A great philosopher once said, and I am paraphrasing here, “There’s something about this that’s so tired, it’s like how much more tired could this be? And the answer is none. None more tired.”
Friends, that would be me. But the kitchen is still open, for a limited time. Because I’m so tired, I left my filter on my other laptop.
Too Much Salt: That would be the Best Fans in Baseball, who opened this Cubs/Cardinals series by booing the snot out of Jason Heyward and John Lackey. I, too, would boo the snot out of John Lackey, but J-Hey? That’s like booing a puppy dog, or a small child who is learning to ride a bike for the first time.
But that’s okay. The Cubs are currently destroying St. Louis, with even Lackey getting in on the action at the plate. I heard that salt is a good insulator of heat, so you might want to double check on those sick burns, Redbirds.
The Gift That Keeps On Giving, Much Like a Holiday Fruitcake: Just when you thought it was an unpleasant memory, here comes the Adam and Drake LaRoche nightmare train all over again. Can’t a guy who spends way too much time with his impressionable teenage son just retire in peace? Apparently not, because weeks after the hullabaloo has died down, Father and Son are going to be on Good Morning America tomorrow.
No, I will not be watching. I would link to that article on ESPN about LaRoche Senior but I refuse to give that puff piece any more hits. Needless to say, I am sure that the GMA sit-down will be more of the same, a discussion about how important it is for LaRoche Junior to grow up in a locker room around grown ass men even though, from Adam’s own mouth, he knows that the locker room isn’t a place for children. Or perhaps it’s how Daddy sets no store by edu-ma-cation. Either way, the poster child for Derp Dynasty is milking this story more than any baseblogger could have; hell, I betcha he’s going to recoup that $13M he left on the table from a bunch of speaking engagements and meat sales.
Same Old Story: Guess who hit another home run? That slacker, Trevor Story. Nice that you woke up from your nap, bro. I mean, you went what – two games without a home run? So disappointed, son. I guess this one is for you and your heavy lumber.