at the Trop every 5 minutes. At least they have better plumbing than O.co. But it is hard for me to pass up a game, especially one in which Chris Archer is pitching. Last night, for the first time in a long time, Archer was Archer.
Archer was interviewed before the game. “These things happen. You look at David Price, his last outing or how his season is going or you look at Adam Wainright. You look at guys who their first 4 starts aren’t pitching to their capability, um, and I’m sure they’re not tripping, and I’m definitely not tripping.”
I was definitely trippin’ on the sunshine Rays after that start. This reminds me of my club days.
Archer: not tripping. Got it. Good to hear. I was trippin’ but that’s because I had not eaten since Sunday night and I feel lightheaded, dizzy, and weak. Also, because Archer in his last 10 starts was 0-7 with a 6.39 ERA and his last win was on 8/31/15. I was cracking up laughing when I heard that interview while drinking some vile shit that was going to give me massive diarrhea.
The Rays won 2-0 vs. the Orioles as Archer silenced the bats of the ornery birds while striking out 10 with his wicked change-up. His battery mate, Curt Casali, drove in both runs. There was a stat during the game that Archer’s ERA is in the mid 2.50’s when Casali is his mate. Might want to make a note of that, although I am not sure what the sample size of that was. Here is Kiermaier doing what he does best, besides looking real purty:
Love the little showmanship at the end. Outlaw.
Boston took down Atlanta 1-0. Rick Porcello has become a good pitcher, holy shit, when did that happen? I guess I should pay attention. Oh, wait, it was against Atlanta, so we’re grading on a curve here as he four-hit them. Still though, he’s been pitching well. Ah… looking at peripherals. Bit of a mirage. Low BABIP, .248, way off career norms of.318, with a FIP of 4.21. Very nice K/9 ratio though, 10.52 and K/BB ratio of 6.00. Can’t knock that. Jackie Bradley Jr. is responsible for the sole run. Kimbrel with the save.
I really am feeling as sick as a dog.
The Mets defeat Reds 5-3 with Thor on the mound. Syndergaard’s average slider velocity is 92.1 mph. Wow. Conforto and Duda support him with home runs. Second baseman Neil Walker, new to the Mets, with the heroics. It is his 8th home run in April. How has this escaped my attention. Where the hell have I been? I have been totally slacking. You need a new recapper. Mets win 8 of last 10.
Yankees pitcher Nathan Eovaldi, who matches Syndergaard in average fastball velocity, took a no-no into the 7th inning against the Rangers but was denied by Nomar Mazara’s single.
This pitcher can deal. Ellsbury and Castro both homer in support of their pitcher in the Yankees’ 3-1 victory.
Onto Detroit, where the centerfielder, Tyler Collins, got a little testy with fans. Apparently, he lost a fly ball in the lights, and the hometown crowd booed him. He returned with a gesture that I use on drivers. Nah, I don’t. I kid. I expect everyone to drive like an asshole. I don’t let it upset me. I just listen to my tunes and sing, just like I play Grand Theft Auto. But seriously, Collins apparently used an “unfortunate gesture” according to the MLB Network. So it was either a middle finger, or maybe he did the Papelbon crotch grab?
As for the rest of the game, Jordan Zimmerman continues to establish himself as the dominant Tigers pitcher as they defeat the Athletics, 7-3. Miguel Cabrera breaks an 0 for 13 skid with style, hitting 2 home runs. The A’s may like a do-over.
The Twins paid a moving tribute to Prince before their game yesterday. This is pretty cool. Everyone might be getting sick of Prince tributes, but I don’t really watch on television besides baseball, Game of Thrones, and Orange is the New Black–oh, Daredevil is a new addition, thanks scout–so I haven’t seen any other tributes other than what you guys have posted and this one.
Send any more tributes my way. The Twins won the game 4-3 in exciting fashion, walking off Cleveland with Oswaldo Arcia’s homer.
Apropos of nothing, just a great song. I feel terrible, and this song usually makes me feel great. All of a sudden, all of his songs are on Youtube.
You are all going to have to recap yourselves because I really don’t feel well. I did my best. I even had trouble remembering what I call these things. I’m going to rest until it’s time to go in for my appointment.